Sticks and Carrots
by Kryal
Summary: What if Ku Lon hadn't screwed up her first encounter with Ranma? Yes, I make use of a lame plot device - but this story reflects what might happen if Ku Lon were a little more flexible and parental in her dealings with Ranma. DISCONTINUED
1. Prologue

Sticks and Carrots

                Ku Lon was _not a happy camper. She glared at the Crystal of Chance, her one most beloved artifact._

                On the outside, it wasn't much to look at. Apparently a glass ball with twists of intertwined colored glass adding a little variety, it looked cheap and mildly tacky. However, it was invaluable to Ku Lon. Although its capabilities were limited, those same capabilities could be invaluable when taken properly.

                The Crystal of Chance, when used properly at the beginning of an endeavor, showed the knowledgeable viewer what might be. Ku Lon had reflected on all she had heard of the boy Xian Pu had decided to claim as her husband, and an impulse had lead her to consult the Crystal. This could become a pivotal event in her family, after all.

                Now she was glad she had. She wanted to vehemently deny that that… that… that clumsy crone could possibly be her! She had sat aside in shell-shocked disbelief as her possible future self attempted to snare a wild storm with nothing more than a butterfly net. She stared at the depths that Xian Pu sank to as the foolish girl ensnared more and more of herself in the hunt for her 'Airen' and ignored the fact that her efforts were turning her into the creature least likely to ensnare his interest.

                Ku Lon sat back and thought, hard. There was no question that this Saotome Ranma would be priceless, if she could persuade him to join the Amazons. To learn the Amiguriken in less than a week! And survive the Neko-ken…!

                Ku Lon knew that marriage to Xian Pu would probably be doomed before it started. Not only was the girl's curse anathema to her intended's greatest fear, Xian Pu's clingy nature and single-mindedness would almost certainly turn the shy and skittish youth farther and farther from her. He was also well on his way to being scared off of any emotional contact. Once bitten, thrice shy and all that. There was no denying either that Ranma would never submit to the stereotypical prejudices of the Amazons.

                There were other options. Popular opinion aside, men were not second-class citizens in the Amazon's eyes, although they filled a role commonly associated with such things. Many Amazon heroes had been male, after all, and the boy's curse made things even better. His very own stubborn nature would serve him well; he was strong, and not stupid. Education was ephemeral and secondary; he had the native intellect needed, although his many bad habits would take a strong, skilled, and above all patient hand to remove. If she offered him an honorable way into the Amazons that would not steal respect from him (as he would suffer if he was simply taken in as Xian Pu's Outsider husband), she stood a good chance of getting him.

                But how to start? Xian Pu had already laid a destructive groundwork and was digging herself in even deeper even now. How was Ku Lon to counteract that?

                Outside, she overheard Ba Thu gently guiding his daughter through the delicate first steps of befriending a shy little colt. As Xao La watched her child and mate affectionately from where she stood protectively a bit back, Ba Thu stopped the girl when she tried to run to the colt, and instead pressed a few carrot bits into her hand and urged her to make small, encouraging noises while offering the bits. It took time, but the colt finally sidled over, and soon the little girl was happily stroking the velvety neck as the colt curiously tried to find any more treats from his new friend.

                Ku Lon smiled a little. Young Zin Ku showed signs of her father's gift with animals as well as her mother's hot blood for combat. It had been a long time since such a combination was present in the tribe, and if the girl became one of the powerful War Beast Trainers, then it would be a fine day indeed.

                Meanwhile, a bit of Ba Thu's advice came drifting over. "…Never forget, little one, that there is not a single wild creature that will come to a stick. Offer them the carrot instead, and be patient…"

                Ku Lon suddenly sat up sharply. Of course! That had been her other self's greatest mistake. She had come and immediately begun pushing. She had charged at a wild creature and attempted to beat it into submission. Not only did it scare the poor thing away, but even had she succeeded, the results would not have been the prize she originally pursued.

                But if she came with a carrot and a gentle hand instead…

                If she held to her original plan as her other self had, she would arrive just in time to intercept the boy as his hot-tempered and intolerant fiancée once again failed to hear him out and sent him flying. Her original self had taken that as an opportunity to test him and to begin threats and pushing him. But… if she offered a patient ear first, explained herself, then tested him and offered him the learning that his soul craved… she could easily become a confidante, an adult who he could trust enough to turn to for advice.

                Maybe even a friend?

                Ku Lon smiled and prepared for her journey. A friend… that would be a nice result no matter WHAT happened.

_(A.N. – Hmmm. I suppose the reason I'm writing this is that I actually like Ku Lon, and I think that if she was more open-minded, she'd have the best chance of becoming friends with Ranma. But she really screws up in the beginning with him, and I was just wondering what would have happened if she'd wised up and offered a carrot instead of a stick._

_                Not my characters, but my idea. Read and review, onegai shimasu, and let me know if I should keep writing this.)_


	2. SENSEI Chapter One

STICKS AND CARROTS

Part One: Sensei

Chapter One

                "And who are you?!" the petite girl demanded in a sharp voice, ready for any new attack.

                Ku Lon made a perfect staff landing on the narrow roof across from the teenager. She was impressed to see that although Ranma's eyes widened at the sight of the now-girl's opponent, the child did not relax his (her?) stance. Apparently Ranma understood enough to not judge her opponents solely by appearance.

                "Hmmm… You're quite good, lad," Ku Lon said, with her patented mysterious smile. "Of course, I knew you would be. Not just anyone could defeat Xian Pu."

                Flashing an patently evil smile (enhanced only _SLIGHTLY by age-wrinkles, thank you very much!), Ku Lon turned and bounded away. "We'll meet again!" she called back, laughing._

                The boy who was currently a girl shuddered slightly. Not to underestimate Ku Lon's Evil Laughter – but Ranma had recently suffered exposure to Kodachi's Insane Laugh, which was a grade beyond what even an Amazon matriarch could handle. Insanity was like that.

                "…Yay?" Ranma blinked, then shook his head. He (she) needed to get home, and figure out what the heck was going on with Akane again. Girls!

                "/Xian Pu, take these ramen over to the Tendou household.\"

                "/What? But shouldn't we be bringing over a proper engagement feast, now that you're here, Great-Grandmother? Ramen is good, but hardly appropriate to be giving to my husband!\"

                Ku Lon sighed. Oh, Xian Pu was a wonderful girl and would be a fine leader someday when she'd outgrown her youthful impulsiveness, but sometimes she could be so… headstrong! She had jumped to the (admittedly logical) conclusion that Ku Lon's only reason for coming to Japan was in order to help her snare her husband, a process that Xian Pu was convinced would take only a week or two.

                "/Great-Grandmother, why are you shaking your head like that? Have I done something wrong?\" Xian Pu bit her lip nervously. Of course she trusted her Great-Grandmother to help her in any and all circumstances, but – well, this was important to her! Didn't Ku Lon understand that? "/Hurry, Grandmother. I want to see him!\"

                "/I must admit, I may have to order you to stay here if you do not settle down,\" Ku Lon warned. 

                Xian Pu's eyes widened. "/Grandmother! But… he is my husband!\"

                Ku Lon winced. She fully intended to support Xian Pu's bid, but unless she did something about the girl's methods, that could hurt her own bid to become a mentor-figure for the boy. "/I believe it is time and past time that I taught you the ultimate technique of the Matrons…\"

                Xian Pu's eyes lit up with delight, and Ku Lon was left thinking the girl shared that much, at least, with her prospective husband. Both found joy in the art of combat, even if Xian Pu was not quite the prodigy that the boy was. "/A technique?\"

                "/Yes. It is an esoteric technique attempted by few and mastered by less. Its common name is Patience.\"

                Xian Pu nearly fell over. "/Grandmother!\"

                Ku Lon chortled at the girl's surprise, but finally relented when she saw the genuine disappointment and hurt in Xian Pu's eyes, although the girl hid it well. Growing stern, she scolded, "/I do not mock you, girl! To us, the law is clear. Such is not the case with the boy. When you are attempting to capture a wild creature, do you charge blindly towards it knowing nothing?\"

                "/No,\" Xian Pu said cautiously.

                "/What _do you do, Great-Granddaughter?\" If Xian Pu was to learn how to apply her lessons in the real world, there was no better time than the present to start._

                Xian Pu was looking at her as though Ku Lon was finally giving in to senility, but responded. "/You learn about it. Where it sleeps, what foods it likes, whether it is intrinsically hostile or benign, whether it is trainable like a dog or whether the most you can hope for is affectionate independence, like a cat.\"

                "/Exactly.\" Ku Lon finished the last batch of ramen. "/And even with this information, do you simply charge up to it and attack, attempting to beat it into submission?\"

                "/No. You move slowly towards it and give it time to become accustomed to you, without making it flee. Wild creatures are skittish and don't trust.\"

                "/Exactly. Now, girl, your intended may not be an animal in the wild, but you must handle him as though he were. Approach carefully and slowly, without making sudden movements, and leave him enough room to get used to you without becoming alarmed.\" Although Ku Lon knew that it was probably too late for that now, it couldn't hurt to try. "/Now, let us go. And no destroying walls! We are not in this land to make enemies.\"

                Xian Pu made a face and muttered something, but Ku Lon didn't hear exactly what it was. The matriarch decided she would be indulgent this once and allow Xian Pu her small rebellions. The girl was coming into adulthood, and needed freedom, and as Ku Lon had clearly commanded her to follow instructions, compensation was needed.

                Xian Pu was very quiet as they made their way down the streets of Nerima, allowing Ku Lon to contemplate her next move. The most obvious was the same advice that she had given Xian Pu – to study the boy, learn his background. The Crystal had been useful, but it had _severe limitations, not the least of which was that it only showed things as __it desired. If she remembered correctly, however, there were plenty of people about whom she could bargain with for information. Failing that, she'd just have to use more modern methods._

                Ancient Amazon techniques were all well and good, but when it came to information-gathering, nothing beat a T-1 line and a teenager with nothing better to do than to get places and information that she really shouldn't.

                The other problem was to analyze the people surrounding the boy. At the moment, at least the number of people needing to be dealt with were limited.

                The final problem was… what _exactly did she intend to do? Her first meeting with the boy, an almost perfect replay of the scene she'd seen in the Crystal, had established her as a skilled martial artist, someone with too much information, and 'another-random-person-attacking-from-nowhere.' That last would have to go. Ku Lon had __no intention being tagged in the same category as the lost boy that occasionally attacked Ranma. She could be unpredictable, but she was __not borderline psychotic._

                Should she go ahead with the Cat's Tongue point? It might put her in the opponent category, but on the other hand Ranma was a boy who seemed to thrive on adversity. Giving him an easy option was probably _not the most efficient way of getting him to learn. For one thing, he had grown up with martial arts being a serious matter for him, and would not trust a 'quick-fix' approach. He needed challenge and motivation to grow._

                This had potential to be entertaining – so long as she didn't let it burn her. She had to remember her objectives, after all: get Ranma into the tribe. As Xian Pu's husband would be nice, but not required.

                "Nihao!"

                "Shampoo! You haven't been by lately."

                "I thought you went back to China."

                '_So, those are Kasumi and Nabiki, I believe.' Ku Lon looked the two girls over. _

                Kasumi – sweet, with an air of 'everyone's big sister' about her that probably was very useful for such a sweet girl. '_I hope the Japanese government never gets the bright idea of having her for a diplomat. She radiates sweet and reasonable__ so powerfully that it would feel like a crime to even risk disappointing her.' _

                Nabiki – '_Interesting.__ Not nearly as mercenary as the __Crystal__ led me to believe.__ Perhaps that was simply her method to coping with a severe change in her reality.' She would have to watch the middle sister. High intellect could make for a powerful ally, but also a powerful opponent. '__She'd be the one to figure out a way of dealing with an opponent outside martial arts… maybe I can recruit her to teach the boy some of those skills?'_

                Then there were the fathers. Soun – '_Don't make me laugh. He may have had potential once, but he has surrendered it to the comforts of good living. He also has no emotional control. Passion is good, but only when guided by a tempered will, which he definitely lacks.' _

                And Genma? '_…I don't like him. Pure selfishness and a decidedly low intellect. Again, perhaps he was once a lad with high potential, but he has squandered it. Still… he at the very least has some skill, and he does have the moves of one for whom the Art is a gift. Maybe not the natural that the boy is – but not entirely a waste of flesh, either. After all, he fathered the boy, so that's one good point on his karma.' Noticing the man's discomfort in her measuring gaze, Ku Lon smiled at him, and chortled as he blanched before re-assuming his 'wise old man' pose. No woman liked losing her maidenly good looks, but sometimes it was __fun to be a withered old crone. '__Interesting – a high ki potential, in fact, with some access to it.__ Well, Saotome Genma… apparently you did have more to contribute to the poor lad than a Y-chromosome. Not much, but something. His mother, on the other hand, must truly be a marvel.' Although the fact that she married Genma was not promising._

                "What's going on… Oh. _You."_

                And there was Akane. Ku Lon gave her the same special attention that she'd given Genma, knowing that this girl would be one of the most important. '_Well, she is not as bad as I expected, either. Impatient and hot-headed, but not psychotic. Spoiled, ye gods yes, but not irreparably so. She even has quite the potential of her own, provided that she ever learns that she must work for her rewards. That impatience and pride will definitely be a problem, though. Ranma, he sees someone who is better and teaches himself to match or exceed their level. This girl… she will either tell herself that she was not ready and fool herself, or she will simply assume that there is no point in learning the skill. She must be the best, or she doesn't care.' Ku Lon gave the short-haired girl a nod when Akane did a double-take at the matriarch's presence, but continued her mental analysis. '__Pretty, yes, in a less extravagant way than Xian Pu.'_

                "Coming home dinner!" Xian Pu announced, passing out the ramen.

                "What the… what are you doing here?" a clear feminine voice demanded.

                "Live here now!" Xian Pu announced. "Airen happy, yes?"

                '_Eh? Interesting. She had plenty of time to beat us back here and get turned back into a boy. I wonder what the boy was up to.'_

                The shape-changed boy stared at Xian Pu in disbelief and dismay. "You're… moving _here?!"_

                "She's opened a ramen shop in the neighborhood!" Kasumi said, plainly surprised by Ranma's tone of voice.

                "Hey – the noodles are delicious, Akane!" Nabiki called.

                Akane, sitting on the porch with a small black piglet – presumably her pet – in her arms, sniffed. "Good for them."

                Ku Lon looked up from eating her own ramen. (Ah! Delicious! So nice to know that she hadn't lost her touch.) "I heard everything from Xian Pu." Taking a drink of broth, she put the bowl down. "She is here to claim you as her husband." She ignored the look on Soun's face.

                Kasumi looked at her. "Have we met?"

                Ranma blinked. "Yahg! It's that old bag!" Hmph. He _definitely needed to learn how to think before he spoke._

                "She is Great-Grandmother!" Xian Pu declared cheerfully.

                Ku Lon became vaguely aware of an attempt to manifest an imposing outer aspect and lazily glanced over at her shoulder, to see Tendou Soun demonstrating the beginnings of a vaguely impressive Demon's Head.

                "Ranma is Akane's fiancé," he said.

                Ku Lon just matched his look, totally unimpressed. "It is our law, Tendou, and a very old and honored tradition."

                Seemingly completely unaware of the tension, Kasumi commented, "Your Japanese is quite good!"

                Ku Lon chuckled. "Well, I haven't lived for two hundred years for nothing!"*

                Nabiki grinned. "My, you're much younger than you look!"

                '_Grrrr__. Girls these days.' Ku Lon didn't show her annoyance, though. Just because she happened to find occasional uses for being an old crone didn't mean that she had to have her face rubbed in it!_

                "Get one thing straight," a young _male voice said. Ku Lon turned and saw, as she'd expected, that Ranma had indeed turned back to his natural form. The gleaming jet-black color of the girl's form remained, but the faint red highlights did not. The girl's hair gleamed with reddish highlights; the boy's was simply ink-black.** As for the rest, his eyes remained their unusual clear blue color, although he grew taller and broader in the chest and slightly narrower in the hips. He was also remarkably tolerant to heat, if the cloud of steam rising from his shoulders where he had poured the contents of a kettle was any indication. That, or he'd simply adapted to adversity._

                Interesting… his voice carried a hint of a _growl to it as he spoke. Perhaps the Neko-ken was not as deeply submerged in his psyche as she'd thought… Ku Lon knew that she would have to tread extremely cautiously, but still, it was a matter that merited looking into. Perhaps there __was a way to bring the Neko-ken forth while keeping it under his conscious control. _

                He continued, "I'm not even _thinking of marrying Shampoo."_

                "Ranma?" Xian Pu said, beckoning him. "You come here for second."

                '_Good work, child,' Ku Lon thought, noticing that the girl at least had the courtesy to call Ranma by his proper name. '__If you just back off a little, you'll have a much better chance at getting him.' She smiled and turned away as the two disappeared into the hallway._

                Of course, her satisfaction was quickly derailed as she heard a choked yelp from the furo. Excusing herself and following them, she found Xian Pu stark naked, staring the boy down. Interestingly, Ranma wasn't reacting at _all in the manner she would have expected from a young, plainly healthy male. Rather than being caught between embarrassment and attraction (after all, Xian Pu was a __very lovely young girl who was currently wearing nothing but her hair), he was just plain freaked._

                Ku Lon was just about ready to bang her head into the wall. '_Xian Pu, why__ do you insist on cutting your throat like this?'_

                Then, of course, Xian Pu sprayed herself with cold water, and they had a whole new problem. Fortunately, Xian Pu climbed into the hot furo before Ranma did more than freeze up. Then, of course, the fool girl started blaming him for her curse. At that point, Ku Lon judged that it was her turn again.

                "Is your fault!" Xian Pu declared.

                "How is it _my fault?" Ranma demanded._

                Ku Lon bonked him over the head with her staff. "As the cause, you must hold yourself partially responsible," she lectured.

                Ranma's fists clenched, and although his back was to Ku Lon she got a definite impression of gathering stormclouds around him. "Y'know," he gritted, "I've had about enough… _of your LOONEY TALK!"_

                He spun, his leg striking her staff. However, Ku Lon was expecting the move, though not the lack of physical warning he had given before moving, and she flipped her staff into her hands and swiped it at his supporting leg. He responded by jumping over the attack, proving that he could read moves as well as give them.

                Of course, luck seemed to rarely be with the boy in day-to-day events. His foot came down… on a bar of soap, causing him to perform a forward-splits variety of a cartwheel sans hands. Ku Lon naturally seized the advantage and conked him on the head. Then, she made tracks.

                "Why… you old _bag!" she heard Ranma shout, hot in pursuit. "__GET BACK HERE!"_

                He really kept up quite an admirable chase, even running parallel to the ground along a wall at several points.

                "Come now, child!" Ku Lon laughed, looking back over her shoulder. "Why don't you catch me? If you can!" So saying, she ran up a telephone pole, Ranma still close behind. Not that he remained close for long.

                This fight had a purpose. If she _was to establish herself as a separate entity from Xian Pu's bid for marriage, then she would need a chance to exchange words in private with the boy, away from others, and especially away from Xian Pu._

                Of course, there was also the fact that this was quite _fun, too. It had been a __long time since anyone had been able to keep up so well on a chase! But all good things must come to an end, and soon she found herself sitting alone atop a torii.***_

                She sighed. Perhaps he wasn't as skilled at this stage as she'd thought, though his potential was definitely limitless from her vantage point of two centuries. "Still," she chuckled. "He's a hundred years away from catching _me."_

                "Took your time, didn't you, grandma?"

                It took a lot to surprise Ku Lon, either physically or intellectually. The child had just succeeded in both.

                '_When did he get behind me?' she thought in shock. '__I should have sensed him a mile away, and heard him at half that!' It was all she could do to keep herself from jumping. The boy wasn't just __behind her, he was barely five centimeters away._

                She turned and regarded him with a measuring look. "So. Just as I should have suspected, from Xian Pu's prospective groom."

                The boy turned away slightly, and there was _definitely annoyance on his face. "I am __not her groom."_

                "Not yet, agreed," Ku Lon said. "And perhaps not ever."

                He turned to look at her, his eyes wide and surprised. "Eh?"

                Ku Lon waved a hand. "I meant only to say that it would take someone out of the ordinary to defeat Xian Pu. She is my heir, after all, and knows many Amazon secrets. However, this _does bring up something I wished to speak to you about."_

                She almost laughed. Xian Pu and this boy _were quite alike; she could almost __see his ears prick up when she mentioned __Amazon secrets. Ah, to be young and enthusiastic again._

                "Yeah? Like what?" he asked.

                "Just a few matters." Ku Lon leaned on her staff and studied him. Tsk, tsk. It really was unfair, that the younger generation got all the luck. The boy was an excellent image of an ideal human, physically, in either form. Given the normal gangling adolescent state, that really said quite a lot. Ranma was already threatening to be a heartbreaker in the midst of adolescence; when he got just a little older, he might become literally drop-dead gorgeous.

                And it was going to give the boy no end of headaches, Ku Lon was _quite sure._

                Shaking off her thoughts, she continued. "Doubtless you think I'm here to help Xian Pu drag you back to China as her husband. That is certainly what she thinks. It is, however, only partially true."

                Ranma blinked at her.

                She smiled, trying _not to achieve the 'terrifying old crone' effect. Either she succeeded, or Ranma was of tougher mettle than most in this town. Actually, whichever the case was the second was pretty much assured. "I do admit that as Xian Pu's grandmother I would like to see her happily married, and you do seem to be the one she has set her heart on…"_

                "I didn't _ask her to!" the boy said, clearly frustrated._

                "No, but the fact is that she did. However, the other reason that I am here…" How to say this, how to say this… "I am looking for promising youngsters. We Amazons have many admirable skills, but our clan is small and it needs new blood and new ideas periodically, to keep us from stiffening up into old crones like myself." She winked.

                "I _ain't marryin'…"_

                "I'm not asking you to," Ku Lon interrupted. "I would be pleased if you _did, but it is not a necessity. No, boy. I'm offering to train you."_

                A light seemed to glow from his big eyes, and Ku Lon could only smile at the eager child in front of her. "Really?" he asked. "Like what?"

                "Oh, only small things," she said casually. "It would take a more serious commitment to the Amazon tribe from you – adoption, perhaps, or official alliance, if not marriage – to teach you the truly advanced techniques, but I should be able to teach you the simpler things."

                The light seemed to die down suddenly, and Ku Lon wondered what was going on in the boy's head. "Ah, what can y'teach me that I can't learn myself?" he asked flippantly.

                Ku Lon hid a grin. "Oh, trust me, you'll be impressed. And you _will be learning it, boy. However…" She looked him over carefully. "Yes, I think that you may need a little extra motivation."_

                "Hey!" Ranma turned back. "I can learn anythin' you throw at me!"

                "Oh, but what would be the fun of it without at least a little extra motivation?" Ku Lon asked with a grin. Suddenly, she darted the end of her staff forward and poked a very precise point on his chest. "There, that should do it. I think you'll be quite… motivated by it."

                That said, she hopped away. 

*--I've always been confused about Ku Lon's age. Apparently the manga and anime say different things. According to the manga, she's "almost one hundred". I've decided to expand on that a little. ^.^

**--For those who don't know, in the manga Ranma's girl-form still has black hair. The only difference that _I have noted is that Takahashi-sama draws Ranma-chan with highlights in her hair._

***--gate to a Shinto shrine.

As to "the younger generation got all the luck", I'll leave it to individual interpretation as to whether she's referring to Ranma, or all the girls who get to have a shot at Ranma. ^_^

Some people have been asking me to continue this, so I'm just putting some notes down here:

--This chapter follows the introductory chapter for Ku Lon/Cologne fairly loyally (almost word-for-word, actually), but as time goes on, the change will 'ripple', getting bigger and bigger. I intend for Ku Lon to continue with most of her original pranks, but her motivation is different this time. She'd _like to see Ranma marry Xian Pu, but she's also hedging her bets._

--Other characters may also become prospective students. Ryouga is already a given, but Akane may come in for some special training, as may Kasumi and Nabiki as time goes on (I like them both and would like them to get slightly bigger roles). Just because Ku Lon's priority is Ranma doesn't mean she'll ignore all this potential around her.

--I don't intend to do _any character bashing, if I can avoid it, but if I do, the victims will probably be Soun, Genma and Ryouga (I have mixed feelings about him. He's fun, but he's also a total jerk by my standards). Oh, and Kuno – provided anyone can bash him more than the manga itself does. If I __do slip into character-bashing, tell me. I don't really like it, and I want to keep from doing it myself._

--No, this won't be a Ku Lon/Ranma story. (I may write one later, I have an idea for it at least.) Ku Lon's feelings towards Ranma are similar to her feelings towards Xian Pu – a mix of mentor and grandmother. They may be even a little stronger, in a way (referring back to the fact that friends are just the family you chose for yourself).

--Probably the most important, this story follows the _manga, as I have never seen anything except the first episode of the anime. This means several things, but the most important is that character descriptions and behaviors are based on the Viz translations of the manga (To those who hate Viz: I'm sorry, I have the first book of Ranma in Japanese but given as I am almost completely self-taught, it's really slow going.). The other information I have is internet/fanfiction based, and I'm not really all that confident in its accuracy, knowing the internet. -_- Oh, and I read a fan-translated version of the last book of the series. That was cool, but it didn't help me to fill in everything else that happens…_

As for the continuation of this story, I'll do as much as I can, but I'm limited by the fact that I've only read the first six books. (My local library doesn't carry manga, and the price for a translated 'graphic novel' is highway robbery.) So please forgive my mistakes.

To everyone who read and reviewed: I love you. Your reviews were what prompted me to dust this off and write this chapter. (I haven't actually worked on this story for months.) Please, keep them coming!

--Kryal (Cally)

PS. Oh, and the Neko-ken thing? That just sort of popped up. (There's a growl sound effect while Ranma's talking to Cologne while changing back.) But now that I have it, I think I'm going to play with it a little. ^_^ I've got some interesting ideas… and they're mine, all mine!


	3. SENSEI Chapter Two

STICKS AND CARROTS

Part One: Sensei

Chapter Two

                Xian Pu was biking away, humming. If ever a girl could radiate happiness, she was doing so. After all, as far as Xian Pu cared the world was all on her side. She was in Nerima with her husband (even if the 'husband' in question wouldn't accept it), her great-grandmother was here to help, the sky was clear, the weather was lovely, the restaurant was doing well and aforementioned Great-Grandmother had just given her some news.

                "/I'm afraid I pulled a little prank on Ranma,\" Ku Lon had told her as she handed Xian Pu a set of deliveries. "/He's going to be having some difficulties for a while and could probably use a little extra support. When you're done with these, you may visit him if…\"

                At that point, Ku Lon had stopped on the words _if you won't be disrupting his classes, as Xian Pu was already off and pedaling for all she was worth. The matriarch shook her head. Well, the girl was enthusiastic at least._

                The disruption wasn't as bad as it could have been; Ranma was outside playing soccer when Xian Pu arrived, jumping the school wall with her bike. In fact, his classmates weren't bothered at all that Ranma was distracted from class. After all, none of them really enjoyed being the boy's _opponent – and besides, Xian Pu's dress was quite short. "Nihao!"_

                Akane, in the girl's field, however, did not look nearly so pleased. If anything she looked a little alarmed.

                "Hurry and ask me to marry you!" Xian Pu cried as she biked after Ranma, who after his first shock had continued the game. And if he was running just a little faster than before, well Ranma was fast enough normally that the change wasn't extreme.

                Ku Lon wanted to bang her head again. It occurred to her, belatedly, that if she was going to survive this trip she had better find some kind of effective stress reliever. '_Patience?__ Or subtlety? Which does that girl need most?'_

                To Xian Pu's credit, it wasn't _entirely her fault. Already an outgoing girl, she was also operating under the additional burdens of an alien culture and unfamiliar language. However, '__hurry and ask me to marry you' was beyond the pale even in Amazon culture._

                "Hey, Shampoo," Ranma called back over his shoulder, "tell that old bag _this from me… I've never been in better shape!"_

                Well, there was no mistaking the challenge in _that tone of voice. '__I believe that's my cue, hmmm?' Ku Lon hopped on her staff._

                "Wagh!" Ranma yelped as she zipped by him.

                "But how long will _that last, hmmm?" she asked, grinning. "See you… __soon!" And with that she bounced away._

                Behind her, she heard shocked murmurs and the sound of something very heavy being lifted. "Not if I can help it… you old _ghoul!"_

                As Ku Lon evaded the cement cylinder that the boy kicked towards her, she noticed someone else approaching right along the object's flight path.

                '_Mu__ Tzu?__ Bother, I forgot about him. Ah well!' She returned to terra firma and immediately made her way back into the school field. '__At least this will be an entertaining show.'_

                Mu Tzu made his debut into the Furinkan schoolyard in grand style. At first, he came soaring through the air tucked into a roll. Then suddenly his arms swept out – shearing the cylinder cleanly in half as their trajectories intersected. Tumbling gracefully downward in a perfectly controlled drop, Mu Tzu came to rest lightly on his feet, eyes closed and hands tucked into sleeves again, a perfect image of grace, calm and power.

                Then, proving that perfection _was impossible and that the universe __did have a sense of equilibrium, the two cement cylinder halves __also came to rest… on his head._

                '_Well, this is interesting. I wonder what they'll do.' Ku Lon hopped forward just enough to let her see all while remaining out of sight._

                The dumbstruck silence, which was punctuated with the sound of wind, was finally broken when Mu Tzu's head popped up and the cement blocks fell away.

                "Xian Pu," he murmured as he climbed to his feet, seemingly unaware of the disbelieving whispers that quickly spread through his audience. Tears of joy began to trickle down his face. "Oh, _Xian Pu…!"_

                Ranma, understandably, freaked. Despite his curse it was possible that he never been hit on by a boy before, and he obviously had _never been glomped in boy form by another boy before. His response once the shock was past was automatic – a nice solid foot in the face. "Who are you calling 'Shampoo'?!"_

                "……" Mu Tzu pulled out his glasses and studied Ranma's face.

                "_WHO ARE YOU__?!" Mu Tzu promptly flung Ranma away. Ranma, Ku Lon noticed with amusement, didn't even try to block, apparently being only too happy to put some distance between himself and the newcomer. "Xian Pu!" Mu Tzu cried again, clasping the girl to his chest._

                This, again, was not a politic method of greeting a stranger. In fact, it was doubly not so. Akane punched him away, and Ranma came down for a landing on Mu Tzu's head to underscore the message. "Who are you calling 'Shampoo'?!" Ranma demanded again.

                "Who _are you, anyway?" Akane added, looking about ready to attack Mu Tzu if he tried the stunt again._

                Fortunately, Mu Tzu lifted his glasses properly to his face – and _left them there this time. "I am Mu Tzu," he said. "I am the man who is to be Xian Pu's groom."_

                "What you talking about?" Xian Pu asked from her bicycle, apparently deciding that Mu Tzu was not going to try a third attempt at a Joyfully Rejoined glomp. "We only friends from child times."

                Ku Lon bounded forward to land next to Ranma, looking at Mu Tzu. "Mu Tzu! Weren't you once spurned by Xian Pu?"

                "Ack, the ghoul again!" Ranma yelped. Ku Lon made a mental note to bop him over the head for that one sometime when she wasn't distracted.

                "But… but that..." Mu Tzu spluttered, "…_was when we were only three!"_

                Ku Lon made a sharp motion of negation. "Age makes no difference!" Pointing over at Ranma, she continued, "It has been decided! This man is Xian Pu's groom!" Or at least he was in Xian Pu's eyes.

                "Not if you ask _me, I'm not!" Ranma said pointedly, unintentionally echoing the matriarch's thoughts. Akane just looked at her with annoyance, while Xian Pu moved in close to Ranma, plaintive-eyed._

                Then, of course, Tendou Soun appeared out of nowhere, megaphone in hand – and right next to Ku Lon's poor old ears, too! "**HAVE YOU NO EARS?! RANMA IS ENGAGED TO _AKANE!"_**

                "Daddy, please!" Akane said, clearly embarrassed by her father's enthusiasm.

                Mu Tzu, however, turned to Ranma. He was literally trembling in rage. "You have a fiancée… and yet you… and Xian Pu…"

                '_Oh, dear.__ That's not a promising tone of voice.' Ku Lon shook her head. '__I wonder what he's gotten into his head this time…'_

                "Now listen," Ranma said sharply, apparently also noting the classic signs of a pending blow-up-due-to-incomplete-data.

                Mu Tzu wasn't interested in listening. "Enemy of all women!!" he roared, attempting to spin-kick Ranma. 

                The boy went airborne without a twitch, jumping over the kick and snapping, "If you'd just _listen for a…"_

                "_The blow of the Swan-Fist!"_

                _That connected. With a grunt, Ranma was sent flying back, to crash into the cement barrier around the school-yard._

                "Whoa! He nailed _Ranma?" shouted one of the bystanders._

                "I never saw his hands!"

                "Swan-fist…?" Akane's eyes widened in sudden understanding. "He's carrying a _weapon!" she shouted._

                Ranma glared at Mu Tzu from his indentation in the cement. "Why… you… blind…"

                "Ranma!" Xian Pu said, leaning over from the grassy slope beyond the barrier. "Be careful! Mu Tzu is master of Hidden Weapon!"

                "I am indeed," said Mu Tzu, going once more for the elegant mystery approach. Spreading his arms expansively, he continued, "Just as a swan floating quietly conceals thrashing feet beneath the water, so it is impossible to see… _WHAT'S IN MY HANDS!!"_

                "_IMPOSSIBLE?!__ HAH!"_

                There was a long silence. Mu Tzu stared in amazement at the outsider who had somehow managed to block the 'unstoppable' attack; Ranma stared incredulously at the object he had stopped cold between his feet.

                "It's… it's a toilet-training potty!" one of the boys shouted. "What an _insult!"_

                "Yes," said another. "An insult too grievous to bear!"

                '_Well, Mu Tzu, you seem to have thrown your gauntlet. Now, what are you going to do with it?' Ku Lon wondered, bouncing forward to watch the unfolding drama. Inwardly, though, she was relieved that Mu Tzu had chosen __that particular attack. The last thing the Amazons needed was to attract police attention, and attacking someone seemingly at random with a lethal weapon would certainly do that. A potty trainer was insulting, but not as legally problematic as a sword._

                "That _does it!" Ranma snapped, flinging the object to the ground. His patience, never good to begin with, was clearly overstretched._

                "Then you will fight?" asked Mu Tzu smugly. He snapped a hand forward, pointing a finger challengingly at Ranma. "These are my terms!" he shouted. "If I should _win--"_

                "You can't have Xian Pu," Ku Lon said.

                "……" Mu Tzu looked at her, and Ku Lon glanced aside. She didn't have anything particularly against the boy save his obsessive behavior, but Xian Pu had made her stand quite clear on this matter, and what Great-Grandmother would disregard her great-granddaughter's wishes in such an important matter?

                Mu Tzu quickly recovered, and instead he pointed sharply at Akane, who stood to the side. "Then I will take _your woman!" he shouted._

                Akane, needless to say, was not happy. "Now wait just a--"

                Ranma, however, seemed not to have heard the terms of the fight – or if he had heard, he had not cared. "You _got it!" he snarled. "The fight is __on!"_

                "Ranma!" Akane yelled.

                "I have your pledge as a man?" Mu Tzu demanded over her voice.

                "His pledge as a man." Ku Lon pressed a hand to her forehead. "Of all the wording to choose. Well, it seems things will be getting interesting."

                The stars sparkled overhead as Ku Lon made her way quietly to the Tendou household. She was deep in thought, and only grateful that Xian Pu was too busy cleaning the restaurant to follow her. The next encounter with Ranma would be one of the most important – for Ku Lon had no doubt that Ranma would soon discover the effects of that little tap she had given him.

                When Ku Lon had decided to go ahead with that little prank, she had not calculated on Mu Tzu showing up, or making such a challenge. Now Ranma would find himself hard-pressed simply in upholding the letter of the agreement. As a partial cause, Ku Lon felt that she needed to assist him as well, to even the score – and to prove her intentions to the boy.

                Arriving at the household, she glanced inside, catching the tail end of a conversation between Kasumi and Akane.

                "This isn't funny!" Ranma's unwilling fiancée said in frustration. "They didn't even ask _me!"_

                "But Ranma can't possibly lose," Kasumi said encouragingly.

                "OW! OW! OW OW OW OW OWTCH!"

                '_Losing is the least of his worries at the moment, child.'_

                "You say it was boiling?" Kasumi leaned over and carefully tested the water. "It's barely warm."

                "But it was so hot!" Ranma said, in the light voice of his female form.

                Ku Lon came out of the water. She so loved making an entrance! "From now on," she said, "even lukewarm water will scald you."

                "Ack! The ghoul!" Ranma glared at Ku Lon – unintentionally giving the matriarch a very good look at her (his?) female body. '_Hmmm. If I were younger, I'd be jealous. I'm jealous now, of course, but I also have better things to do with my time.' Ranma in female form was petite in everything except for her quite healthy bust._

                Interesting… Female-Ranma wasn't just petite, she was almost childlike, having a much younger appearance than even Akane. Certainly no one would ever suspect this slight, delicate-looking girl of in fact being a highly trained and insanely skilled martial artist.

                "The pressure-point I touched makes your whole body as sensitive as a cat's tongue," she explained, ignoring the ghoul comment again. After all, in this case she rather deserved it, for getting Ranma into this fix.

                "Why did you do that?" asked Kasumi in surprise.

                Ku Lon had the grace to look apologetic. "I thought that Ranma might need a little extra motivation in order to learn properly. I had not anticipated Mu Tzu's arrival," she admitted, "although perhaps I should have."

                "So why are you here…?" Akane asked, her eyes narrowed in suspicion.

                "To make amends, of course," Ku Lon replied. "After all, the terms of the challenge have put Ranma in something of a fix, have they not?"

                "Hah!" she said dismissively. "Even as a girl, I'm more than enough for the likes of _him."_

                Shoulders shaking with very carefully contained anger, Akane wrapped a towel firmly around her fiancé's chest. "So then…" she asked with frightening sweetness, "just _what are you going to do about 'your pledge as a __man,' hmmm?"_

                "…Erk…" Ranma's eyes widened.

                "Actually," Ku Lon said, "that's part of why I am here…"

_A.N.        Bother.__ This is a really__ short chapter. I'm sorry, it wasn't intentional. Things just sort of turned out this way. It didn't help that a large part of this comes, once again, directly from the manga. Ku Lon's minor change just hasn't had enough time to take effect yet._

_                That's going to change in the next chapter, though, which will be made up almost entirely out of whole cloth. ^_^__ Wish me luck, because that means I'm probably going to be getting ambitious. Ku Lon won't remove the pressure point (which would defeat the purpose of making Ranma motivated to learn), but she can__ offer some other training. Ranma's already proven that when push comes to shove, he can learn things overnight, as long as he has at least had a chance to watch it (witness Kodachi's match). Of course, Ku Lon's assistance might not be entirely martial, either…_

_                If anyone has ideas for relatively simple techniques that Ku Lon could give Ranma to give him an edge, go ahead, I could use the assistance, and I'll give full credit for the ideas in the Author's Notes._

_                The fight with Mu Tzu, just so you know, is going to be rather different from the one in the manga: one, because of Ku Lon's intervention, and two: in the manga, Ranma is crippled by his female form, and that doesn't make logical sense to me. He's had the curse too long and gotten into too many fights with it to miscalculate that badly. ^_^___

_                Sorry about the delay in getting this out… the LotR fanfiction Journey through Shadows__ is taking up a lot of my time, as my friend really is fired up about it, and I can't write both at once (the writing style that each uses is too different from the other, and if I tried both of them would flop). However, I think I can get another chapter of this done fairly soon. Just rest assured – I am__ working on it, just slowly._

_                As for my other stories, they're probably going to have to go on hold for a little while; between papers and the two fanfictions I'm working on, I've pretty much reached my limit._

_                And to Joe Chaos, Janelle Highland, Vixen__ and Stephen Cozine__, and everyone else who sent me the links for the translated manga: THANK YOU SO MUCH! ^__^___


	4. SENSEI Chapter Three

STICKS AND CARROTS

Part One: Sensei

Chapter Three

                Ranma regarded Ku Lon suspiciously. "All right, old ghoul," she said. "Do your worst."

                Ku Lon raised an eyebrow at the tiny girl sitting cross-legged on the dojo floor, then bopped her solidly over the head.

                "Ow!" Ranma rubbed her head and glared daggers at Ku Lon. "Whad'ja do that for??"

                "Lesson one," Ku Lon lectured. "While I train you, I am to be addressed as Matriarch or Sensei."

                "What for?" Ranma muttered sullenly. She was none too pleased with this, and especially with Ku Lon. After all, the Amazon matriarch had gotten Ranma into a serious mess, and Ranma was in no mood to bow and scrape to her.

                "To ensure that you are in the properly receptive state of mind," Ku Lon replied, although in all reality she didn't think the lesson would work that way. Ranma was too chaotic for the classic dojo-lessons to really capture his (her?) attention; they were too repetitive, too simplistic.

                Ranma was, to be succinct, Ku Lon's favorite kind of student.

                "_NOW!" Ku Lon snapped suddenly with all the force of a drill sergeant, and had the satisfaction of seeing her temporary student jump with surprise. "I will not remove the Full-Body Cat's Tongue," she said bluntly, satisfied that she had Ranma's full attention._

                "Why not? It would fix the whole stupid mess," the girl-who-was-really-a-boy grumbled.

                Ku Lon looked sternly at her. "I will not because to give you such a simple solution would defeat the purpose of the lesson. I gave you that particular point for a reason, and that was to learn how to best use _both of your bodies to deal with adversity. You dislike your female body, and so you avoid it. __HOWEVER," she said sharply, overriding the girl/boy as she opened her mouth, "the time __will come when you must fight, perhaps in a serious confrontation, and there will be no hot water available to you."_

                To her surprise, Ranma still looked sullen and rebellious – but she/he _didn't loudly and violently argue the point. Doubtless at some point in Ranma's long journey back to Japan from Jusenkyou she/he had encountered that particular circumstance, and the memory apparently was not pleasant. So instead of exploding in fury, she (Ku Lon decided to simply go with the pronoun applicable to the current body, to save herself a headache) muttered, "The first sign of girly stuff, I'm outta here…"_

                Ku Lon laughed. "Take me with you when you go, if by 'girly stuff' you mean dresses and cute little bows and such," she said.

                Ranma blinked at her. "Eh?" she spluttered.

                "Ranma, I am an Amazon. Our women are our primary warriors, and they must be prepared to fight at all times. Do you understand what that means?" She looked at Ranma, who simply stared back. "Answer, teishi! It was not a rhetorical question."

                Ranma looked at her in surprise. Apparently she was accustomed to having the answer pounded into her if she gave the wrong answer. Ku Lon simply waited, however. She needed to accustom Ranma to engaging her/his (ARGH! Gender-bending curses were a pain!) intellect in areas outside of combat. Once the beginning steps were established, she hoped that Ranma would continue them on her own, and the crippling effects of Genma's stupidity would begin to unravel.

                "Ummm… That you don't wear girly stuff because it'll get in the way?" she said tentatively.

                "Oh, we'll wear it. We just wear varieties that do not interfere with our fighting. That means no frills, no bows, and no poofy skirts." The relief on Ranma's face was almost painful. Feeling absurdly like she was letting Ranma down somehow, Ku Lon said, "There may come a time when you may need to learn how to handle feminine clothing, but not now. For now, the main concern is that you must adapt yourself to your female form. There are several differences that you must adapt to…"

                "I already know 'bout the change in weight," Ranma said offhandedly, "an' the way my legs move different. An' my arm's 'n' legs are shorter. Tripped me up f'r a bit, too, at first."

                "Good. Then you have a place to start." Ku Lon smiled. "But what about your breasts?"

                Ranma blinked for a moment, then turned brilliant scarlet and crossed her arms defensively over her chest. "What about 'em?!"

                "I'm sure you've had some discomforts regarding them."

                Ranma glowered. "Like what?!" she demanded crossly.

                "I'm sure you already have noticed how much they bounce," Ku Lon said dryly. "Especially considering how much jumping is a part of your Art." Ignoring Ranma's blush (which had, if possible, gotten brighter), she added, "They're unusually large for your frame, also. If you don't start adapting your clothing to adjust, they will both bounce painfully and they will cause back problems, as well."

                To her surprise, Ranma's blush vanished, replaced by a nearly translucent white of anger. "I will _not wear a bra! I am __not a __GIRL!"_

                Ku Lon blinked. '_That was… unexpected. There may be more of a problem here than simple gender identity after all… I'm going to need to tread carefully.' "And what is so harmful about wearing clothing appropriate to your body? You __are female physically. There is no shame in dressing in a manner suited to your body."_

                Ranma said nothing, simply glowering at Ku Lon. Checking the pseudo-girl's aura, Ku Lon realized she was treading on extremely thin ice. _Something had caused Ranma to think that dressing 'femininely' in __any way was indeed shameful; taking this tack of argument was simply causing Ranma to close down even more. If Ku Lon pursued this angle, Ranma would stop listening to her. So instead, she backtracked a bit._

                "They are going to get in the way of your fighting, child. Surely you have noticed this?" After a long, tense pause Ranma nodded, and Ku Lon asked, "Have you ever tried to bind them in some way, to prevent this?"

                "Yeah," Ranma mumbled at length, "once."

                "And?" Ku Lon arched a brow.

                "I turned back to a guy a little later." Her expression was sour.

                '_Now what… oh.__ Of course. The male form has a larger build; anything that could hold that bust comfortably in the female form will be strangling in the male. Poor child. Being a boy is important to him… and wearing things that fit the female form, given the size difference, is like being locked in female form. He wouldn't be able to shift back to male until he changes clothes.' Outer clothes were not so much of a problem – she had plainly already found a style that suited both bodies – but underclothes, especially female-specific ones, were not so flexible._

                There might be a way to fix that problem, but now was not the time. On one hand, Ranma was already stuck in female form, thus having nothing to lose – but adding the topic of feminine clothes was adding insult to injury.

                Besides, at the moment there were other subjects to pursue that were less problematic. "Tell me then, child – what else is different about this body? What are its _advantages?"_

                Ranma gave her a skeptical look; Ku Lon returned a severe one. Sighing, the girl settled back in thought. "I'm faster," she said, "and smaller. And it's deceptive."

                "Deceptive?" Ku Lon asked, though her own thoughts earlier regarding the girl-body's petite size returned to her. But Ranma just smiled slightly and shook her head. Ku Lon felt a little chill of mingled apprehension and anticipation. Ranma could have anything up her sleeve; the child's strength was her adaptability and unpredictability.

                Ku Lon smiled mysteriously and prepped herself. "Ah… but can you fight?"

                Ranma sprang to her feet. "Try me, old ghoul!"

                _Whack. "What did I say about addressing me, student?" Ku Lon chided._

                To her surprise, Ranma's eyes didn't even cross from the blow. While it had been nowhere near the strongest Ku Lon could bring to bear, still she had put enough force into it that it _should have disoriented Ranma for a moment or two. Instead, the girl grinned. "Hah? Didja say something, ghoul?"_

                Ku Lon retaliated once again – but this time something warned her that a straightforward bop to the head would not be the wisest course. So instead, she pogoed right over Ranma's head and delivered a smack to the girl's cute little tush before darting out of range again. "Tut tut, such manners."

                Ranma's mouth firmed and Ku Lon smiled. Now things were getting a little more serious. "Respect's gotta be earned, old bag," she said shortly.

                Ku Lon started forward – but Ranma was already in motion, and Ku Lon found herself forced to dodge a flurry of blows. Although she managed to land a light smack on the girl's head, it was close. She landed at a distance again, feeling a thrill, and feeling a little foolish. She had let herself fall into the most basic preliminary of Ranma's style: make your opponent make the first move. She had paid the price in effort. Ranma hadn't landed a blow, and Ku Lon _was keeping herself down to Ranma's level – but the simple fact that she was forcing Ku Lon to adjust that apparent level upwards spoke well for Ranma._

                "Well done, student," Ku Lon said. "But… can you handle this?"

                With those words, she sprang forward again, this time releasing a portion of her speed. Ranma did well, but was outmatched, and the girl was sent flying into the wall. Ku Lon left her to pull herself up, waiting to see what the response would be.

                Suddenly, the matriarch found herself the target of sparkling crystal-blue eyes and a tiny bundle of childish enthusiasm. "Ooooooh, that's so _neat, do you think you could do it again? You're __so coooooool!"_

                Ku Lon blinked in shock – and was almost taken down by a fierce flurry of blows completely out of character with that hyperactive squeal of glee. Bouncing back, she began to laugh at the sheer ingenuity. "Kawaii-fu, student?"

                "Heh." The uber-kawaii façade dropped as the girl smirked. "Anything Goes."

                Ku Lon sprang forward and began an extended exchange of blows. "Of course," she said conversationally, "that little trick is limited in its effectiveness. Anyone who knows you will not be fooled by it."

                "Oh?" Ranma was being driven backwards slowly, but she aptly blocked each blow. "You knew better, and you still fell for it."

                Ku Lon blinked in surprise, and Ranma took advantage of the split moment of surprise to steal the offensive. She did not land any blows, but the fact that she still managed to steal the initiative was impressive. "True. And tell me – do you know why that was the case?"

                "It wasn't _me," Ranma answered absently. Sweat was beginning to bead on her forehead. "That's all; it jus' wasn't what fit wha' y' thought o' me."_

                "Very accurate, teishi. Watch your defenses." That comment was accompanied by a painful rap against Ranma's side. That particular hole immediately vanished, but to Ku Lon's pleasure the disappearance was _not accompanied by a cascade of new holes – this student did not make the mistake of concentrating solely on correcting an error._

                The spar intensified rapidly, as Ku Lon pushed the child's skills to her limits and beyond. Ranma did not only match Ku Lon's blows, she absorbed them. Before long, Ku Lon found herself the target of several of her own moves. Expecting them, she used Ranma's execution as an object lesson in their weaknesses. The spar/lesson progressed that way; she would tag Ranma with a combination and Ranma would emulate it at a later point, giving Ku Lon the opportunity to demonstrate the weakness of the technique with smart raps. The next time Ku Lon used that combination, Ranma would attempt to employ those weaknesses, and Ku Lon would demonstrate the defenses.

                Eventually, Ranma was sprawled swirly-eyed and panting on the floor, scuffed and bruised… and, oddly, grinning like a little kid in a toy store with a blank check. When some sense returned to her eyes, Ku Lon made her assume a basic lotus position.

                And then they did something that had never, ever been part of Ranma's training with her father for as long as the child could remember.

                They talked.

                "I don't get it," Ranma muttered to herself.

                "What, teishi?" Ku Lon asked, thinking that the girl was referring to the sparring session.

                Her assumption was wrong. "Why th' heck was Akane so mad at me this evenin'? What th' heck did I do t' her?"

                "I can't imagine why she'd feel that way," Ku Lon said dryly. "After all, she's only being used as the prize in a competition where she has very little connection."

                "Exactly!" Ranma said. "Wha's she so mad about? I mean, I didn't make such a fuss when she used _me as a prize."_

                Ku Lon blinked. "Excuse me? What exactly are you referring to?"

                "Ah, jus' somethin' tha' happened a bit before Shampoo arrived th' first time. Some crazy girl – Kuno Kodachi – was competin' against Akane in a Martial Rhythmic gymnastics match. A bit b'fore th' match, she wagered against Akane wi' me goin' t' the victor."

                Ku Lon considered this new information. "The situation is not exactly the same. In that case, I believe the suggestion came from an outside source?"

                Ranma gave her a sardonic look. "'Scuse me, but it wasn't _me who went an' dragged Akane inta this."_

                "True… but neither did you object."

                "Hey, what was I s'posed t' do?" the girl demanded hotly. "I couldn't jus' let him insult me like that!"

                '_Of course – the stupid training-potty attack. Once Mu Tzu pulled that out, it became a matter of offended honor for Ranma.' Ku Lon knew that Ranma's honor was very important to the girl (boy) – perhaps even more now than before she received her curse. Ranma was naturally proud; combined with her station as the heir of her family's martial style, no offense of honor could be shrugged away._

                "Besides, Akane certainly never objected to bettin' me," Ranma said with a sour look on her face.

                "Have you tried talking to her about this?" Ku Lon asked. "Possibly she does not consider this to be a similar situation – or she simply hasn't realized the connections."

                Ranma blinked. "Isn't it kinda obvious?"

                Ku Lon shook her head. "It has been my resigned experience that most people view a situation differently when they are not the one directly affected. Akane is upset because she is standing in the prize's position this time and quite dislikes the experience. I suggest that you _do discuss this matter with her and present your point of view."_

                Ranma sighed and blew a lock of hair out of her face. "What's th' point? We always seem t' end up fightin'. I don't get it."

                Ku Lon shook her head. She had a hunch; Ranma only knew fighting in her life, after all. A fight, however unpleasant, was at least familiar territory. "Consider it part of your training, then, if that will help."

                "Eh?" Ranma blinked at her again. "How's talkin' t' Akane count as trainin'?"

                "I will explain when you return. Just one suggestion – focus, and don't allow yourself to be sidetracked with accusations. State facts, and leave opinions out of it. Now scoot."

                Ranma hesitated outside Akane's door and scratched the back of her neck. '_Oh man, what am I su'posed t' do now?'_

                The cute little duck with _Akane written on it, if it had any advice to impart, was holding its peace._

                Ranma straightened her shoulders. '_Aw, hell, what's th' worst she can do, huh? Hit me again?' Ignoring the little mini-Ranma that cowered slightly and __eeped at the thought, she raised her hand and knocked. '__All I gotta do is tell her what the ghoul said…'_

                "Who is it?" Akane asked.

                "Ummm… jus' me. Ranma," she corrected, realizing how dumb 'it's me' sounded as a response to the question.

                There was a moment of silence, then Akane asked, "Oh. What do _you want? Don't you have some __training with that delightful little old Amazon grandmother to do?"_

                If Ranma had been a little more experienced dealing with people, she would have been able to correctly define Akane's tone as 'sulky'. As it was, all she knew was that the tension level seemed to have risen a couple points when she identified herself. "Ummm… well, this is kinda part of that…"

                "What?" Akane asked, a little clearer now as though she were becoming curious in spite of herself. "What do _I have to do with your training?"_

                Even Ranma could pick up on the slightly resentful tone of Akane's voice, although she didn't have the first idea why Akane would be feeling that way. "Ummm… I'm not sure, actually. Bu' she said it was kinda important…"

                There was another long pause, then she heard Akane's purposeful walk over to the door, and it opened.

                Akane studied the girl-at-the-moment with slight suspicion. After several moments passed, she finally demanded, "Well?"

                "Ummm…" Ranma fidgeted nervously, suddenly aware that she didn't have the slightest idea what she was supposed to be doing. "How come you're mad at me?" she finally asked, feeling a cold sweat trickle down her back.

                Akane's expression darkened, and the nervous sweat got a little worse. "Well, I wonder," she said icily. "What _possible reason could I have for being angry? Hmmm. Let me see. __Maybe it has something to do with being bartered around as a __prize by some baka in a fight __I HAVE NO CONNECTION TO????"_

                Ranma was currently fighting two instincts. One was urging her to run like hell and perhaps have a chance of surviving this encounter; the other was saying that the best defense was a good offense. Normally, it was the second, with the backing of not-insubstantial pride and years of conditioning, which won the battle.

                However, there was a third, tiny voice, too quiet and shy normally to emerge until one of the other two, or both together, had destroyed the window of opportunity. This third little voice had recently received an unexpected bolstering, and that little added strength gave it a chance to come to the forefront, for once in Ranma's life. "But what makes this so dif'rent from when Kodachi made her bet with ya?"

                Akane blinked at him, anger momentarily derailed by confusion. "What?"

                Ranma looked down and scuffed the floor with her foot. "Well… um… didn' you 'n' Kodachi set me up as stakes in yer Rhythmic Gymnastics competition?"

                Akane stared at her for a minute. Then the thought seemed to connect and she spluttered, "Th… that was different!"

                "It was? How?" Ranma asked. That timid little voice had grown stronger when she was not immediately punished for following its lead. "Seems th' same t' me…"

                Akane's mouth opened and closed several times before she seemed to construct a reply. "I'd given a promise! My honor and the honor of my school was at stake! I couldn't just call it off!"

                Ranma gave her an incredulous look. "Y' saw that stupid attack Mousse pulled on me an' you're sayin' that _my honor isn't at stake wi' a straight face?"_

                Akane seemed to be finding her focus again – or at least, she seemed to be getting angry rather than flummoxed again. Ranma did _not think this was a positive development. "Well you certainly didn't object when Mousse named me as the prize!"_

                "An' no one made ya take Kodachi up on her bet…" Ranma said tentatively, trying to figure out what was going on. This entire confrontation had all the edginess and tension of a regular fight, but it was progressing completely contrary to what she was used to. Except for the one _baka in the beginning, not a single insult had been thrown, and Akane hadn't yet tried to slap her or anything._

                Akane glowered slightly and Ranma realized that she'd made a mistake again. "I couldn't just call it off or say no! I'd be implying that I didn't have faith in my own training and abilities!"

                "But… isn't it th' same thing for me?" Ranma said, now completely lost. Was she being held to a different standard or something? If she was, would somebody explain it to her? "'sides, I'm th' challenger here. Mousse has th' right t' name the time, style 'n' stakes, that's th' way a challenge works, right?"

                Akane seemed to be struggling again. "Let's get one thing straight!" she snapped at last. "I was _not fighting Kodachi for __you, got that??"_

                "I know," Ranma said simply, wondering why they were repeating the conversation they'd had in the dojo after Kodachi had made her little wager. Hadn't they already established this? "An' I'm not fightin' Mousse f'r you."

                Akane's face darkened a bit and one of her hands was twitching. Ranma braced herself. Akane broadcast her moves loud and clear, but then again Ranma had always been taught that when a girl tried to hit you outside of combat or sparring, it was supposed to teach you something and you weren't supposed to hit back or dodge or they'd just get angrier. It didn't make any sense to him, but then again most things didn't. Certainly no one seemed to expect him to dodge the slaps, so he didn't.

                He was also confused. This bore a lot of resemblances to Akane's reaction to his behavior under the N-Neko-ken… but like then, he simply couldn't figure out what exactly Akane was mad about. Was she mad that he was fighting over _her… or was she mad that he __wasn't?_

                Why did people have to be so confusing??

                Finally, Akane let out a frustrated sound and slammed the door closed. Ranma blinked at the wood grain for a minute, trying to figure out what had happened. Should she go and talk to Akane again? That would almost assuredly result in something being thrown at her, but then again…

                Finally Ranma turned and walked back to the dojo. Cologne had suggested that little 'training exercise', maybe the old ghoul could explain the results.

                Ku Lon hid a smile as Ranma told her what had happened. This was a second test; she had in fact listened in on the entire encounter, but she wanted Ranma to repeat it. Which the girl did – word for word, almost, proving true Ku Lon's personal theory that Ranma's memory was much better than Ranma let on, or perhaps was even aware of. As for the primary test…

                "You did quite well on that exercise, child. Better than I honestly thought you would. You did not have a clean victory, which is to be expected given your inexperience, but you did have a victory. What is more, coming down here rather than follow Akane after she retreated showed good judgment."

                "After she retreated?" Ranma blinked. "Whaddaya mean?"

                Ku Lon chuckled. "Your little confrontation was a mini-challenge, if you like. The point of the challenge was to get Akane to accept your point of view. When she chose to close the door rather than reply, she essentially retreated, which gives you a temporary victory. When she chooses to respond in a manner other than answering a question or offering a different argument, she is indirectly admitting that you are correct and that she does not have an adequate response. The fact that she chose retreat rather than insults or blows means that you prevented her from viewing your arguments as an attack on her." '_A very simplified explanation, but I am not the one to explain the intricacies of interpersonal interactions. Not yet, at any rate.'_

                Ranma looked uneasy. "Wow. People think of just talkin' like that?"

                Ku Lon laughed again. "Not really, but this explanation is best suited to your experience. Most people don't really _think about talking, but the results are essentially the same."_

                Ranma looked like she was getting a headache, and Ku Lon decided that she'd done enough with this for now. The seed had been planted, now it simply needed time to grow.

                "Now…" she said with a grin, prepping herself for another entertaining sparring session, "allow me to demonstrate a few tricks of Mu Tzu's…"

_(A.N. Okay. Many apologies for the long delay in getting this out, but my dear friend marsfiremm has been a little… um… pushy about the LotR fanfic Journey through Shadows__ that I'm helping her write. (And posting under my name… oh, the shame.) Plus, honestly, I was a little short on ideas regarding how Ku Lon was going to handle this whole encounter, and the kinda lackluster response during my last update wasn't particularly encouraging me to blow a gasket writing this chapter. Not to mention school was being a pain, but that isn't going to change anytime soon anyway._

_                Just a side note – I give many thanks and also credit to TheGrum (http://grum.anifics.com/)__ for some of the seed ideas for how Ku Lon's going to handle herself and some of the lessons that she will offer Ranma. Similar credit goes to Kenko (http://www.knology.net/~kenjiko2/, can also be found here on FF.net)__ for Ku Lon and for the sheer comic relief provided by his most excellent fanfic Girl Days__._

_                For the future… don't hold your breath waiting for the next part to come out. I can__ assure you that the fight with Mu Tzu is going to be different than the manga… when I get to it._

_                As for the conversation with Akane – in the manga, she's actually quite nice, and I try to give her due credit. She does have a problem with her temper and she does have a habit of mis-interpreting events. Regarding the connection with the Kodachi incident… well, it was a random thought that made a lot of sense to me. Ranma's taking his cues from Akane at the moment, and Akane did not seem at all upset about using Ranma as a bet._

_                I still have no idea what kind of match-up will occur in this fic – or even if there will be a match-up at all. To the people who complained that Akane isn't spoiled… well, my interpretation is that she is a little__ spoiled – and Ku Lon is not exactly an unbiased observer. Yes, she helped them in this chapter – but the focus was helping Ranma__ mature. As for underlying plot… well, I have a confession. I'm taking my cues from the manga at the moment, and there doesn't really seem to be one outside character interactions, so that's what I'm focusing on._

_                Heh. I'll stop rambling now. Gomen nasai. Please review – the more encouragement I get in writing this, the more likely the chances are that I will continue.)_


	5. SENSEI Chapter Four

STICKS AND CARROTS

Part One: Sensei

Chapter Four

                It was a clear, fine day. On one horizon there were some clouds, but overhead the sky was brilliant blue and the sun was clear without being blinding or hot.

                _Pow__! Pop!  Crackers were going off in the sky. And underneath…_

                "Ranma's in a duel?!"

                "C'mon! Let's go watch!"

                "Fresh-cooked ramen! Come and get it!"

                "Hey, check out that stage they set up!"

                "I hear Akane's the prize!"

                "No way!!"

                "Does that mean Ranma's gonna be free?"

                "Get real!"

                Akane _stared. "The…they're turning this into… into a __carnival!"_

                Ku Lon, perched on her staff next to the aghast short-haired girl, shaded her eyes to examine the gathered crowd of Furinkan students. "Hmmm. She's late."

                "/Should I get the dumplings, Great-Grandmother?\"

                Ku Lon deprived herself of the staff's support long enough to lightly bonk Xian Pu on the head, managing to get it back under her before she dropped more than a centimeter or so. "Xian Pu, what have I been telling you?"

                Xian Pu blushed slightly. "Speak Japanese, is more nice to customers. Very sorry, Great-Grandmother – Xian Pu just too too excited!"

                '_Well… I suppose I can let her off this time.' Ku Lon was in an exceptionally good mood today, after all – and it __was a rather exciting time for Xian Pu. Martial arts was about discipline – but childhood was about having fun. And although Xian Pu already knew that this little battle would certainly not rid her of her rival, still she __did get to watch her prospective husband trounce a fellow who had pestered her for quite some time. Not quite the gallant hero effect, considering he was doing it for his honor rather than for her – but still a nice thought._

                Xian Pu pulled out the vendor's box she had brought along and slung it over her shoulder, then reached inside and pulled out a tray of dumplings, letting the spicy smell waft through the crowd and draw the attention of customers. (Not that her adorable face and excellent figure did anything to assist in attracting customers, nope-nope, what gave you that idea?) "Hot dumplings! Hot dumplings!" she caroled, strolling through the crowd.

                Ku Lon glanced over at Akane. "Tell me, child – what is Ranma going to do about that little 'man-to-man' clause? She still can't endure warm water." Ku Lon shook her head. "I'm afraid that a man-to-_man fight is something of an impossibility at the moment."_

                "He'll be here!" Akane snapped. Still, the girl seemed a little nervous.

                Ku Lon looked at her. "Do not be concerned. You are 'prize' in this competition in name only. It has no binding power."

                Akane turned to blink at her. "What are you talking about?"

                "Amazon law, child. Courtship via combat between rivals is a very old and quite outdated custom, but as the presiding Matriarch I have judged this situation similar enough for the rules to apply. One of those rules is the fact that all three concerned parties must consent to the outcome of the match." Ku Lon smiled to herself. '_And oh was Mu Tzu ever annoyed at me for doing so. That boy seems to be in the habit of considering himself to be outside the laws these days… I shall have to correct that.'_

                Akane _Glared. Capital letter visible. "They. Are. Not. Courting. Me!"_

                "True. This is an honor duel, which makes your position as 'prize' even more invalid. If this were a true courtship matter, you and I would be co-referees and judges of the competition. Of course, if this were a true courtship case, then it should be Xian Pu standing as the prize, considering that Mu Tzu has eyes only for her." '_And sometimes not even her,' Ku Lon thought in amusement. She knew it was bad of her to be entertained by the boy's handicap… but his antics were laughable._

                "Really?" Akane looked at her curiously.

                '_Excellent. She's starting to relax.' This was, of course, another aspect of Ku Lon's little carrot-campaign. Making friends with Ranma's companions would make her more approachable to Ranma. Besides – the girl wasn't hopeless. She might indeed be a very good student. Ranma might be Ku Lon's priority, but she had no intentions of letting all this potential around her go to waste._

                '_I wonder if Japanese simply have a native talent, or if it's just something about this area that seems to attract them?' After glancing at some of the other students, she added, '__Or maybe they just have pinnacles of ability to compensate for the low potential of the average person.'_

                Before Ku Lon could explain her statement to Akane, however, a shout caught their attention. "So, Saotome Ranma! You have come!"

                Akane immediately perked up and turned. "See! I told you he'd…"

                She made a little erk sound and jumped, too weirded-out to facefault. After all, Mu Tzu was currently glaring eye-to-eye with a very plain fellow who'd just bought some dumplings.

                "Um… d'you want something?" the boy asked.

                "Our man-to-man fight!" Mu Tzu snarled. There was an edge of satisfaction, as though 'Ranma's' 'pretended innocence' were proving the other boy a coward.

                Ku Lon stared at the tableau incredulously, then jumped up and firmly thwacked Mu Tzu with her staff. "You think _that's Ranma?" she demanded._

                Mu Tzu turned to stare at her. Tension gathered.

                Then he drew himself up in horror. "You certainly have shriveled up, Saotome!"

                Ku Lon borrowed a page from Akane's book and _Glared, with enough force that even without his glasses Mu Tzu shrank back. "Put your glasses on, idiot!" she snapped._

                _Bip. Spectacles in place, Mu Tzu peered._

                "It…it's a _ghoul!" he said in wonder._

                Forget the staff; Ku Lon went for a nice, old-fashioned fist-whack on the back of the boy's bent head. "/By my ancestors, sometimes I believe Mu Tzu fakes his blindness – just to get away with comments like _that,\" she grumbled to herself in Mandarin._

                "INTO THE RING, MOUSSE!" a ringing voice shouted from above.

                "Eh?" Mu Tzu stiffened.

                "Ranma?" Akane said, looking up curiously.

                Ku Lon smiled to herself. '_Finally.__ I wonder what she… he__ has been up to.'_

                Ranma whirled through the air, somersaulting gracefully over and over as she descended to the stage. A stir went through the crowds as everyone gathered for the event. She touched down with the grace of a cat…

                Completely enwrapped by a robe with absolutely ridiculous glasses covering her eyes. "Sorry to keep you waiting!" she declared, sounding about ready to laugh.

                A yammer went up from the gathered students. "He's wearing too many clothes!"

                "How can we be sure that it's him?"

                Mu Tzu did not seem to share the students' misgivings… but then again, he'd taken off his glasses again, and he was used to mistaking people anyway. He probably didn't even notice how much shorter Ranma had become. He leapt onto the stage.

                "So, Ranma! You _have come!"_

                The yammering continued. "Well, _he seems sure."_

                "So does Akane, and she'd know, right?"

                "I guess it's him!"

                "What's up with the clothes, then?"

                Next to Ku Lon, Akane swabbed cold sweat from her brow with an incredulous expression. "This is worse than the Rhythmic Gymnastics match," she grumbled to herself. "I can't believe he keeps pulling stuff like this off…"

                Ku Lon chuckled as she hopped into Xian Pu's now-empty dumpling box – no reason to distract herself from the fight, even with something as trivial as balancing on her staff. "You'd be amazed what the human mind can edit out to maintain their image of reality."

                To her surprise Akane gave her a sardonically amused look. "You haven't met Kuno."

                "Eh?" But the girl plainly was going to leave her statement at that. Shrugging, Ku Lon straightened and raised a hand into the air. "Begin!" she shouted, and Mu Tzu replaced his glasses.

                From under her ridiculously oversized sunglasses, Ranma smirked. "Well then… _ALLOW ME!"_

                There was an explosion of colored smoke and ribbons, and Mu Tzu suddenly found himself the target of a hail of party favors and a rush of rather blitzed-looking rabbits. "_WHAT?!" Shielding himself from a swarm of white birds rushing past, he demanded furiously, "What is __this?!"_

                Ranma chuckled, shooing the last birds out of her sleeves. "What'sa matter, Mousse?" she asked tauntingly. "No more tricks up yer sleeve?"

                Mousse pulled himself up to stand tall, wrapping himself with dignity as he slid his glasses from his face. "'Tricks'?" he demanded softly. "You dare call my techniques… '_tricks'?"_

                Ranma waved her hands negligently, and as some playing cards fluttered out of the sleeves Ku Lon realized that the makeshift robe – plainly a parody of Mu Tzu's own, now that she could see it a little better – was decidedly big for Ranma.

                To disguise her smaller build…? To hide the toys she was teasing Mu Tzu with…? Or was it to conceal something else? Time would tell…

                "So what else is this 'Hidden Weapon' business o' yours…" Ranma asked tauntingly, sticking her tongue out as huge bouquets of flowers popped out of her sleeves, "…'cept just a cute little magic show?"

                Mu Tzu turned away, eyes lidded as though to control his anger, and slipped his glasses back on. "So. Is that what you think?"

                His hair fell down to hide his face as he continued. "Then it's time you learned…" he began, sweeping his arms upward through an atmosphere of menace, "…the true terror of the hidden weapon!…

                "_THE BLOW OF THE CHICKEN EGG!" he roared, and as his arms swept upwards with a flaring of his robes an image seemed to form around him. Awesome and terrible, it coalesced into a chicken rampant._

                As everyone stared, transfixed in dread and awe (or maybe just disbelief), Mu Tzu raised a hand, and the chicken on it _bukked and released a half-dozen eggs which Mu Tzu caught with disciplined care and flung at Ranma._

                _BOOM!_

                "Yow!" Ranma said, having leapt clear of the explosion. "Egg bombs!" Quickly recovering from her momentary surprise, she easily leapt over Mu Tzu's spin kick as she laughed, "Just another trick."

                "Take that back!" Mu Tzu demanded, flinging a flurry of chains and ropes at Ranma.

                "_YAA!" Ranma flipped over in midair and snatched one of the 'party favor' ribbons she'd tossed lightly about earlier. In her hands it became a spiral, deflecting the chains._

                Akane gasped. "That… that's one of the techniques of…"

                "Awesome!" a girl in the stands crowed. "Hey, look! Ranma's using a Rhythmic Martial Arts technique!"

                Ranma grinned and tossed the ribbon (now badly slashed and torn) aside. Mu Tzu glared, but did not seem dissuaded by the temporary stalemate. "Have you run out of silly tricks?" he demanded, clearly frustrated by Ranma's apparent lack of ability to take this challenge seriously.

                Ranma grinned. "I'm just getting warmed up. Now, for my grand finale…" Tucking into a ball again and trailing bits of ribbon and chain, she shouted, "_a gesture of respect!"_

                _Poooom! Ranma vanished in a cloud of crimson smoke._

                "Yow!"

                "He blew himself up?!"

                As the smoke faded, a whirl of pale flower petals tumbled down, accented by shreds of the huge robe. And a lithe red-clad figure dropped gracefully down to land with a delicate touch on the square.

                And everyone stared.

                There Ranma stood… in full feminine grace. Although the pigtail remained, a flower-shaped clip glimmered at the end, accented by gold and red clip-on earrings. And she was wrapped in a beautiful scarlet Chinese dress with a knee-length skirt that was slit on the sides all the way up to the hip, with golden roses embroidered on it.

                "I become a woman!" she announced.

                No, everyone didn't stare. Everyone _Stared._

                "It's…It's _incredible!"_

                "It looks so _real!"_

                Amongst the male students of Furinkan, drooling abounded.

                Xian Pu started to say something in Mandarin, then caught herself and said it in Japanese, although so quietly that probably only Ku Lon could hear her. "Aiyah! Girl-Airen look too too good in… Xian Pu's old dress?"

                And Ku Lon… smirked. '_So that's__ what the child was up to when she asked for one of Xian Pu's outfits. Amazing, the lengths one will go to in a challenge…'_

                Ranma dropped into a combat-ready pose and smirked – plainly unaware of what the sight of her perfectly formed legs and lovely figure was doing to the crowd. "_Now, Mousse!" she announced. "Even dressed as a girl, I'm more than enough for ya!"_

                Mu Tzu stared, enraged. And fortunately for Ranma, he did not seem to recognize the dress as once being Xian Pu's (not surprising, given his vision), or his fury would doubtless have been even worse. "Why you…! Disguising yourself like that!" he roared. "Do you want to make a fool of me?!"

                Ranma's smirk didn't change a bit. "C'mon, I think you should be honored that I went t' the trouble of presentin' ya with a proper image of a warrior! After all, you are an _Amazon, right?"_

                Ku Lon grinned. "That child is quite the character, at least. A clever dodge, that."

                Xian Pu just shook her head. "They really think… he just _disguised?"_

                Akane's jaw had dropped. "He… he _did it!" Jumping up, she shouted, "That's the way to sell 'em, Ranma!"_

                Ku Lon smiled. Her demonstration of the night before and some of her conversations had apparently been quite useful to the boy. And given the tight fit of the dress, she could also see that Ranma was wearing _something – not a bra, the lines were wrong, but something all the same – to control the interference of her chest. Perhaps her little talk regarding that topic had __not fallen on completely deaf ears, after all._

                Mu Tzu's eyes narrowed – at some point he had removed his glasses (again) – and with a smooth movement he swept his own robe off, revealing a well-formed chest that had a fair number of girls in the audience sighing in admiration (no one seemed to pay any attention to the squeaky-frog toy, the ping-pong paddle, the can-opener, the ribbon-tied dagger, the sai, the brass knuckles or the hairbrush that fell out as he did so). "Now I know what you want!"

                "Huh?" Ranma said, watching him warily. Ku Lon wondered if she was bracing herself for another glomp-attempt or something.

                (There was a shout next to them – promptly silenced as Akane punched someone in the back of the head, sending them down swirly-eyed into dreamland. "Kuno no baka," the girl grumbled without taking her eyes off the drama on the arena.)

                But Mu Tzu simply drew himself up into a one-legged fighting stance, radiating menace so powerfully the air around him almost audibly crackled. "Time to put away out tricks," he said in a dangerous voice. "Time to fight with bodies alone."

                "Oooh," Xian Pu said, sounding impressed. "Mu Tzu is _angry!"_

                "Heh," Akane said, sounding a little smug. "In hand-to-hand combat, Ranma _can't lose."_

                "This is what you want!" Mu Tzu shouted, lunging forwards to launch a storm of relatively straightforward fist-jabs. "Admit it!"

                "Actually," Ranma said in an almost cheery, conversational voice, "it's not even close t' what I wanted." As she spoke, the girl glided around each and every blow with fluid grace and an ease that was insulting. When the moment was right, she slipped out of Mu Tzu's range and the two separated, readied for the next exchange.

                Then Mu Tzu made a flying leap and Ranma sprang into the air as well, the two hurtling towards each other. Ku Lon winced. '_Ranma's__ going to try a cross-counter-kick. I thought she was smarter than that! Her arms and legs are too much shorter than Mu Tzu's for that tactic to do anything but give him a free hit!'_

                Then Ku Lon learned that even Amazon Elders could misread a fighter's intent… for instead of making a foolish mistake by trying to sneak a kick in right along the line of Mu Tzu's own leg, Ranma suddenly snapped her feet around Mu Tzu's foot and just _dropped, breaking his momentum with her own and sending them both tumbling downward in nearly straight lines. Ranma flipped like a cat and came down lightly on her hands, then bounced up, twirled and twisted, and landed facing Mu Tzu. Mu Tzu, not as adept in midair maneuvers, managed a stable landing, but not nearly one of the grace or ease of Ranma's, and he was forced to wrench himself around to face the girl before Ranma had a chance to take advantage of his turned back._

                Ku Lon smiled at herself. This was a quite even match at the moment. Mu Tzu was now fully aware that when it came to completely aerial exchanges Ranma would hold the advantage. However, Mu Tzu had the dual advantages of strength and reach for the moment, enhanced by his weapons. Unless and until Mu Tzu made a mistake, Ranma would have to play defensive.

                Mu Tzu smirked slightly. "If you wish any chance at victory," he declared – then charged forwards and swept a foot upwards in a rising front-kick, "…shed this disguise and fight _man-to-man!"_

                Ranma dropped backwards and tumbled to the side, coming up to her feet again easily. There was a slicing noise, and the bottom hem of the front panel of the dress fluttered away, cleanly cut off although Mu Tzu had not seemed to get anywhere close. Ranma's eyes narrowed, and Ku Lon could almost hear her mind shift from 'entertained' to 'serious'. The jokes and tricks were gone – it was time to _fight._

                Mu Tzu didn't give her a chance to attack, though; he charged in, snapping off a combination of high kicks which Ranma leapt into the air to avoid. Mu Tzu was already lunging again when Ranma came down for a landing. Somehow, the girl went airborne again, but her haste added a spin to her leap and Mu Tzu's foot was coming for her face.

                _Clap!_

                Ranma came down for a landing and took Mu Tzu's shoe with her, at a safe distance from the other fighter.

                "What th' heck is _this?" she demanded, flinging the slipper out so all could see the needle protruding from the toe._

                Xian Pu _tsked; Akane's objection was slightly more strident. "__Mousse!" She slammed her fists on the arena edge. "What happened to fighting 'with bodies alone'?!"_

                Mu Tzu smiled smugly. "Who do you think I am?" he asked. "I am Mu Tzu, master of concealed weapons! My weapons… _are my body!"_

                Something whistled through the air; only highly-trained reflexes and a great deal of experience allowed Ku Lon to identify the item as a fishing hook and twine which Mu Tzu apparently had hidden in his hair.

                Ranma dodged the hook and caught the twine, yanking viciously and pulling Mu Tzu off-balance with surprise. "Hah! Anybody who needs t' add on t' what they already got…" She lunged. "…isn't a _real fighter!"_

                Mu Tzu turned away, raising one arm high over his head and holding it flat at a strange angle. Power seemed to gather around him.

                "_THE BLOW OF THE OSTRICH LEG!" he roared, suddenly snapping a leg upwards until his two legs formed a perfectly straight line perpendicular to the ground, as an image of the posing bird seemed to form around him._

                "Whoa!" Ranma yelped, twisting in midair to evade. Then… "_An opening!" she shouted, wrenching herself around to__ slam her foot into the side of Mu Tzu's face. The only available angle was poor and so she could not put her full strength behind the kick. On the other hand, the end result wasn't much better for the boy… she'd kicked his glasses off._

                Everyone was on the edge of their seats how with excitement and anticipation.

                "His glasses!"

                "He'll be blind!"

                "Ranma's got it wrapped!"

                "Not quite!" Mu Tzu declared, flinging something at Ranma that exploded with a loud _POOMF!_

                The crowd began shouting and scattering as the acrid cloud began to spead. Everyone who breathed the fumes broke into hacking coughs and rubbed furiously at their eyes. "Tear gas!" someone shouted as they ran for safety. The fight wasn't fun anymore.

                Xian Pu grabbed a dropped fan and began hastily wafting the cloud away from them. Ku Lon's eyes narrowed. '_A clever tactic… and a very, very bad choice as well.__ Clearly when this is over I will need to drill the concept of 'innocent bystander__' into that boy's head.'_

                Somewhere inside the cloud, Mu Tzu was laughing. "Now we're even!" he crowed.

                "Y' little…" Ranma snarled between coughs. The gas was dissipating now, and Ku Lon could make out Ranma, crouched in a defensive position in the center of the ring.

                A shout turned everyone's eyes upward. "_RANMA, PREPARE TO DIE!"_

                And down Mu Tzu came, shoes adorned with three razor-sharp claws each on each foot, arms outflung, fingers pointed downward like talons. And about him menace gathered like an intent bird of prey, silhouetted against the sky as clouds gathered and thunder rolled in counterpoint to cries of shock from the audience and Akane's dismayed "_Ranma!"_

                "_THE HAWK'S TALON!"_

                And Ranma… _fehed. Then she flipped forwards and shot upwards in a handspring, kicking her slippers off._

                "The _SHISH-KEBOB!" she shouted._

                The Hawk's Talon had one very big weakness. It was a devastating finishing move… but it left Mu Tzu's center wide open. Ranma's legs might be shorter as a female – but they were more than long enough to go through that opening and catch hold of Mu Tzu's head. Perhaps most impressive of all, the shock of the clash manifested around them as… a shish-kebob, with Ranma as the stick and the completely derailed Mu Tzu as the meat.

                Ranma flipped upward, using Mu Tzu's chest as a pivot point, before anyone really registered that the two had been locked momentarily in a pose that, had the situation been anything other than… well, what the situation was, their parents would probably have ordered them to get married that minute. She slapped Mu Tzu's glasses back onto his face. "Here y'go. It's no fun if ya can't see."

                If looks could kill, rivalry would be a lost art. "Ranma, I will kill you!"

                Mu Tzu didn't even seem to notice that they'd landed. Ranma didn't give him a second chance. "_Then look at this__!" she shouted, landing a spin kick squarely on his chin._

                The first blow Ranma had landed earlier had been at a bad angle, more a distracting move than an attack. This was not. Mu Tzu went flying and crashed to the floor of the square like a disjointed marionette with its strings cut, out for the count… and probably the rest of the hour while he was at it.

                Akane and Xian Pu both cheered – then promptly noticed each other and locked themselves in a stare-down contest. Ku Lon smiled and hopped back onto her staff, boinging over to the arena.

                "Congratulations," she told Ranma with a broad grin. "Very well done… and allow me to compliment you on your style regarding your… condition."

                "Yep. Lookin' good, Saotome," Nabiki drawled, strolling forward and just _coincidentally walking between Xian Pu and Akane, ending the little glare-off. "Now where did you get such a cute dress, I wonder…?"_

                "Ah, borrowed it offa Ku Lon," Ranma said flippantly, waving her hand. Then she paused, apparently noticing for the first time the sliced skirt and the numerous other scuffs, rips and cuts left over from the battle. "Ummm…" She scratched the base of her pigtail. "It's kinda… ummm… ripped up. Sorry 'bout that…"

                Ku Lon eyed the dress. Hmmm… the cuts weren't that bad… in fact, they were pleasingly symmetrical, and the angled cut of the front hem was actually rather stylish… Xian Pu wasn't half bad with a needle – it was a useful hobby when one was a martial artist and often left a battle with damaged clothing. Xian Pu also possessed a unique talent for taking damaged clothing and turning what was once an unsightly tear or cut and making it into something radically striking… She'd have to keep that in mind.

                "Don't worry; simply return it and as many other pieces as you can when you have the opportunity," she said with a smile. "Xian Pu bought it without trying it on, the silly girl; it's rather small on her. But I dare say it at least fits you."

                "Heh." Ranma flicked her pigtail over her shoulder. "Th' look on his face was worth it." She glanced up as thunder rolled again and the first few droplets of rain began to spatter down. "Erk. I'm outta here!"

                "Good idea," Ku Lon murmured. "Xian Pu…" She sighed.

                "_Mwoar__?"_

                "Nevermind. Wake up Mu Tzu, if you please." Ku Lon pulled an umbrella out and spread it above herself, then quickly bundled up Xian Pu's dropped clothing and tucked it into the empty vendor-box.

                Mu Tzu was _not happy._

                "/It was a duel! You know that my techniques…!\"

                _Whack. And not one of the playful, chiding whaps she normally dished out as a matter of course. This was a serious matter, and Ku Lon was treating it as such. "/Mu Tzu, you are perfectly aware that there are limitations placed on techniques which are considered permissible in a battle with bystanders. In another situation, yes, I would have applauded your quick thinking with the tear gas, and I am not punishing you for using them against Ranma. And address me as Elder!\"_

                "/Then what's this all about?\" Mu Tzu demanded.

                Ku Lon fixed him with a withering stare that got him to shrink back, bad eyes or no. "/_This, as you so eloquently put it, is 'all about' using an area-effect weapon in a careless manner which endangered non-combatant bystanders. Had this duel been fought in the village, you would have immediately been judged dishonorable and therefore Ranma would have won by default, even had she not soundly defeated you.\"_

                Mu Tzu gaped at her, and even Xian Pu blinked. "Aiyah!" the girl exclaimed. She regularly accompanied Ku Lon in these lesser judgments – the ones which did not require discretion, nor were serious enough to warrant a convening of the Elders. "/I was unaware of that law, Grea… Matriarch.\" In these formal settings, the familial form of address was not permitted.

                "/I've never heard of such a thing in my life!\" Mu Tzu said fiercely, clearly unhappy.

                Ku Lon sighed. "/Yes, you have,\" she said sternly, "/although the actual law has not been needed for some time. I will not burden you with the complete history, but in the time before the law, wars could begin because a careless fighter harmed or even killed a bystander watching a formal duel. There was even a time when less honorable warriors would intentionally maneuver an opponent so that someone important to them was behind them, and then let loose a barrage of thrown weapons, knowing that their opponent would either be aware of the risk and therefore be unable to dodge the weapons, or dodge and then be distracted by the danger to their dear one.\"

                Comprehension dawned in the children's faces, as well as shame in Mu Tzu's; they had heard stories about some of the dishonorable curs who used such tactics. The boy was not a bad sort, though he was obsessed and tended to consider himself above the law at times. He honestly did not mean to harm anyone. However, occasionally he would set his own rules aside if it was convenient for him.

                "/Which leads me to your second wrong, Mu Tzu,\" Ku Lon said sternly. "/It is our way to challenge obstacles and overcome them. We do not involve others!\"

                "/What… Oh, his woman. As if…\"

                Ku Lon interrupted. "/You disappoint me, Mu Tzu. I thought you knew our ways better than this. The girl's name is Tendou Akane; we do not refer to _anyone as an object or a possession. Nor do we treat them as such! She is not 'Ranma's woman,' she is a person in her own right and by the standards of the locals here she is a strong warrior.\" Ku Lon ignored Xian Pu's prideful sniff. Her heir had a habit of disparaging the abilities of anyone who rivaled her – rather ironically, it was a trait which the Tendou girl shared. "/Your quarrel, as it stood, was with Ranma alone. You had no right to involve any other than he.\"_

                "/But Xian Pu has fought her!\" Mu Tzu objected.

                "/Naturally,\" Ku Lon said dryly. "/Akane _is her rival for Ranma's hand, after all. But she has remained within her appropriate limits. Xian Pu does not draw Akane's sisters or father into their rivalry; she is aware that her conflict is with Akane, and Akane alone.\"_

                Xian Pu straightened a little with pride; Ku Lon caught the movement in the corner of her eye. While Ku Lon's statement might have sounded brisk, there was an underlying compliment there. In a way, Ku Lon was congratulating Xian Pu for the way she handled herself in relation to Akane – and simultaneously warning Xian Pu not to let herself starting thinking of the girl as simply an obstacle to be crushed.

                Mu Tzu sighed and hung his head, apparently accepting that this was an argument which he could not win. "/What would you have me do as atonement, Elder?\" he asked.

                Ku Lon studied him carefully. "/Your errors were these: carelessly endangering non-combatants, intentionally involving a non-contending companion of your opponent, and disparaging the name and personhood of that same companion.\" Ku Lon hopped over to a cushion and sat, thinking.

                Finally, she said, "/Your atonement shall be thus. Come tomorrow, you will wait outside of Furinkan High School. During the afternoon break, you are to make a formal, public apology to all who were affected by the tear gas. Following this, you are to formally and publicly apologize to Tendou Akane for setting her as a prize without her consent, speaking of her as a non-person and involving her in a personal conflict.

                "/Finally, you will formally acknowledge Ranma's victory over you today, to Ranma, in person, and once again, publicly.\"

                Mu Tzu fumed – she could actually see storm clouds gathering over his head. "/You would have me humiliate myself in front of all these outsiders?\"

                "/Perhaps a taste of humility would do you some good,\" Xian Pu said coolly, and Ku Lon inwardly smiled. There were times when Xian Pu's apparently juvenile behavior broke and she truly came through as the Amazon woman she was becoming. With Xian Pu's words chiding him, Mu Tzu would carry out his sentence to the letter.

                Ku Lon steepled her fingers. "/There is another matter that must be attended to. Your final atonement, Mu Tzu, is to speak in private with Ranma and hear his – or her, if you care – side of Xian Pu's defeat. You are to hear Ranma out, and I expect you to give me a full explanation of what Ranma thinks of this situation. Perhaps this will convince you to hear someone out before you attack them.

                "/When these tasks are completed, you are to return to the village. You are dismissed.\"

                Mu Tzu turned on his heel and stalked out. Xian Pu looked at Ku Lon. "/What…\" She caught herself before Ku Lon could chide her. "Xian Pu leave too, Great-Grandmother?"

                Ku Lon shook her head and stretched a bit. "No need, child. Come – we will be opening the restaurant soon, and at least half of the furniture is still packed."

                Once Xian Pu was properly in bed, Ku Lon retired to her room. No longer under the pressure of inspiring an imposing and dignified presence, she flopped on her bed, rolled over on her tummy, kicked her feet in the air, and started shuffling through a blank-covered hardback book labeled on the title page, clearly and neatly in Chinese: "Basic Training Guide to Ancient Amazon Secret Techniques: Twenty-Second Edition." Instead of a dedication, the next page said clearly: "_Warning. The contained techniques can be hazardous to one's health. Do not even dream__ of touching them without skillful guidance – preferably by an Elder, because that's the only way you'd be able to use them without being hunted down and married and/or killed anyway."_

                Ku Lon smirked. Genma, Happosai and all their ilk were idiots. What sort of idiot kept arcane martial arts secrets on moldy old scrolls that threatened to crumble at the slightest touch with handwriting so bad it was painful to even _look at in this modern day and age? Not to mention the allergic reactions they courted. No, the Elders had some time ago transferred their collected knowledge into books, with blank pages in the back for recording other techniques, and periodically they would bring their copies together and select techniques worthy of including in the next edition._

                The scrolls kept under lock and key were actually excerpts from Sun Tzu's "The Art of War," liberally spiced with "1,111 World's Worst Jokes" and various bits of fortune-cookie wisdom. After all, anyone who devoted the time, skill, effort and resources to stealing the scrolls and translating the archaic Mandarin and illegible handwriting deserved some reward for their efforts. The real manuals – the books – were handed out at each printing to the Elders, who tucked them away in safe places. Ku Lon only knew a few; one Elder fond of reminiscing mixed hers in with her old photo albums that everyone had memorized by the time they were seven and hoped never to see again. Another kept hers with her collection of cheap, corny romance novels that no one with any ounce of respect, even a panty-thief, would dare touch with a ten-meter pole. Another kept hers with the recipe books for her infamous concoctions such as brussel-sprout-and-prune cough syrup ("The worse it tastes, the faster they'll get better!").

                Ku Lon personally kept hers tucked on her little personal bookshelf next to her "World's Craziest Crosswords Compilation" (the 3-D ones were killer) and rather impressive collection of manga. Hey, a girl's gotta have her hobbies, even a girl two hundred years old.

                Ku Lon began flipping through the book, humming to herself as she contemplated the various techniques described within. Some were no more than simple physical training – the Amiguriken for speed, the Bakusai Tenketsu for endurance – while others were based on the use and understanding of ki. She already knew a few that Ranma _would learn – but there were many, many others, and how was she to choose?_

                Not all Ancient Amazon Secret Techniques were devastating attacks or awe-inspiring physical training. Some were just plain silly tricks that various Amazons had employed over the years against various opponents on whom normal tactics just didn't work. (Although some _were, in their own way, devastating. Using something like the Attack of the Chocolate Cupcakes against an opponent who happened to be dieting was just brutal.)_

                But for every ridiculous or unlikely technique, there would come a situation where it could be the best solution – or perhaps even the _only solution._

                Ku Lon flipped through the book again. She wasn't really looking for anything in particular – just scanning for techniques that might appeal to Ranma and making a mental note if she thought one would be suited to some of the other high potentials in the area. 'Secret' techniques was, after all, something of an overstatement. A convenient one, but as a Matriarch, she did have the authority to distribute them as she desired.

                Hmmm… Attack of the Thousand Fingers? Oh, a tickle-assault. Hmmm… might be amusing. The original purpose was a just-for-fun trick to play on your sparring partner or to exhaust small children so that they would go to bed without a fuss, but it could easily be adapted to shiatsu… after all, it already incorporated the Ticklish Point. '_Hmmm… Maybe, but not yet. The boy has enough fiancée problems without putting his hands all over someone.'_

                The boy's strengths were many. Perhaps, instead of searching for techniques to enhance them, she should begin looking for ways of improving the parts of his training that had been neglected. Once she had a direction, she could begin laying a foundation as she prepared Ranma for the Amiguriken.

                Humming cheerfully to herself, Ku Lon flipped to the meditation section and began browsing.

(_A.N.__ I'm sorry this took so long to come out. My tone became more serious as the fight went on, and finally I realized that if I didn't want to write myself into a pit I had better start working on some silly scenes as well. Ranma 1/2 is__ a comedy first and foremost, after all._

_                I'm currently standing at a fork in the road regarding this story, however. So far, I have remained fairly close to the canon Ranma plotline. However, as time goes on, the changes are getting bigger and bigger. So now I raise a question: do I try to stay close to the original, or do I start branching off in new directions? If I do, then I'm going to have to sit back for a while and take a look at this. As I mentioned earlier, as of yet it's unfortunately a bit lacking in self-contained plot._

_                Regarding Ranma's fighting outfit; if Ranma could wear an outfit like the canon one, then a Chinese dress isn't such a big stretch. He was doing it for tactical advantage and shock-effect, after all, and given as he spent some time discussing Amazons with Ku Lon during the training, he was exposed to plenty of brainstorm material._

_                By the way – I'm still open for any suggestions regarding techniques (silly or serious)._

_                And don't forget – the more reviews I get, the more likely it is that I will give this story priority. Read and review!)_


	6. SENSEI Chapter Five

STICKS AND CARROTS

Part One: Sensei

Chapter Five

                Ku Lon worked the cash register with a feeling of growing contentment. The Nekohanten was proving to be a profitable venture on its own merit – profitable enough that she was beginning to regret sending Mu Tzu away and thereby depriving herself of the extra pair of hands. The attractions of a very cute waitress, a hint of the exotic in the décor and (as word from early customers began to spread) very good food were bringing in patrons by the drove. Sometimes they would even stay for a second dish, just in order to enjoy the show. Occasionally even Ku Lon had to assist in delivering orders – and what she lacked in the physical cuteness department she made up for in ingenuity and style. The gasps of amazement as the ramen and bowls and side dishes fell in separate arcs to land together before the customer in perfect arrangement were very flattering.

                Mu Tzu had been shipped home after completing his tasks. Ku Lon suspected that he would return, though – she vaguely remembered catching glimpses of him in the Crystal. Unfortunately the Crystal was a capricious and contrary artifact, and had only given her some disjointed images. The farther into the future one went, the more vague the visions would become; the very act of looking had ramifications which influenced the Crystal's oracular abilities. In the end, Ku Lon knew nothing more about what _would_ happen than the bug-eyed student currently paying for a beef ramen. What she did have were vague directions that might or might not be accurate.

                Oh well. Knowing the future perfectly would take the fun out of living, anyway.

                Regardless, she hoped that, if and when the boy did return, he would at the least be more tolerant of Ranma and his mistakes. She did not want Ranma to associate her with someone inclined to attack for no apparent reason.

                Ku Lon glanced up at the clock. Good; school would be closing for the day soon. "Xian Pu!" she called, hopping back into the kitchen and letting one of the temporary helpers handle the orders for a moment.

                "Yes, Great-Grandmother?" Xian Pu followed her.

                Ku Lon showed her a small case strung on a chain; the label read clearly '_Phoenix Pill_'. "This just arrived today," she said with a smile.

                "Phoenix? Symbol of fire? Great-Grandmother, what that for? Why make pill from make-believe symbol?"

                "Heat-resistance, child." Ku Lon looked at her, waiting for Xian Pu to make the connection.

                "Heat-resistance? Why… Oh!" Xian Pu smiled sunnily. "Is gift to Airen, no? Xian Pu give to him!"

                The girl reached for it, but Ku Lon withheld the case. "Not a _gift_, Xian Pu. If I wished to simply _give_ him freedom from the Cat's Tongue point, I would simply reverse the shiatsu, and I have already made it clear that doing so is not part of my plans."

                Xian Pu scowled prettily. She had been _very_ unhappy when Ku Lon had announced that decision. Female-Ranma was pretty and vibrant, but Xian Pu wanted that lean, handsome boy back to ogle and glomp. Xian Pu was not particularly comfortable with clinging to another girl, even if only in body, that way.

                What she didn't know was that Ku Lon was in fact trying to discourage glomps. Ranma was much more likely to become comfortable around the Amazons if he did not have to constantly be guarding his virtue. Besides, having Ranma be constantly on guard against Xian Pu meant that he would also be perpetually distracted from training, and _that_ wouldn't do at all.

                "No, Xian Pu," Ku Lon said, "I want Ranma to earn this pill himself. Please go and tell him that if he is willing to negotiate, I will be here."

                "Xian Pu can see Airen now? Is too too good!" The girl vanished, leaving a smoking track in her wake.

                Ku Lon smiled, then hopped back out to the cash register. It would not do to be cheated, after all. After a few moments, though, she blinked as a thought that had been teasing the back of her mind finally coalesced. '_Hmmm… Does Xian Pu know about the Neko-ken? I don't think she does… this could be a problem. If she hasn't realized the effect her cursed form has on him, she could scare him very badly._' Ku Lon briefly considered going after Xian Pu and telling her, but the girl was probably already at the high school anyway. Besides, what were the chances of the girl getting doused with cold water in the short distance between the Nekohanten and the high school on a clear, beautiful sunny day like today, anyway?

                "_YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!"_

                Ku Lon winced. '_Over two hundred years old, and I still haven't learned: _never_ tempt Murphy's Law._'

                Ranma kicked the door of the Nekohanten open and strode straight for Ku Lon, who was still at the cash register. Every inch of the girl's body was almost audibly humming with righteous determination. "What's this about a cure for your stupid Cat's Tongue?"

                Ku Lon looked up and smiled. "Ah! Hello, child. I see Xian Pu found you."

                "In the middle'a th' freakin' swimming pool," Ranma groused.

                Ku Lon smacked herself lightly on the forehead. "Well, she can be a little enthusiastic," the Matriarch said.

                "Ya haven't answered my question yet! What's this about a cure?" Even as she spoke, Ranma's eyes locked on the case which Ku Lon was now wearing around her neck on a chain like a pendant. Her hands twitched, but to Ku Lon's surprise and satisfaction, the girl did not immediately lunge to grab it. Apparently Ranma respected her as an opponent, at least, enough to know that the quick and easy method would not be effective.

                Ku Lon pretended to think deeply. "Nothing's free, child," she reminded Ranma.

                "Hmph. Nothin' but trouble, y'mean. Trouble don't mind bein' spread fer free."

                Ku Lon chuckled. "Very true. However, the Phoenix Pill is very difficult to make, and it has so many uses… what makes you think I would just give it to you?"

                "Well, whaddaya want, then?" Ranma asked warily.

                Ku Lon rang up another order. "If you want it… you have to earn it. Prove to me you're good enough to get it yourself."

                Ranma arched an eyebrow, her eyes now locked on Ku Lon's face. Then one of her hands darted for the case. The move was sudden, quick and perfectly executed; if Ku Lon had not known it was coming – in fact, been goading Ranma into making the snatch – the girl-boy might even have pulled it off. Someone had clearly drilled several tricks of thievery into Ranma at some point. Not surprising; many of those same tricks were also useful in martial arts, especially in the Anything Goes style.

                As it was, though, the Amazon Matriarch easily countered the grab, flipped her staff up, and with a perfect blend of force re-direction, leverage and precision, sent Ranma flying back through the door and out into the street, tailed by a gentle chiding of, "Mind your manners."

                "Ranma!" she heard a girl exclaim in concern – Tendou Akane again, perhaps? But Ranma was fine. In fact, the petite girl came blazing back in, primed for a fight.

                Well, Ku Lon certainly appreciated the sparring but, she reflected, it certainly wouldn't do to wreck the restaurant on the third day it was open for business. So she met Ranma at the entrance this time. They exchanged a blur of blows that ended with Ranma once again flying out.

                The scuffle hadn't gone unnoticed by the crowd, but interestingly none of them seemed particularly disturbed.

                "Wow, that old granny really knows her stuff."

                "What's the chick so steamed about, anyway?"

                "Who cares? She's hot!"

                "Bite your tongue."

                "Oh, like you weren't drooling yourself."

                "I meant it, I go to school with her. She's really a guy."

                "Yeah, yeah, pull the other one."

                "I'm serious!"

                Outside, Xian Pu was also talking. "Why try, Airen? You no can beat Great-Grandmother."

                "Hey!" There was a sound of ripping paper, and Ku Lon smiled. Ah, just as she'd hoped.

                Ranma came inside again, but this time she stopped at the door and grinned, holding the 'Help Wanted' notice. "Hey, ghoul…"

                Ku Lon lightly bonked her on the head. "Manners."

                "Yeah, yeah, whatever. You lookin' fer a waitress…?"

                If Ku Lon had thought the Nekohanten was packed before, now it was worse than a can of sardines or a unch of small children at a candy sale. Rumors of the cute new waitress had spread like wildfire, especially among the male high-school population. And even though most of the boys knew it was Ranma (who had been forced to fess up to his curse when he'd arrived at school)… well, he was a girl right now, so it was okay, right? It wasn't like they were trying to _date Ranma or anything. (Ku Lon heard several comments to the effect of "don't want to end up like that Mikado twerp" that presumably referred to some opponent Ranma had encountered before.)_

                Hormones were hormones, after all, whether or not the object of the lust was a _legitimate target._

                As for the rest, they were drawn in by the floor show. Amazon training and Anything Goes had two things in common: they were devastatingly effective when done correctly, and they involved making _everything into training._

                "Teishi! Take this ramen!" Ku Lon placed a bowl on the kitchen counter.

                "Hai!" Ranma chirped – yes, chirped.

                '_That boy may hate being a girl, but he makes a very convincing she__ when necessity strikes.' It helped that Ranma had been gifted with another one of Xian Pu's pantsuits. Originally they were going to give her the pale violet outfit with the bell pattern, but after Ranma's strident objections and a careful mental recalculation, Ku Lon had agreed. The outfit was simply too cutesy. So now Ranma wore an outfit of scarlet, embroidered with golden and black phoenixes with some blue here and there for variety. The colors were striking, but the cut of the outfit, handily retailored to fit Ranma, kept it looking cute, rather than sexy (and the apron helped, too). Ku Lon was rather grateful for that small favor. She didn't need her waitress maiming her customers, after all. Cuteness implied a level of innocence which protected her waitresses from most undisciplined hormonal boys._

                Ranma put down the orders and jumped over to the tables, flipping somersaults in midair before coming down to a light landing next to the counter, to the delight of the audience. She reached for the ramen dish.

                The next few seconds were basically invisible to the audience. Ranma tried to snake a hand to the Pill as she lifted the ramen. Ku Lon blocked the attempt and countered; Ranma released the bowl to defend. The bowl never got a chance to drop back to the counter.

                "Wow, check it out!"

                "That bowl's floating!"

                Floating? Not exactly. Just held aloft by a flurry of blows too fast for even most trained eyes to see.

                "Five more piping-hot ramen!" a cook said with a grin. The assistance staff enjoyed the floor show easily as much as the customers. Maybe even more so, because they helped orchestrate them.

                And for Ranma's efforts, she ended up carrying _six bowls of ramen: two per arm, one on her head, and one balanced on a pair of chopsticks sticking out from between her clenched teeth. To Ranma's credit, she handled the situation with style. Whenever she reached one of the tables she carried an order for she would toss all of them up, get the first one put in the appropriate place and maneuver herself to catch the remainder – all without spilling a drop._

                The applause was most gratifying.

                Xian Pu pouted. Ranma was getting all the attention _and all the hard challenges. Granted, she herself wasn't up to the toss-em-and-serve-em trick yet, but she would have liked to get some of the fun, too…_

                "Xian Pu!"

                The Amazon girl yelped and dove for the order that was flying through the air.

                Let it be a lesson: Murphy's law will always find some way to get you.

                "Customers too too nice, but Nekohanten closing now! Come back tomorrow!"

                While Xian Pu was shooing the last lingerers from the restaurant, Ku Lon dismissed the cooks for the evening and Ranma hurried about cleaning up. There had been one or two little spills when the waitresses had gotten a little ambitious with their stunts, but nothing serious. But customers were not so careful, especially when distracted by the ongoing entertainment, and Ku Lon suspected that at least a few of the worst spills had been intentional, as attempts to bait the girls into coming within glomping range.

                Ranma was a flurry of activity, wielding broom, mop and bucket as though every single spill and speck was a personal offense. Ku Lon hid a smile; if Ranma kept up her rate of activity, then it might not be long before scraps and spills wouldn't even touch the floor for fear of inciting the martial artist's wrath. And when Xian Pu joined the fray?

                All those little bits of stain and spill went bai-bai almost faster than one could blink.

                When the restaurant was all closed up and clean, Ranma put her cleaning rags away with a gusty sigh of relief. "Finally!" she grumbled, rubbing her stomach. "I can't wait t' get back t' the Tendou's, I'm starvin'!"

                Ku Lon smiled with a touch of sympathy. She'd heard Ranma's stomach pleading softly for food for the past hour, and Xian Pu wasn't that far behind either. In Ku Lon's opinion, there was no greater test of discipline (or cruelty, if you looked at it from another angle) than being hungry and forced to carry plates of excellent food filling your nose with their wonderful, tempting aromas while _knowing_ that you couldn't even touch them. Especially when you were an extremely active and growing teenager.

                Well, she had a cure for that.

                "Stay and eat with us, teishi," Ku Lon said, opening the door which led to the living areas of the restaurant. Xian Pu hurried through and rushed to the small table adorned only with three large bowls of steaming ramen. "I know better than to make my waitresses work such long hours without offering rewards."

                Ranma licked her lips unconsciously, wavering. Ku Lon could almost hear the mental calculations being made. '_Staying here = confirmed large quantity of good food + a chance to rest + possible opportunities to get the Phoenix pill, – Akane will be very angry that she hasn't come home and – Xian Pu might try to seduce her. Go home = potential good food + no question of innocence – might annoy Sensei – might miss a chance at Pill – might miss a chance at training – her father may have eaten her portion of food already_.' Ku Lon decided that it wouldn't hurt to tip the scales in her favor a little more. "I have something I want to show you which might assist in your training."

                That did it; the 'staying here' equation got _opportunity for more training_ added to the positive side. "Okay," Ranma said with a little smile. "Ummm… thanks."

                All three were quite hungry, and the effort of resisting the temptation of all that wonderful food passing under their noses made this little repast even more delicious. They ate quickly and in silence. Ku Lon had put a little extra effort into the meal, paying careful attention to which dishes Ranma had seemed the most interested in. The little semi-bribery paid off; although she periodically had to order Ranma to slow down (the girl seemed to be expecting someone to swoop down and try to carry her well-earned reward away, and given the panda-man's girth Ku Lon had a pretty good idea who), the Japanese martial artist began to relax slightly. It helped that Xian Pu still couldn't quite get the nerve to drape herself all over another girl.

                Ku Lon kept a careful eye on Ranma's bowl. When there was not much left but broth, the Matriarch commented, "By the way, I've been thinking about a dessert recipe recently that I'd like to test. If it's good enough then we'll add it to the menu, but I need to make a judgment first."

                And eager light came into Xian Pu's eyes. "/A treat, Great-Grandmother? Really?\" The girl blushed as Ku Lon gave her a look and repeated her statement in Japanese, adding, "That would be too too nice! Thank you!"

                Ku Lon chortled. "Don't thank me until _after you've helped me in preparing it." She paused just long enough for Ranma to begin eating again (the girl had frozen for a moment at the mention of dessert) and added, "If you would stay, teishi, I would like your opinion of the recipe as well. And I have something else that I would like you to look at."_

                Ranma might be a disciplined warrior, but she was still a child. Sweets and treats were excellent bribes. "Sure! Whatcha got?"

                Ku Lon got up. "Xian Pu, the dishes, if you would," she said, before hopping up the stairs on her staff.

                In her room, she paused just long enough to pull one of her recipe books off the shelf and flip through several pages with bits of string or scraps of paper serving as bookmarks. Most of them marked recipes she'd always wanted to take a crack at but had never had the supplies or a large enough number of people to feed to make them worthwhile. This restaurant might finally give her a chance to indulge a little.

                After picking the recipe (chien doi, which were essentially Chinese doughnuts, although this recipe had several pleasant surprises added), Ku Lon grabbed a book that lay innocently on her futon, surrounded by the shreds of shipping paper. Getting this Japanese translation of the book had been _hard, and she was simply glad that she'd made the order basically the day that Xian Pu left to pursue Ranma for the second time. Ku Lon made a mental note to start teaching the boy Chinese, and to start investigating Japanese manuals._

                The matriarch descended the stairs quickly, although she avoided the appearance of hurrying. She found Ranma carefully avoiding the kitchen, where Xian Pu was washing the dishes. Ku Lon considered it to be a wise precaution, both to avoid being splashed by warm water and to be out of the immediate vicinity in case Xian Pu caught a splash of _cold water. Ku Lon handed the book to her._

                Ranma groaned. "Ah, come on, what sorta stuff can a book teach me?"

                Ku Lon hit the girl's head with her staff again. "A book can teach many things, if the student is at all willing to learn them!" she said sharply. "I will not have a simpleton who neglects the value of information as a student!"

                Ranma glared, but the tactic worked. Rubbing her head sullenly, Ranma reluctantly bent over the book and opened it.

                Ku Lon moved into the kitchen, but kept Ranma in sight as she began pulling out ingredients and directing Xian Pu in mixing and preparing them. She'd chosen that particular work for two reasons. First, that deceptively slim book contained what was unanimously considered in the village to be the most accurate, _useful basics of ki, meditation and other esoteric branches of martial arts ever to be written. Secondly, the writer was __not a typical dry scholar. The book was actually quite engaging, and between the complex topic and good writing the reader quickly would become absorbed in it – even extremely active teenagers._

                Ku Lon smiled faintly as Ranma's face lost the look of sullen resentment and gained one of fascination.

                _Smack_.

                "Yow!" Ranma jumped, rubbing her shoulder and glaring at Ku Lon, who smiled innocently and picked up a new cork to replace the one she'd thrown at the girl. "What th' heck was _that_ for? I'm readin' yer stupid book, aren't I?"

                "Never train in only one thing when you can train in two with virtually the same exercise," Ku Lon said sagely. "You should have been able to block that without even thinking about it. Xian Pu, the sauce and the dough need to be made separately, or the dough won't cook correctly. You know better."

                "Xian Pu sorry, Great-Grandmother," Xian Pu said sheepishly, suddenly realizing that she'd picked up the wrong bowl while watching the exchange. Ku Lon saw Xian Pu offer a commiserating smile in the direction of Ranma, although the girl didn't see it, and smiled to herself. If she could get Xian Pu treating female-Ranma like a fellow promising young Amazon and possibly as a friend, then it would not be long before her attitude carried over to how she treated male-Ranma and perhaps she would stop trying to jump the gun regarding her marriage.

                And all promising young Amazons were united in their suffering of the trials and travails of being trained by a matriarch.

                Ranma bent over the book again, but this time she was only giving it half of her attention. The rest of her mind was focused on watching the Amazons again.

                "Teishi, do I have to quiz you about that book to make you read it properly?" Ku Lon threatened. The girl winced at the sharp tone and reluctantly turned her attention back to the book. Once again, as soon as she became completely absorbed in it Ku Lon threw something small and annoying at her.

                The pattern continued for a while, although Ku Lon never attacked exactly the same way twice. There was a method to Ku Lon's madness, of course; she was trying to develop Ranma's reactions. Fighters went through several levels of skill when it came to reacting to unexpected attacks. The first one was instinct, choosing a counter or block that was most appropriate to the incoming assault. The drawback of this level was that it was relatively slow; one had to detect the incoming attack, identify it and then instinct would counter. The second level, reflex, was much faster, but it only involved a few ingrained responses; an unusual attack would easily get past the defenses.

                By the time the doughnuts were ready to be eaten, Ku Lon was fighting off a sense of near-awe. She herself had been considered a prodigy as a child, but she had still been nearing the century mark when she had finally mastered the third and pinnacle stage of reaction, instinctual reflex. By blending reflex and instinct together, one became virtually immune to any surprise attacks, but the level of skill, dedication and training required to reach that stage were prohibitive.

                Ranma was well on her way to that stage, and Ku Lon could see her progressing even in the short span of the exercise. What was more, Ranma's powers of concentration had improved dramatically. By the end of the exercise, she was blocking attacks without raising her eyes from the book for more than a fraction of a second at most, and once or twice Ku Lon thought Ranma had blocked without even noticing that she'd been attacked. This was all very good. The concentration exercise would probably be helpful in school, but the main point of it was to provide an effective introduction to meditation without being blatantly obvious.

                Ku Lon was just pulling the chien doi out when someone banged heavily on the side door. "Ranma, what do you think you're doing?!"

                Xian Pu went to the door and opened it just enough to look coolly at the visitor. "What _pervert-girl_ think she doing?" she asked with the tone of someone dismissing a small child.

                "I'm taking Ranma home, that's what!" Akane shoved the door open and stepped in.

                Ku Lon frowned at her. "Child, it is rude to enter a home without invitation."

                Akane made a disdainful noise, but the presence of the elder seemed to take some of the wind out of her sails. "Did that ever stop Xian Pu from coming in without permission?"

                "No, and I have been having some words with her regarding that behavior. However, Xian Pu's breach of etiquette does not excuse your own."

                "Etiket, Great-Grandmother?" Xian Pu blinked at the unfamiliar word.

                "Etiquette," Ku Lon corrected. "/It is a word for 'code of conduct,' child. A more formal version of manners.\"

                "Oh! Thank you, Xian Pu understand now." Ku Lon's heir turned back to face the Tendou girl. "Besides, is no breach of etiquette. Xian Pu have every right to visit husband!"

                Ku Lon overheard Ranma grubling something under her breath that sounded like "doncha hafta _have_ a husband first?" as the girl got up and reluctantly closed the book. Ah well. It _was_ growing late, and the chien doi were finished.

                "Geez, relax, Akane!" Ranma said, coming into the girl's line of sight. "Th' ghoul (_whap_) just invited me t' stay for dinner, that's all."

                Akane glared at her. "You stupid jerk, why didn't you just come home to eat?"

                Ku Lon decided it was time to play peacemaker, particularly if she didn't want to receive a Ranma-shaped hole in her ceiling. "I asked him to stay for some extra training while we made dessert. My apologies, I should have called and told his father."

                Akane blinked. "Dessert? I didn't know they made dessert-ramen…"

                "Ah… chien doi, actually." Mentally Ku Lon blinked. Dessert-ramen? What a strange concept. Where had the girl gotten a crazy idea like that? Although… actually…

                As Ku Lon mentally juggled ingredients to determine if such a concoction was possible, Akane grabbed Ranma's hand. "Come on. Let's go."

                "Wait a moment." Picking up a takeout box, Ku Lon put half of the hot chien doi inside and handed it to the Tendou girl. "Here. It would be rude of me to keep the boy here and then send him off without getting a taste. I am sure your sisters would also appreciate a treat."

                "Ummm… thank you," the girl said uncertainly, apparently not sure what to do now that Ku Lon had forestalled the anticipated confrontation. "Come _on_, baka."

                "Just a sec, I gotta give this back…" Ranma offered the book to Ku Lon.

                The matriarch waved it away. "No, take it home and continue reading it, teishi." She smiled wryly. "I am sure that you could even ask your father to help continue the exercise, as well."

                "Heh, I don't even need ta ask. All I gotta do is start readin' in his sight an' he'll go off like a volcano."

                "Why does that not surprise me?" Ku Lon asked rhetorically. It had always struck her as odd that a teacher as good as Saotome Genma would leave such a glaring weak point in his prize student; nevertheless, it was obvious that he had done so. "Good evening, teishi. Miss Tendou."

                Ranma and Akane left together, although they were barely through the door when the bickering began.

                "Why didn't you tell me you were staying over there for dinner?!"

                "I didn't know! What, don't tell me you were worried or nothin'."

                "Hmph! Of course I wasn't! I just don't trust a pervert like you around a bimbo like her!"

                At this point, they must have turned a corner or something, for Ku Lon could not make out what they were saying any longer. However, given the rapidly deteriorating nature of the conversation, it was no surprise at all when, a few moments later, there was a loud shout of "_BAKA!_" and the sound of a fist soundly connecting and sending _something_ – or someone – flying.

                Xian Pu scowled cutely as she nibbled on a doughnut. "Hmph. Pervert-girl too too violent for Airen."

                That reminded Ku Lon. "Pervert-girl?"

                "She no understand why Xian Pu tell Airen about Phoenix Pill. Xian Pu think she _want_ Ranma stay girl-type." Xian Pu sniffed haughtily.

                Ku Lon chuckled. "I think that it is more likely that she simply distrusts you. After all, you _are_ rivals."

                "Too too true. Xian Pu know that. If pervert-girl tell Airen she knew way make Mu Tzu take back challenge two days ago, Xian Pu no trust her either. But pervert-girl fun to tease." Xian Pu grinned.

                Ku Lon sighed and dramatically pressed a hand against her forehead. "Teenagers."

                Picking up a doughnut for herself (even two-hundred-year-old Amazon matriarchs have a sweet tooth), Ku Lon began mentally reviewing what she had seen of Ranma and Akane thus far, particularly their relationship. Although she had no intention of pushing Xian Pu forward to the exclusion of all else, there was no harm in giving the girl a little assistance – right?

                '_She has some stiff competition in that Akane girl,_' Ku Lon had to concede. '_Whatever else may be true, he definitely cares about her. Odd. It has not been so very long since Ranma came through our village. They cannot have known each other for long; certainly not long enough for a relationship to fully form. And they are always fighting, often seriously_.'

                After thinking about the matter for a while, Ku Lon thought she had a possible explanation. '_I think – I am not _certain_, but I believe – that they have done through either coincidence or pressure what my daughter has been attempting to do; they have moved straight into the awkwardness of romance without any of the intermediate stages. They are fiancées and emotionally attached to each other, but there is no foundation of friendship built beneath them._'

                Interesting. So long as Xian Pu pressured Ranma into being her 'Airen', Akane would have the advantage. Akane already had a working relationship, however rocky, with the boy. If, on the other hand, a girl came who was as interested in a friend as she was in a boyfriend – if not more so – then Akane would have a very rough time indeed maintaining her advantage, and Xian Pu would probably be left in the dust, unless she changed her strategy.

                The boy's affection, if perhaps not yet genuine love, for the Tendou girl was very strong, but unstable. Therefore, it could be undermined or supplanted gradually by another person willing to put in the time and effort to build a strong foundation first rather than leaping straight into the romance stage. Perhaps that was why the girl kept such close tabs on her fiancé. An innocent friendship might blossom into something more profound – and more threatening.

                Of course, Akane could always attempt to backtrack and establish that foundation of friendship herself, but Ku Lon did not think that she would be willing to do so. First of all, it would require that Akane accept that her current relationship needed to be corrected, which would probably run counter to her pride. Second, the outside pressures of their fathers would not permit the amount of distance required.

                There was also an element of risk involved in establishing a friendship. Friendships could lead to many results, of which romance was only one. Thus, the odds of someone genuinely becoming friends with the boy with the intention of developing a romance were slim.

                Ku Lon sighed and rubbed her head. '_Honestly. Playing match-maker, at my age!… What fun!_'

                That day set a pattern. Ranma would go to school, and immediately afterwards come to the Nekohanten and work. Ku Lon paid a very meager wage, but the concept of having an income at all was already a novel idea for Ranma.

                Besides, the training more than paid off. Xian Pu and Ranma even began unofficially competing for who could deliver the orders with the most style or the most outlandish flair, and the competition only helped Ranma improve. Xian Pu would deliver an order by leaping over the intervening tables; Ranma would one-up the girl and leap _over_ the table in question, delivering the orders with perfect precision whilst upside down in midair. Xian Pu would spin a saucer on its edge as she set the dishes out; Ranma would spin hers like a top and let it spin its way straight to the astonished customer. Then Xian Pu would toss a saucer like discus, and Ranma, not to be defeated, would throw hers like a Frisbee and let it arc through the air in a graceful curve. Xian Pu would swish to a table carrying the platters balanced delicately on her fingertips; Ranma would move through the restaurant doing a dance or kata, balancing chopsticks on her fingers and balancing the orders on the chopsticks. Then sometimes the two would work together; jaws always dropped when the two cute girls began sparring as they danced between the tables, except that rather than trading blows, they were trading entrées.

                It all made Ku Lon very, _very_ glad that she had had the foresight to invest in Amazon-made dishware known for its resistance to impacts.

                Ranma never stopped trying to steal the Phoenix Pill, and the apparently floating bowl was always a hit. The show only got better when Ranma began gamely continuing her attempts even when the cooks had readied a second or third bowl. Soon Ranma was forced to give up, and as reward she ended up juggling eight, nine, even ten bowls of hot ramen at once.

                Then the restaurant would close for the evening, and the Anything Goes Martial Arts Clean-Up would take place, followed by a quick meal and some training.

                Finally a no-school day came, and Ranma came early and worked most of the day. Ku Lon had been keeping a careful eye on the girl, and finally, as the lunch crowd finally abated, decided that Ranma was ready for the next stage of training.

                Xian Pu turned when the door opened, a cheerful "Nihao!" on her lips, but she bit the greeting off sharply when she saw _who_ had come in.

                Tendou Akane didn't even notice her as she stared at female-Ranma, who was hurrying by with seven bowls balanced high in the air on twirling chopsticks. Xian Pu had been forced to admit defeat when it came to chopstick-balancing after the first few days, but Ranma had decided to pursue the venue. Currently each bowl was balanced on a single upright chopstick that in turn was balanced on another upright chopstick, three bowls per hand. The only exception was the bowl that was balanced on an upright chopstick which in turn balanced on the tip of a horizontal chopstick (Ranma was clenching the other end between her teeth).

                '_Wow. He's good,_' Xian Pu thought with a bit of pride. '_Even Great-Grandmother would have trouble pulling _that_ stunt off._'

                "Ranma!"

                Ranma, who had been putting the orders down on the appropriate table, started in surprise at the Tendou-girl's voice, and the bowl she hadn't yet put down began to fall. Xian Pu yelped and quickly jumped over the intervening table, catching it in midair before the piping-hot broth could splash her fellow waitress. She landed lightly on her feet and laid the bowl out before the customer with a flourish as though to say, '_We meant to do that_.'

                "Enjoy ramen, lady-customer," she said with a sunny smile as the woman laughed and applauded.

                Akane blinked as she walked over. "I thought you saw me," she told Ranma in a not-quite-apologetic tone.

                Ranma waved it off, staggering slightly. "Nah, don't worry 'bout it," she said, leaning against a nearby chair for a moment. Xian Pu didn't blame her Airen at _all_. A full morning and part of the early afternoon working, with only a brief break to grab a bite to eat, was draining, and the energy needed to keep up the show constantly was considerable.

                '_Well, it's good endurance training, at least. Plus it's fun._'

                Akane looked at Ranma in concern. Ranma was looking a little frazzled; after all, she'd just come from another unsuccessful attempt to snatch the Phoenix Pill, and it had been a _very long day._

                "Don't you think you should quit now?" Akane asked. "I mean… at least you've learned how to balance bowls."

                Ranma pushed herself up to a standing position, wobbling. "Wa ha ha!" she laughed, sounding slightly hysterical with fatigue. "You ain't seen nothing yet!"

                The dull _thump-tump of wooden staff on wooden floor made Xian Pu and her female husband turn._

                Ku Lon beckoned imperiously. "Teishi, come here."

                "Nn? Hai."

                Xian Pu followed, a small frown on her face. '_What is Great-Grandmother up to, anyway?' she wondered. '__I know she likes Airen, so why is she refusing to call him Son-in-law? It's like she doesn't think he's part of the family!' She glanced at the petite, curvy form ahead of her and admitted to herself with a mental giggle, '__Not that he's much of a son__ at the moment.'_

                Xian Pu glanced back to make certain that their customers were all served and would not need the staff for a few minutes and realized that Akane was following them.

                "What pervert-girl doing?" she demanded, knowing that she sounded really stupid.

                The Japanese girl looked down her nose at Xian Pu, which was quite the achievement considering that she was slightly shorter. "Isn't it obvious? I'm making certain that baka doesn't get himself into trouble."

                "Great-Grandmother no invite pervert-girl."

                "Well, I didn't exactly hear her welcoming _you, either!"_

                "Xian Pu is Great-Grandmother's heir. She no need permission."

                Akane did not have a chance to reply; she lost the thread of the conversation as they emerged into the alley behind the Nekohanten and she saw what was waiting.

                "Why do you wanna make a fire in this heat?" Ranma asked curious as Ku Lon carefully prodded the open flames.

                "You shall see, teishi. Xian Pu! Hand me those!"

                Xian Pu passed a small bag of sweet chestnuts to her Great-Grandmother, as eager to see what was coming as her Airen.

                "You see these chestnuts?" Ku Lon said, holding it up. Opening the bag, she tossed the chestnuts into the fire. "Now… watch very carefully."

                Suddenly Ku Lon thrust her hand into the fire, but none of them had enough time to recoil or even realize what she had done before the Matriarch began snapping her hands in and out. "Ho! Ho! Ho!" she chuckled.

                Then Ku Lon turned to the gathered girls (and pseudo-girl). Her hands were full of chestnuts. "Care to try it?"

                "Ah!" Xian Pu cried in sudden recognition. "Legendary technique of '_Katchuu Tenshin Amiguriken' – Chestnuts Roasting on Open Fire!"_

                "I… I couldn't even see her hands!" Akane said with amazement.

                Ku Lon grinned as she klopped away on her staff to return to the restaurant. "If you can master this," she called over her shoulder, "snatching the Phoenix Pill will be child's play." Laughing, she vanished indoors.

                Ranma's mouth thinned. A blazing light kindled in her eyes.

                "I will not be stopped!" she shouted, and Xian Pu could almost see flames of determination roaring around her as she unconsciously went into a fighting stance. "_I will master it!"_

                Akane looked sardonically at her. "Somehow, Ranma… I don't think you should start today."

                Xian Pu picked up the bucket Ku Lon had left next to the fire and doused it and Ranma's leg. "Is dangerous to stand in fire!" she said.

                Ranma just whimpered. "Itetetetete…"

(_A.N. glares at chapter Okay, this has to be one of the most stilted, contrived chapters in this entire story! Yuck. Unfortunately, I kept hitting writer's block, and the quality of my work whenever I have to plow through one of those always takes a serious nose-dive. So don't be surprised if I significantly revise this chapter at some point. However, I want to keep going. I have several ideas for the next few chapters and I wanna get to them. ^_^_

_                I realized that I was being a little mean to Xian Pu, so I shifted the story briefly to her point of view. Did you like it?_

_                Well, Ku Lon has gotten Ranma started on some basic mental training, and introduced the amiguriken__. I'm a little worried about the whole ki matter at the moment – which book introduces the hiryuu shouten ha__? I'd really prefer to see what Takahashi does with explaining ki and the like before I move on to actual ki training._

_                Special thanks to aondehafka, Khimenko Victor, jakub, __and everyone else who either left reviews or e-mailed me. ^_^ Keep it coming, onegai shimasu__! This story needs the encouragement. Although I have several other story ideas in my head at the moment… If I hit writer's block on my current stories again, I may try to work it off on another story._

_                Next up: All's Fair at the Fair__!)_


	7. SENSEI Chapter Six

STICKS AND CARROTS

Part One: Sensei

Chapter Six

                Ku Lon helped Xian Pu and the cooks in setting up their little contribution to the fair. The Ramen Vendors Association had decided to put the general onus of setting up the booth to the most successful shop (not to mention the newbies), much to the Amazon Elder's relief – she'd _seen_ some of _their_ plans.

                '_Xian Pu as a stripper.__ I don't think__ so!'_

                In fact, she was starting to feel a bit of sympathy for Akane. The average male of Nerima was… not appealing. Oh, hell – they were a bunch of perverts. The few that weren't were just too quiet. It was like a newspaper – only the bad news got the headlines.

                Ku Lon eyed the setup. Very nice, and the costumes on the assistants were a work of genius. Xian Pu would be working as the door greeter and 'hostess'; the rest would be monsters and other nasties. It was a pity that Ku Lon couldn't have gotten some _genuine monsters, but one had to make do. Besides, genuine 'monsters' or magical beings were extremely shy. It would take more than a good joke to bring them in._

                '_Or maybe it would simply take the right__ joke. I have no doubt that any number of them would probably pay red gold to have a chance to get their two yen in on the boy's life.' A thought to store for later use, actually. Some of that number __were capable of teaching humans their abilities, and Ranma certainly wouldn't have much trouble accepting magical monsters – not after Jusenkyou._

                Which reminded her – she had a teishi to tease.

                "**Is everybody ready?"**

                "I'm ready, father,"

                The panda panted its affirmation, while thinking that maybe the cold bath to cool off before the evening fair _hasn't been the best idea in the world. Who would have guessed that fur was so… hot?_

                "Oh – where's Ranma-kun?"

                Nabiki fanned herself. "Probably setting fires in the garden again."

                Ranma was, indeed, in the garden next to the koi pond, squatting by a crackling fire with a bucket next to her. Scattered about were a few chestnuts she'd successfully snatched through pain and suffering. There were a _lot more in the fire. Ranma looked frustrated, tired and distinctly crispy._

                Ku Lon bounced over the wall surrounding the Tendou grounds. "Well, teishi," she said, doing a remarkably good imitation of a disgustingly bubbly-chirpy tone of voice. "Have you mastered the _katchuu__ tenshin amiguriken yet?"_

                Ranma looked at her. This time there was no doubt about it – the girl growled deep in her throat and chest like a cat before speaking. "Listen, old ghoul…"

                "Lookie-lookie! Here's the Pill that will let you become a man again!" Ku Lon sing-songed, grinning widely. This was _fun! At least, it would be as long as she didn't let it get out of hand. As long as she kept the spirit of the training in good fun, though, the attitude would rub off on her student. It was her professional opinion, after having Ranma under close observation for over a week now, that the girl really needed to learn how to laugh. Not the mocking or intentional laughter that she sometimes used, but genuinely laugh for the fun of it. Ranma seemed to have been suffering under a shortage of childhood._

                '_And, naturally, there are those who believe I'm going into my second__ childhood for doing things this way. Well foo to them, too!'_

                Ranma lunged and snatched at the dangling Pill, but Ku Lon gracefully glided out of the way. "Tut tut tut! You'll have to move faster than that!"

                The next moment was a repeat of hundreds of other moments that had occurred since Ku Lon received the Pill, save that it moved at a much faster rate than ever before. Not that the increased speed was particularly evident to the onlookers; Ranma had been able to move faster than the eye could follow even before Ku Lon began her speed-training regime. Once past that milestone, any additional speed was invisible.

                Finally, Ranma broke off the exchange and glared at her hands, which were covered in little red pressure-marks like stamps saying '_Reject.' "Grrrr…"_

                Ku Lon smiled, pocketing her stamp while Ranma was distracted. "You're still too slow, teishi."

                Turning, she decided to drive her point home and began snatching chestnuts out of the fire, much to the astonished disbelief of Soun, who had just come out of the house. When she was done, she held out the double-handful of chestnuts with a smirk.

                She was applauded. "Old gal, that was _great," Nabiki grinned, clearly delighted by the demonstration._

                "Thank you, young lady," Ku Lon said with a smile. "Which reminds me, would you care to visit our booth at the fair? It would be an honor to have you."

                "I'll think about it," the girl promised.

                "That's all I ask," Ku Lon replied. "Well then, teishi… I'll see you again – soon!"

                With those words, she sprang over the wall, once again indulging in her 'wicked old crone' laughter. "Wahahahaha!"

                The fair started officially at sunset, but people trickled inside sooner, to watch the vendors putting the final touches on their booths and to determine where they would go in order to optimize the entertainment value versus the probable crowd crush. Ku Lon was very flattered to see that the Haunted House was getting a very large crowd of prospective customers clustered around its entrance. This fair would be a nice addition to the restaurant income.

                Ku Lon bounced up onto a stone lantern and waited, occasionally smirking and scanning the crowd as they stared at her in astonished horror that quickly changed to shock as they realized that she was _not_ a prop. '_Fun, fun, fun.__ This is going to be an exciting evening._'

                As she waited for the fair to officially begin, Ku Lon thought back on Ranma's failure with the _amiguriken_. To the pseudo-girl's credit, it wasn't through any failing of her own that she was unable to muster the speed to snatch the chestnuts before the heat of the fire burned her. Ku Lon wasn't certain if even she, with almost two centuries of constantly using the _amiguriken_ under her belt, would be able to pull that stage of training off, not if she was also a victim of the Cat's Tongue – which specifically made one extremely sensitive to heat.

                Ku Lon knew that eventually Ranma would have to accept that she could not bear the fire long enough to snatch anything. The question was, what would Ranma do then? She was in fact looking forwards to the results. Ranma was more than creative enough to figure out an alternative training technique. The only question was, how long would it take?

                The slow trickle of people became a rush as the sun touched the horizon and the fair began. As Ku Lon had hoped, the Haunted House proved to be quite popular, and she even went inside briefly and scared the daylights out of a few customers. The staff of the Nekohanten and those of the local ramen vendors willing to briefly forsake the fair in order to help out were dressed in costumes of _oni_ and _mononoke_ of every shape and form. Most of the costumes looked corny, cheesy, laughable or all of the above, but some were realistic enough that even Ku Lon felt an atavistic chill. As for Xian Pu, she was dressed in full ceremonial clothing and carried an ornate lantern, welcoming their guests with a smile. Xian Pu was a crowning detail, in fact; she was cute, even beautiful, and friendly, but there was enough of the exotic about her and in the general surroundings to make the customers wonder if she was hiding something. The setting did sort of invoke that particular mindset.

                Ku Lon made a mental note to ask Xian Pu if she was willing to use her Jusenkyou curse to unnerve their guests at some point. Having the cute, friendly door-greeter simply vanish in a splash of water (or at least seem to) would probably freak them out – and afterwards, they would convince themselves that it was only special effects.

                Not long after the festival began, Ku Lon glimpsed a familiar page-boy haircut and black kimono. She waited, curious, to see what the Tendou girl would do.

                Nabiki was not actually in the line to the haunted house, although the curiosity in her face suggested that she might indeed shell out a little yen to find out what was inside. Instead, she was scanning the grounds carefully as she walked. Finally, she paused, right under Ku Lon's lantern. Before Ku Lon could do anything, Nabiki began rescanning, this time above ground level. When she saw the Matriarch, she smiled.

                "Scaring your customers, Elder?" she asked, mischief playing in her eyes.

                Ku Lon smiled back. She could easily get to like this girl. "Congratulations, child. I see that you, at least, think three-dimensionally."

                Nabiki blinked. "You're going to have to explain that one."

                "It has been my experience that few people ever think to look _up_ when searching for something." Ku Lon hopped off the lantern and landed pogo-style on her staff.

                Nabiki grinned. "Well, it would be bad policy to let myself get caught by a trick that I've used myself, right?" She nodded to the booth. "I like your set-up. You've gone for the classical style rather than the extravagant. I wasn't sure…"

                "Xian Pu may lack in subtlety, but she _is_ a very straightforward person, and she is young." Ku Lon shrugged. "I am sure you have noticed."

                "You're flattering, Elder. Flattery doesn't replace yen, but it sometimes lowers the price tag." Nabiki smiled, but there was a slight edge to her expression now. "Now, I believe we have finished the required preliminaries? You wanted to see me, if I recall. Why?"

                Ku Lon blinked, then laughed. "Very good, child. Yes, I did have a specific reason to speak to you, and preferably away from your family."

                "Hmmm. Well, since you seem civilized, I won't scream kidnapper." There was a little more tooth in her smile than absolutely necessary. "Which might be one reason why you'd separate me from my family. Besides, there are too many other people here. So with that possibility aside, I must assume that your intentions have something to do with a certain martial artist of our mutual acquaintance who is currently female?"

                "Precisely." Ku Lon gestured towards the side entrance that the staff used. "Would you like to come in?"

                Nabiki folded her hands in her kimono sleeves and arched an eyebrow. "The price tag's a little steep, thanks."

                "This is not a tour, Miss Tendou. We are discussing business here." Ku Lon moved for the door; after a moment's hesitation, Nabiki followed.

                The girl whistled slightly in appreciation when she saw the inside of the haunted house. "Nice setup."

                "Why, thank you."

                As they passed the 'lake' (actually a large, wide and shallow pool of hot water), Ku Lon noticed a flicker of jealously in the girl's face. Nabiki commented, in a suspiciously casual tone, "That's a lot of hot water. How are you maintaining the temperature – and _why_?"

                "It makes for a nice effect. It's heated the same way that the furo in the times before electricity were heated, with an oven underneath the building. Having all the other ramen vendors assisting in paying the bills for this _did_ help."

                Nabiki relaxed minutely at the reply. Looking at the girl again, Ku Lon noticed that her kimono was apparently a hand-me-down. '_So… is she just thrifty, or the family financier? Or both?'_

                "Tell me about Ranma," the Matriarch said, deciding to cut to the chase.

                "That will cost you," the girl warned.

                Ku Lon shrugged. "What's the price?"

                Nabiki looked at her carefully, and Ku Lon could see the mental scales being carefully weighed and balanced. "One thousand yen, and you promise that you will not use the information to hurt anyone in my family."

                "Eight-hundred, paid now, and I will only use the information against your family if I judge that more harm will be done by _not_ using it."

                "Eight-hundred now, agreed. Define your promise better, old gal. That's my family you're referring to. I want something concrete, and I want the promise in writing."

                "If I think that someone is being seriously hurt, I will take steps to intervene, even if this means interfering with the plans of your father or yourself. I will do my best to remain equivocal and unbiased, and if possible I will not take action without consulting you." Ku Lon smiled. "I know better than to alienate a strong ally."

                "Hmmm. So, no physical harm, but you will make judgment calls regarding emotional harm?" At Ku Lon's nod, Nabiki thought long and seriously. "I want this in writing."

                "Of course." Ku Lon led the way to a small back section of the booth where she kept an accounting station and pulled out paper, pen and ink. "This is not your normal _modus operandi, though. Why the change?"_

                Nabiki hesitated.

                "I'll add a hundred yen to the deal," Ku Lon said teasingly.

                The comment startled a laugh out of Nabiki as she switched out of business mode again. "Deal, but only if paid in advance."

                "Of course." Ku Lon handed the girl the sheet and several bills. "Do you want a witness' signature as well?"

                "No, this will be fine." Nabiki read the words, then folded the paper neatly and pocketed it. "I know martial artists; I've lived with them and I've made something of a study of them recently. You have given a promise to me and your honor will demand that you keep it. Besides, as you said, if you break it, you automatically make me into an opponent, and I have many ways of dealing with people I don't like. No – this is just in case we ever need to argue technicalities." She smirked suddenly. "I have to thank you – you've basically put all the loopholes in my hands."

                "You're a reasonable girl. I'm sure that if something is necessary, I can talk you around."

                "Thank you, thank you." Nabiki bowed like a performer, then her face became serious again. "I also want the formal evidence because it makes the promise formal, and I want that. This could be serious stuff, after all. Your great-granddaughter is trying to snare the boy that my sister is engaged to, and at some level at least you are supporting her. Anything that affects Ranma will affect Akane, either directly or indirectly. And if something affects Akane, then it affects the family."

                "Interesting. Then Ranma only influences your family through Akane?"

                Ku Lon noted that Nabiki hesitated momentarily before replying. "Mostly, yeah. I guess he's not bad, and having him around is amusing, but Akane is the important one here."

                Ku Lon nodded, mentally making a note. Ranma was still the odd one out in the family, apparently – but Nabiki's hesitation had proved that something was going through the girl's head. She decided not to pursue the topic, however. "Now, I believe you owe me some information?"

                Nabiki nodded and sat gracefully on a chair. "Do you want it chronologically, or by topic? And I should warn you, there is some very specialized personal information that I will not sell at this moment without serious consideration and perhaps consultation."

                '_If she isn't referring to the Neko-ken, at least partially, I'll eat raw ramen.' Ku Lon smiled, again, but only internally. '__That's good. So the girl does have a heart in there somewhere.' "Of course. I am more interested in very general information. And please, give it to me in whatever form you care to."_

                Nabiki tapped her chin thoughtfully. "Alright. Ranma: age sixteen, he's been with us for about a month and a half. Martial artist, very capable in that field. Socially clueless."

                Nabiki went on, listing off what she knew of Ranma. Ku Lon was left with three overall impressions: When Ranma was on ground he was comfortable with he was impressive, Ranma did _not know how to deal with people, and beyond that, Nabiki did not know very much about him. And if Nabiki didn't know, then probably no one except Ranma and Genma knew more. Nabiki, too, came to that conclusion, for when she reached the end of her list she paused and said, "You know… it's not a lot, is it? Heck, I don't even know when his birthday is."_

                "No, child. It is not."

                Nabiki seemed very thoughtful. "You know… I don't trust Genma not to have a bunch of skeletons in his closet. And anything that affects him will probably trickle down, just because he's so good at dodging."

                "True. Would you be interested in a contract?" When Nabiki just raised an eyebrow, Ku Lon said, "You know more about the information system here than I. Is there any way to look for records of Genma and Ranma? Forewarned _is forearmed."_

                "Very true. Now, how much are you willing to shell out for that forewarning…?"

                Nabiki left a few minutes later, several thousand yen richer, and Ku Lon resumed her post, smiling in satisfaction. The girl was no-one's fool. Ku Lon was glad that she was starting off on the right foot with her.

                Shouting and commotion down the road turned her attention in that direction. After a moment, she caught sight of a tiny female dashing through the crowd, borrowed black kimono kilted up and tucked into her belt and the sleeves rolled up all the way to her shoulders. "_SHAMPOO_!"

                A huge smile spread over Xian Pu's face, and her eyes became happy upside-down crescents. "Nihao, Ranma!" she caroled, waving.

                As Ranma came close, Ku Lon noticed a gleeful grin on the pseudo-girl's face, and a few red marks peppering her bare forearms. "I've come for the Phoenix Pill!" she yelled. "Where's the old ghoul?"

                Ku Lon grinned to herself as she came to the ground behind the excited child. '_My my my, ready for another shot already?__ He's tenacious beyond belief… and smart enough not to try the same-old-same-old. I wonder what's up his sleeve this time.' She readied her staff and poked Ranma in the small of the back. "Here, boy."_

                "Yipe!"

                Well, why not spice up this challenge a little? Ku Lon smirked as Ranma returned to earth from her startled leap. "A showdown in the haunted house!" she called over her shoulder, bounding through the door.

                Behind her, there was a clatter as Ranma kicked off her _geta sandals and charged in pursuit. "Fine with me!"_

                Ku Lon zipped through the gathered 'extras', grateful that all of them were the ones with the highly impact-resistant costumes when she heard the sounds of a scuffle behind her. "STAY OUTTA THIS!"

                As Ku Lon reached the 'lake', now steaming and making her feel like she was being steam-cooked, she heard a yelp as Ranma encountered her first real challenge: an 'extra' dressed as an oxen-oni with a special fire-thrower installed in the mouth. The Matriarch hopped into a floating barrel and pushed off into the middle of the pool, turning to watch the fight.

                Ranma dodged several blasts of fire, and Ku Lon noticed that the proximity of this admittedly short-term and relatively weak fire did not seem to bother her. '_Adrenaline, I suppose.'_

                Then Ranma was charging dead-on at the 'oni', headlong into the flames, which flared around her and hid the subsequent events from view. But Ku Lon could hear them perfectly well.

                _WHIIIRRRRRRRRR! "Outta my way" –__THWACK– "__before ya get hurt!"_

                Ranma flew over the remaining obstacles and landed in the open area before the steaming pool, the staff she'd snatched from an unfortunate extra held firmly in her left hand.. She recoiled slightly, her sensitized skin letting her know just how much that hot water was heating the room. But she wasn't ready to quit, not in the least, and her eyes immediately locked on Ku Lon in her makeshift boat, floating in the center next to the tiger spout.

                Ku Lon smiled and held up the Pill. "I thought you'd appreciate a challenge. Here is the Pill – but you must cross this boiling lake to get it!"

                Ranma prepared to spring, like a cat. Her eyes had the exact same total focus as a feline preparing to pounce, as well. "So ya want it that way, ol' ghoul?"

                She sprang. "_THEN HERE I COME!"_

                Ku Lon blinked, ready for the opening jab. The first move was always the most difficult to block; once she and Ranma settled into the normal exchange of blows Ku Lon inevitably won hands-down, but Ranma's adaptive ability made anticipating the first jab very difficult.

                So she was completely surprised when Ranma made a wild swing instead. So surprised, in fact that she incredulously repeated the sound effect. "Whish?"

                Ku Lon had long known that there were many laws in the universe which science neither acknowledged not adequately explained. One such law was the Law of Forestalling Comedy. As far as she knew, the law went something like this: when something really predictable and inevitable happens, everything stalls for a few moments for everyone to appreciate the irony and for the victim to make an inevitably futile attempt to correct the error. Ranma stared down at the water. "WAAAAAAAH!" she yelped, flailing as she seemed to hang in midair for a moment.

                Part of Cosmic Irony also involved _someone laughing at the poor victim. "Watch out, child!" Ku Lon called teasingly. "It's hot! __Verrrrry very hot!"_

                _Pok. "Just kidding."_

                Ku Lon blinked. There was Ranma, perched on the end of the staff just as Ku Lon herself went about when she was actually walking on her staff, well above the hot water. Apparently the girl had been learning more than she'd realized.

                Ranma grinned ferally. "And what's this I have here?" She held up a very familiar round case on a chain.

                Ku Lon's jaw dropped, and this time she didn't bother covering it. Yet again, Ranma had surprised her.

                And also, to move fast enough to grab the Pill without getting Ku Lon's attention only meant one thing – Ranma had mastered the _amiguriken._

                A smile spread on her face as Ranma carefully opened the case. "Well done, teishi, and an apt reward for your fighting spirit. You are always surprising and impressing me. By the way, your form on that staff is sloppy. Fix it or you'll fall." She began poling back to shore.

                "Ahh, what's it matter?" Ranma said airily, although she did correct her balance enough to pop the scarlet and gold-colored pill into her mouth and swallow. "See? Now I can drop into the hot water with no pain!"

                Ku Lon blinked as Ranma allowed herself pass the point of recovering her balance. "Ummm… that may be partially true, teishi, but…"

                SPLASH.

                "_ITAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!" Ranma, voice markedly lower now, rocketed back out of the water and landed on the shore, bright red from the heat._

                "…I _did warn you that it is __very hot," Ku Lon said, trying desperately to contain her giggles._

                "I noticed," Ranma gasped, somehow managing to sound wry even as he was desperately fanning himself, trying to cool off.

                Ku Lon decided to indulge just this once and admired the sight. The kimono was still tucked up, although starting to loosen. The end result was a _very nice view of his bare, lithe-muscled legs and a bit his chest where the neck of the kimono was open._

                Ahhh, the younger generation had _all the luck sometimes._

                "Nice legs," she commented, somehow managing to keep a straight face. Ranma glanced down and eeped, although he couldn't blush any more than the hot water had already flushed him.

                "Ranma!" Not a moment after that desperate shout, a deluge of water engulfed the startled boy.

                "Good thing this tank was here!" Akane gasped, clutching a huge fish tank.

                Ku Lon blinked. '_Interesting – she carried that thing? Now that__ is strength.'_

                "What th' heck didja do _that for, ya tomboy??" Ranma demanded, piranha attached to her kimono (now very revealingly loose after her brief return to her larger male form) and pigtail. There was another one trying to get its mouth around the top of her head (it was failing miserably) and more snapping around her feet._

                "I heard you yelling! You fell into that oversized hot bath, didn't you? I knew it! You need to be more careful around hot water!" Akane yelled back. "Honestly, why are you so careless? Baka! You _know there's no way you can get the Pill from that old woman!"_

                "_I WAS JUST FINE, YOU UNCUTE… Oh, forget it!" Ignoring the way Akane's face nearly purpled as all the blood rushed to her face in anger, female-Ranma turned sharply away. Kneeling by the pool of hot water, the girl plunged her arms in and splashed as much water as she could over herself._

                Ranma stood up again and spun around, taller now. (He also surreptitiously pulled the kimono down to cover his legs properly.) "I already _got the Pill, okay?!"_

                Akane blinked, and took refuge in anger. "Fine then! See if I ever help you again!" Sniffing haughtily, the girl turned away and stomped out.

                Ranma looked as though he were teetering between anger and upset over Akane's reaction. Ku Lon saw him almost start after the girl, but he held himself back, and she saw his hand curl into a fist by his side. Frustration was written throughout his face. Finally, he made a wordless sound of annoyance and confusion and turned away from the exit.

                Ku Lon smiled sympathetically. "Calm down, teishi. She honestly thought she was helping you."

                Ranma sighed explosively. "Yeah, yeah, I know, I know."

                "You're just upset about getting into another fight?" Ku Lon nodded sagely. "Give her time. If she has any sense at all, she'll realize that you were simply annoyed at being thrown back into female form after finally regaining your male form and reacted against the nearest target."

                Ranma reached inside his kimono and pulled out a few bandages; presumably the bindings for the breasts of his female form. "But I shouldn' do that. Right? 'f I always hit the nearest thing when I get riled, I'll hurt somebody bad."

                Ku Lon nodded, pleased that the boy was willing to be responsible. She watched him pick the piranha off his pigtail and clothing and wondered where the heck they'd come from. "But you did not _strike, and you had every right to be agitated. What is more" –and here she grinned– "you just came from a very challenging battle, and your blood is still going. Calm, teishi. Give yourself a chance to calm."_

                To her surprise, Ranma paused and gave her a long look. She couldn't read his expression, though; he simply stood and studied her for several long moments. Any thoughts that were in his head, he kept there.

                "Great-Grandmother? Something wrong? Xian Pu hear yelling and see pervert-girl – Aiyah!"

                Ranma jumped as Ku Lon turned and smiled at Xian Pu. The girl was looking at her desired husband with shock and delight. "Airen man again! Is too too wonderful!"

                Ranma waved a hand, a bit distracted. He'd just noticed that his kimono was too small, and that the obi was coming undone. He held it closed and looked around. "Ah, just great. I'm a guy again, and I have ta turn back t' a girl t' leave."

                "No, wait. Xian Pu…" Ku Lon stifled a laugh at the expression on the girl's face and mentally blessed the fact that her great-granddaughter was wearing an ornate and more importantly _encumbering set of robes. The girl was plainly itching to glomp Ranma. "Pay attention! Would you please go and find a kimono and belt for Ranma? I want to talk to him anyway, and there is no reason for him to return to female form so soon when he has just regained his true form." Xian Pu hesitated, but before she could object, Ku Lon bounced over and bopped her on the head. "Scoot."_

                When she turned back to Ranma, she discovered that he had taken the moment of being ignored to quickly re-fold the kimono into something approximating an appropriate fit and had wrapped the long fabric of the obi around his waist to approximate a very broad sash. Now at least marginally presentable, he looked a fair bit more comfortable than he had for a while, and was picking up the scattered piranha and putting them back in what water remained in the tank.

                Moving to help him, she said, "By the way, where _did these come from? And do tell me, how did you master the __amiguriken with the Cat's Tongue inhibiting you?"_

                Ranma looked up, surprised. "Wha… y'mean y' _knew that I wouldn't be able t'…"_

                Ku Lon nodded. "Of course I knew. I do not think even I could pull off such a feat." Before Ranma could get angry, she explained, "I wanted you to innovate. There are many ways to teach oneself speed. The chestnuts in the fire, while they give their name to the training, are not the only method."

                "Ah." The last of the piranha in, Ranma lifted the tank and carried it out of the way, where it would not interfere with the atmosphere of the haunted house when the booth re-opened. "Well… Akane was kinda tryin' this booth where y' catch goldfish, an' I took a shot at it an' pretty much caught 'em all, so the vendor said tha' if I wanted t' keep 'em I'd hafta catch all these piranha barehanded, an'…"

                As Ranma explained what he'd done at the fair (and Ku Lon was caught between amusement at his enthusiasm and a bit of sorrow that he treated such a common thing in Japanese society as a once-in-a-lifetime-treat), they cleaned up the remains of the fight and helped the dazed extras unfortunate enough to have gotten in Ranma's way earlier. Ku Lon listened and prompted him when he stopped talking.

                "By the way," Ranma said, as they withdrew to the back office (the same place, indeed, where Ku Lon had struck her bargain with Nabiki) to wait for Xian Pu's return, "what were y' expectin' me t' do t' learn th' _amiguriken?"_

                Ku Lon shrugged, fanning herself absently and thinking wistfully of the block of ice in the basement freezer of the restaurant and the sweet syrup she could add to it once it was shaved. "There were many things you could have done. To be honest, I am more interested in what _you would have attempted, had this opportunity not presented itself."_

                Ranma looked at his hands. "Well… I coulda kept tryin' th' fire…"

                "No," Ku Lon said, shaking her head. "I have made a point of watching your manner, teishi. You are stubborn and determined, but you are not stupid and you are flexible in your ways. You would not pursue an ineffective approach."

                Ranma was still looking at his hands, and Ku Lon abruptly realized that, oddly enough, he was avoiding eye contact, quite unusual for the brash young man. "Well… I was kinda thinkin'…"

                "Well? I am curious."

                Ranma coughed. "Well… y' know that book y' gave me?"

                "Yes. What about it?" Now she was more than curious. Ranma had returned the book three days after borrowing it; what had it triggered?

                "Well… I was kinda curious. I mean, I knew some'a th' theory o' ki, but Pops never really seemed int'rested in teachin' it…" Ranma scratched the back of his head sheepishly. "Anyway, I finished the book, an' I was kinda curious t' see if there was more. So, I, uh, I kinda went an' visited the Doc…"

                "Doctor Tofu?" At his nod, Ku Lon smiled. "A wise choice, teishi. He has a vast store of knowledge and a good heart."

                "Um, yeah. Sure. Anyway, he told me some things 'bout pressure points – said tha' if y' really worked at it, y' could temporarily overcome 'em, or somethin' like that. I was thinkin' maybe I could try meditatin' and trainin' myself t' handle th' heat. 'course, if I did that then I guess I wouldn't'a needed th' Pill… but anyway…"

                Ku Lon blinked. "I had not considered that aspect. You are correct, although the amount of training needed to utilize ki in that manner is arduous and involves a long process of difficult testing. Do not abandon the idea. Simply because the impetus of the moment is gone does not mean that you cannot learn the method against perhaps a similar difficultly later."

                Anything more she would have said was interrupted as Xian Pu hurried in. "Xian Pu late! So so sorry, but pervert-girl be very stubborn. Xian Pu have kimono for Airen."

                "She seemed to think that breaking into our house to get it was just fine," Akane said huffily from behind her. "Anyway, Dad wants the family back together for a bit, so we can go watch the fireworks." She glanced at Ranma, and Ku Lon thought she saw a blush of embarrassment before the girl pointedly looked away. "Anyway, here's your kimono, Ranma."

                Ranma accepted the kimono of black cotton and silvery-grey embroidery with a look of astonishment. "But… I don't have…"

                Akane glanced down. "Ummm… Kasumi kinda made it for you."

                "Oh…" Ranma started to look for a place to change, then paused and turned to Ku Lon. "Ummm… I know it's kinda hot, but… could you light a fire?"

                Ku Lon looked at him, smiled, and nodded.

                Several minutes later, Ranma and Akane left. Akane was staring at Ranma; Ranma was staring at his hands. And next to the ashes of the small fire were two double-handfuls of roasted chestnuts, still steaming.

                Ku Lon smiled and, selecting one of them, began to nibble on it. No technique should have only one purpose, that was her motto.

(_A.N. – Well, here it is, chapter six. I got this one out very quickly, didn't I? I apologize for the short length, but it was__ a fairly short section of the manga._

_                About the Nabiki scene – I have a confession: I like Nabiki, and I tend to portray her in a positive light. Besides, in the beginning of the manga she isn't such a bad person. Also, Nabiki and her knack for finding things out could be very useful for Ranma. Now, an interesting question – with Nabiki actively digging into Ranma's background, what will she discover? Will they have forewarning regarding all the engagements by Genma?_

_                Well, now we have a major change from the canon. But don't think that the beach isn't going to happen! It's just going to be… different. VERY different._

_                Brian Drozd – thank you for reviewing. It's a very, very nice feeling to have one of my favorite authors say he likes my story. Also, many thanks to everyone else. Just a warning – unless I get my hands on the next few Ranma books, this story is going to stall for a bit fairly soon. Keep the reviews coming, please! It's nice to know people like what I'm writing._

_                Next up: Beach Battle – Revised)___


	8. SENSEI Chapter Seven

STICKS AND CARROTS

Part One: Sensei

Chapter Seven

                "I can't believe we're doin' this."

                "But you look _sexy_, Ranma-chan!" Nabiki giggled.

                Ranma continued to grumble. "Fer cryin' out loud, I just beat that stupid Cat's Tongue, and now y' want me t' go around as a girl again?"

                "You are perfectly welcome to wear swim trunks and go in your natural form, teishi, but if you wish to do any swimming you must accept your female form."

                "But do I hafta wear a girl's swimsuit?"

                "Oh, stop whining! You probably just want to go around topless and flash all the boys. Pervert!"

                "Ara… what do you mean, Akane-chan?"

                "I'll second that. What's flashin'?"

                "Don't worry about it, teishi."

                "Hmph. Pervert-girl probably too too happy Airen need stay girl-type at beach. She like girl-form better anyway. Probably have too too naughty dreams about girl-form every night."

                "WHAT? You… you Chinese bimbo! Take that back, or I'll make you eat those words!"

                Ku Lon sighed. "Girls…"

                "She start."

                "_I_ started it?!"

                "ENOUGH!"

                "Ranma-kun, what are you doing?"

                "Stayin' outta th' battle zone, that's what."

                "Smart move, Saotome. Maybe there's a brain in that head after all."

                "Straying conversation aside, teishi, you do need to wear something, and your normal clothing will stand out here."

                "Yeah, yeah, I getcha. Still don't like it, though."

                Ku Lon scanned the beach and found a spot near a shady place where they could retreat if the sun became too much. Bouncing over, she laid out a beach towel and put down the cooler she was carrying. As she set up an umbrella to block the sun, the Tendous put out their own towels, right next to her. Or rather, the girls did; the fathers were standing together talking, and Ranma hovered at the edge of the group, unsure of what to do.

                Ku Lon had decided that the restaurant had been more than successful enough to warrant a vacation, and the beach had seemed nice enough, although Xian Pu was a bit out of sorts that she couldn't swim. Naturally, Ranma had been invited. Predictably, the Tendous had decided to come along, ostensibly so that Ranma could have the vacation without worry about any possible scheming.

                When the girls had put out the towels, each pulled off the T-shirt she wore over her swimsuit. Kasumi's was a soft blue, sleeveless one-piece with ruffles and a large bow on the front. Nabiki was wearing something that was really pretty much the same as her normal tank-top and ultra-mini shorts. Akane was wearing a fairly normal navy-blue swimsuit with thin white stripes and a low-scooped back, and Xian Pu was wearing a no-shoulder lavender and gold floral suit, accented with a pale yellow flowers in her hair and some shiny gold bangles on her arms and ankles.

                Getting a swimsuit for Ranma had been tricky; Ku Lon had never really noticed how… well, _feminine_ the average girls' swimsuit was. They'd spent a long time searching the department store before finding a swimsuit Ranma was willing to even consider trying on. The one they had finally settled on was black on the front and back and red on the sides, giving it a sports-like, streamlined, no-nonsense look. There was no hint of delicacy in the outfit, but the real selling point for Ranma was the set of white English letters on the front declaring BOY.

                Ku Lon herself was wearing a fairly loose black body-suit; no reason to traumatize the hormonal boys who were staring at the feminine pulchritude gathered around them.

                The group scattered to their separate destinations; Kasumi going with Soun and Akane to the actual water's edge, Nabiki to the snack vendors, Xian Pu lying out on a towel and sunning, and Genma…

                Ku Lon stifled a laugh. Genma had gotten nailed by a wave, and there was a swarm of small children around him, shrieking in delight as they pulled at his fur. Well, maybe the fool had some redeeming features after all. He made a wonderful giant plush-toy for the little ones.

                Ku Lon decided that it was hot, there weren't a lot of people around to stare bug-eyed at her, those waves looked like fun, and she was going swimming. She sank her toes into the hot sand and wiggled them, then began walking down to the water's edge. Then she suddenly realized that she hadn't seen Ranma go anywhere, and she turned around to find the pseudo-girl still standing by the towels, looking around curiously.

                "Teishi!" she called.

                Ranma blinked, then trotted down the beach to join her. "Yeah, whatcha want?"

                "What _are you doing, teishi? This is a beach. One does not simply stand around."_

                "Feh." Ranma shook her head and set her hands on her hips, looking momentarily disgruntled by the lack of pockets to stick her hands in as she was accustomed to doing. "What _do ya do, then?"_

                "One has fun. I'm told it's therapeutic."

                "Thera-whatsit?"

                "It's good for you."

                "Feh," the pseudo-girl repeated. "What's it s'posed t' do, 'cept make ya lazy an' take yer guard down?"

                "That is in part the point of it," Ku Lon said with a smile. "If one remained wary all the time, one would get very tired very fast." She chuckled and chucked a bit of flotsam at the girl-who-was-a-boy; Ranma batted it aside, then blinked as she actually noticed it. "You see?" the Matriarch said. "Your training was intended in part for times such as this. You have more than sufficient reflexes to allow yourself to relax once in a while and trust them to protect you."

                "Feh," Ranma said yet again. It seemed to be her word of the day – or her way of saying 'that's not good enough.' "I still don't get why ya wanted t' drag me all th' way out here bad enough t' bring th' Tendous along." Ranma unconsciously moved aside a little; there was a bit of electricity sparking between Xian Pu and Akane. The Japanese girl was wading in the shallows down the way a little, and Xian Pu was audibly snickering at the girl's nervousness.

                Ku Lon sighed. Did Ranma just not understand the point of _fun_? This needed to be remedied.

                "Oh, just get out there, teishi," she said with false exasperation. Springing suddenly behind Ranma, she launched a light attack, which Ranma parried. But as good as the child was, Ku Lon was still vastly the better if she kept Ranma from innovating. Before the girl had a chance to do so, therefore, a skillful application of staff and pressure redirection sent her flying out over the water.

                "Yaaaah!" There was a huge splash. "Why, y' old mummy…!" the girl raged a moment or two later, as she surged up to the surface again, spluttering and spitting salt water.

                Ku Lon, who had made a leisurely leap after Ranma, sliced into the water in a neat dive so close that the girl recoiled by instinct, then surfaced a short distance away, a broad grin on her face as she tossed her head to move her white mane of hair out of her face. Mentally kicking herself for not braiding the mess before she started swimming, she said, "Well now, since we're already in the ocean… let me show you a fun water trick. Guard yourself!"

                She submerged, and was pleased to see Ranma easily come under and descend to the bottom in the clear water. Smirking, Ku Lon began to twirl her staff, and the water moved with it.

                Ranma's eyes widened then narrowed as the twisting cone of water moved towards her. She released some of the breath she was holding to sink quickly to the bottom, set her feet against the sandy surface, and sprang sideways. She might have made it, had she simply recalled the floatation factor. Ku Lon saw her eyes widen again in dismay as the twisting water caught her slightly. She tumbled out-of-control through the water for a moment before regaining her center and rising to the surface for air.

                Ku Lon also surfaced. "Have a care!" she called. "A girl's body is more buoyant than a boy's!"

                "Buoy-what?"

                "A female floats more easily. Prepare!"

                Again she dove, and again Ranma came down as well. This time, however, Ranma slipped sideways and down in the water, moving quickly out of range and kicking up sand as she went. The loose white crystals were caught up in the twirl, giving it a semi-transparent, glittering appearance. Ku Lon did not allow her to surface again this time, however, and instead redirected the force of the water to pursue the girl.

                Ranma grinned suddenly. This time, instead of attempting to evade the water-twist, she moved towards it. Ku Lon realized what she was doing when Ranma dropped into the center of the twist and remained hovering safely in the center.

                Ku Lon ended the maneuver and again surfaced, Ranma following a moment later. "Well done!" the Matriarch said. "You found the defense against that technique much faster than I expected." Then her grin became the slightest bit sharklike. "Now for the test – are you ready for the full technique?"

                Ranma blinked, but Ku Lon did not wait for a reply; she had already dropped back down into the deeper water and was readying herself for the full Water-Spin. The moment Ranma descended, Ku Lon released the technique.

                Water churned and crushed and carried both of them upwards. Ku Lon was prepared, but Ranma yelped, getting a mouthful of water, as they broke the surface and began climbing higher. Ku Lon could dimly hear shouts from the beach, but her focus was on maintaining control. The full execution of this particular technique handicapped the executor as much as it did the victim, with the sole exception that the executor was fully expecting it and presumably had a plan.

                The waterspout reached its peak as the Amazon Matriarch latched onto her hapless student's shoulders and put Ranma into a headlock. Before she could solidify her grip, however, Ranma twisted, and a change in the force of the churn separated them. Ku Lon bit back a laugh, not wanting to breathe water; already Ranma was figuring out how to use the waterspout to her own advantage!

                Feeling the force of the water lessen, Ku Lon decided not to attempt a second attack and moved to the edge of the waterspout. She kicked herself free of the writhing cone and dove downwards into the water. Ranma was not so fortunate, being unaware of the warning signs; the waterspout suddenly ceased, and girl and water both dropped _a mass_ back into the ocean. Ku Lon backstroked a bit, then halted, treading water and waiting to see what her student would do next. After a moment or two, Ranma resurfaced, coughing water, swirly-eyed and grinning like a mad-woman. Pleased, Ku Lon began to leisurely swim forward.

                "Not bad, old ghoul!" the girl shouted, still grinning. "Wassa matter? Outta tricks already?"

                Ku Lon's grin widened. "Merely waiting for you to prepare yourself!" she called back. "Now… the Shark-Fist!"

                She thrust her hands forward, impacting the water and sending a concentrated column of it careening towards the 'girl'. Ranma _erk_ed and side-stroked, but the water-fist still impacted, forcing her down to the bottom. Ku Lon waited, and Ranma once again returned to the surface, looking slightly dazed but plainly still game for the lesson. "Keep 'em comin'! This is too easy!"

                "The Shark-Fist!"

                "Whups." Ranma dove, and the column of compressed water passed over her, the drag of the water pulling her back into still deeper areas. '_Man, the ghoul's good! How do I counter somethin' like this?_' The other technique, whatever it was, had been fairly simplistic. All she'd needed to do was figure out how to see the shape of the water (hence the sand-kicking) and the defense had been simple.

                That thought triggered another, and Ranma hurriedly back-pedaled under the water, kicking up clouds of sand with each step and watching for any disturbance that would indicate a coming blow. Just in time; a third blow came in, and Ranma barely managed to evade it. One again, the drag of water behind it tugged at her, this time pulling her feet off the ocean floor.

                Ranma began swimming to the side, eyes open for a sign of another Shark-Fist coming her way. '_This is great!_' she thought. '_This is kinda like mid-air, only harder 'cause ya can't move fast an' anythin' happenin' around ya moves th' water and effects how ya move!_'

                Still, she was starting to get annoyed. This particular move was annoying, even more so because she _knew_ Ku Lon was pulling the blows. What she needed was some way to make it affect her on _her_ terms…

                '_That's it!_'

                Ranma answered the call of her lungs and surfaced again, releasing the spent air in her lungs and drawing in fresh. Ku Lon, closer to shore, turned. With an expression that Ranma had come to associate with a challenging grin (with that face, sometimes it was hard to tell), she swept her hands upwards. "Shark-Fist!"

                Ranma prepared herself; she was going to need all the momentum she could get to pull this off. As the water-stream came hurtling towards her, she spared one moment for the thought, '_If I'm wrong, this's gonna hurt…_' Then she pulled herself into a line, hands forming an arrow-shape above her head, and dove straight into the oncoming water. Her body slammed into it with a shock, but she broke through the leading pressure and went _inside_ the water-stream.

                _This_ she could handle! It was like the time Akane had nailed her with the fire-hose during the match with Kodachi! Ranma began kicking and stroking her arms through the water powerfully. She swam towards Ku Lon using the stream of water as her road, gritting her teeth and ignoring the strain rapidly building as she fought the incredible pressure. Finally, after what seemed like ages and was doubtlessly only a few moments, the stream ended and she fell back into the water with a splash.

                Ku Lon blinked, then slowly smiled, plainly surprised by this particular counter. Ranma wasn't really sure why; one of her father's oldest lessons was, "Everything that gives an advantage for your opponent will become a bigger advantage for you when you use it correctly." The old fool might be a… well, an old fool, but he knew his martial arts.

                Ranma flicked her braid over her shoulder and waited, treading water. "Not bad, ol' ghoul," she said with a grin, pleased that the water was hampering the Amazon's movements as much as it did her own, which prevented the old woman from whapping her over the head with that staff again. "But d'ya hafta keep yellin' it every time ya punch?"

                Ku Lon smiled. "Of course not. It is merely a matter of style."

                "Well then, can I try?" Before the Matriarch could respond, Ranma executed a sweep-kick that missed the old woman by a mile. Then again, it wasn't supposed to connect. "Water-Wall!"

                A thick sheet of water rose like a miniature tidal wave in the wake of her kick. Without hesitation, Ranma jumped up and surged through and with the water as it crashed down towards the startled Matriarch.

                Ku Lon stared for the barest of moments, then dove for the underside of the wave, accepting a hefty dousing rather than being swamped under the peak of the water-wall. Ranma, at the crest, rode the wave all the way down and splashed into the water.

                They both came up laughing.

                The Tendous and Amazons were staying at a reasonable hotel, having _somehow_, just _coincidentally_ ended up with rooms right next to each other. In fact, Ku Lon was perfectly aware that coincidence had very little to do with it. Once the Tendou family had become roped into the trip, Nabiki had taken command of the planning, with the support of both Kasumi and Ku Lon. The Tendou girl had very carefully arranged things to ensure that everything was acceptable to all concerned parties; a nice public bath as part of the installments, a good restaurant nearby, plenty of beds and even a division in the Tendou's room for the boys after Ku Lon logically pointed out that without privacy, Akane would doubtlessly deck Ranma at some point for 'being a pervert and peeping at her.' While Ku Lon had willingly agreed to cover the basic prices for both families, any damages done would be paid for by the offending party in question. This for the large part exempted Ranma, given as he almost never actually personally caused property damage, and seriously annoyed Xian Pu, who had somewhere gotten the strange idea that in Japan one was expected to create one's own entrances.

                Ku Lon had, in light of their close proximity, invited the Tendous (Genma being counted as one of them; Ranma was nominally a member of both groups) to dinner with them at the nearby restaurant. The offer, including as it did the promise that she would pay (so long as the meal for which she was paying was of a reasonable quantity), was accepted graciously.

                The dinner passed for the most part in silence. In the interests of preventing any unfortunate arguments or jealousy, Ranma was situated between Ku Lon and Nabiki, with Genma situated between Akane and Xian Pu, on the logic that the tension and anger sparking between the two would take the edge off his appetite (contemplating one's eminent death-by-getting-in-the-way will do that) and keep him too busy protecting himself to try any mischief like stealing food from the others. Soun sat next to Nabiki and Akane, and Kasumi sat between Xian Pu and Ku Lon. In Ku Lon's not-humble-at-all opinion, they'd done quite well at both dividing up potential trouble-spots (Soun and Genma, Akane and Xian Pu, Ranma and Akane OR Ranma and Xian Pu) and at putting people next to people who would be interesting.

                Nabiki had seemed slightly disappointed; Ku Lon suspected that the girl had been hoping to quietly grill Genma at the dinner table, when he couldn't escape by either using water to turn into either panda form or by intentionally misunderstanding the question. She settled instead on some casual general comments to the table as a whole, listening in on other conversations and occasionally inserting a choice comment or two when she felt the timing was right, and enjoying her meal.

                Akane and Xian Pu were trading dark looks and snippy comments, leaving Genma looking trapped and terrified between them – and as Ku Lon had hoped, Genma was so nervous that he actually ate at the pace of a normal hungry man. The actual exchanges between the girls was impressive; a true demonstration of equal ability though equal though differing handicaps – Xian Pu's linguistic clumsiness against Akane's mind-clouding temper. Fortunately, Genma was such a solid barrier that neither girl tried to escalate their feud to blows, and the food was so good that their mouths were more often occupied with chewing than with insulting.

                Soun simply ate, attempted to look wise and in control, and did his best to pretend that the two Amazons simply weren't there. Ku Lon might have been tempted to feel offended by the last, if Soun were not doing such a terrible job of it. He flinched every time she so much as moved her chopsticks!

                As for Ranma, he was apparently devoting his full attention to the wonderful meal, although Ku Lon suspected that he was giving at least a little attention to the conversations around him. If he had any thoughts or contributions, they were staying firmly in his head. This struck her as mildly unusual – shouldn't he have at least said something to Akane? Typically that was what started their fights – a badly-timed comment. But then again, he was not being directly assaulted; the girls had, somehow, begun a line of argument that did not involve him. Perhaps he was simply snatching after this chance to relax briefly before he got dragged into the line of fire again.

                Or perhaps a full day of water-sporting had taken its toll, and he was simply too tired for the foot-in-mouth to strike. After the Water-Wall stunt, the 'sparring session' had degenerated into a splash-fest, and the rest of the day had been spent splashing around and generally having fun.

                As for Ku Lon, she found herself becoming caught up in a very fascinating conversation with Kasumi. Their conversation began with simple, polite comments about cooking, which had developed into a very serious discussion of spices and the proper quantity to cook certain recipes to ensue the maximum quality for the minimum of time and energy. This discussion had led into some highly entertaining anecdotes about Ranma's stint as a waitress (and a surprising suggestion by Kasumi that perhaps Ku Lon should hire Ranma again, as plainly he had enjoyed the experience and that the responsibility of a job and a small income with which to manage himself would probably be beneficial in his adaptation to normal society), and finally into a rather startling discussion regarding shiatsu, of all things. Apparently Kasumi borrowed medical books from Dr. Tofu and read them in her spare time. The entire conversation was engaging and informative for both of them, and it was not until dessert that they reached a comfortable conclusion to their discussion and returned their attention to the other occupants of the table.

                Finally, as the dessert was polished away, Xian Pu looked up and smiled warmly at Ranma. "Pervert-girl too too violent, yes, Airen? Xian Pu much nicer."

                Akane steamed. Of all Xian Pu's barbs, the simple moniker _pervert-girl was plainly the worst by the youngest Tendou's estimation. "Well, if you weren't busy running around like a __cat in __heat…"_

                The fight continued, but Ku Lon had lost track of it, noticing a brief spasm in Ranma at the word _cat. It suddenly occurred to her that she needed to find some way to 'learn' about the Neko-ken. Technically, she should not know that he possessed it. Yet… she didn't want to bring it up herself. She wanted to get Ranma to raise the topic first. Doing so would show that a bridge of trust had indeed been established between them._

                '_The Tendous know of it, but only by necessity. How could I bring him to tell__ me?' And she wanted him to _tell_ her. Finding out by seeing him go into the Neko-ken was just too hazardous. Firstly, if she were somehow associated with the threatening circumstance, Neko-Ranma would know, and she had a suspicion that Neko-Ranma's impressions would have direct effects on Ranma's subconscious. If Neko-Ranma got off on the wrong foot with her, it could set back her relations with Ranma, perhaps irrevocably. Second, Ranma would probably be mortified. His self-respect was very important to him, and avoiding the impression of weakness. His pride must suffer under the fear that drove him to flee in terror from a harmless household pet. The second also ruled out playing 'mysterious wise Sensei' and simply claiming that she had realized he knew it from day one._

                Complications, complications. Bah.

                Hopping up onto her staff from the chair, Ku Lon announced, "I have things to do. Play nice, girls, and kindly remember that if you break it, you buy it." Chortling at their near-lethal glares in her direction, Ku Lon hopped away. Tempting fate was so much fun! At least, it was as long as you weren't held accountable for the consequences.

                Xian Pu and Akane continued to verbally snipe at each other between glares. As Ranma retreated to the room (he may have been overconfident and socially clueless, but even he could tell when discretion was the better part of valor), Kasumi quickly patted out the small fires started by the sparks in the air between the girls.

                Genma just hid under the table and whimpered a little.

                Xian Pu was up to something.

                Ku Lon was as sure of this as… well, as an Amazon Matriarch who knew her heir and Great-Granddaughter quite well. For one thing, Xian Pu liked her sleep – so why would she bother to hurry out at the crack of dawn? Of course, the fact that she was moving with all the stealth she could muster might have something to do with Ku Lon's suspicions as well. The Matriarch had decided to hold her peace and see what would come, however. It would assuredly be entertaining, at the very least. That just simply seemed to be the normal state of affairs here.

                A chattering crowd at one end of the beach drew her attention to a pavilion that had been set up. A banner was raised above it proclaiming…

                "Martial Arts Melon-Splitting?" The group blink-blinked. 

                "Who th' heck came up with that one?" Ranma asked, an eyebrow twitching.

                "**IT'S A RACE! IT'S AN ART! IT'S A WAR!**" the announcer proclaimed, roaring into his megaphone. "**The rules are simple… contestants run while trying to split each other's watermelons. The first to reach the finish line with his melon intact wins!**"

                Ku Lon listened with half an ear to the murmurs of the surrounding crowd. From the sound of things, they were as incredulous about this contrivance as she was.

                "Hmph. What a stupid idea."

                "I'm outta here."

                Akane jerked Ranma's arm. "Come on, what are you standing around for?"

                Ranma was looking suspiciously towards the pavilion. "There's _gotta_ be some sorta catch t' this…"

                "**And the prize for the winner is… a KISS FROM MISS SHAMPOO!**"

                "OOOOOOOOH!" There was a thunder of speeding heartbeats and libidos. The whole beach of hormonal boys was hooked.

                "I knew it," Ku Lon and Ranma said simultaneously, Ku Lon with amusement and Ranma with disgust.

                Xian Pu looked down from her giant-watermelon pedestal and smiled dazzlingly (inadvertently causing another outburst of thumping hearts and drool). She'd plainly taken extra-special care with her appearance today; her violet-sheened hair was a flow of dark silk down her back, her lips were a deep ruby color and her jewelry glittered golden in the sun. She looked good and she knew it.

                "Nihao!" she caroled, waving. "Ranma win kiss, yes?"

                "You've gotta be kiddin' me," Ranma said with a deadpan expression. "We're both _girls_!"

                Xian Pu gracefully leapt and somersaulted through the air to land next to the group. Clasping her hands under her chin and looking dewy-eyed up through her eyelashes she said, "But Xian Pu feel so left out. No can swim because of too too bad curse. Airen play game for me, yes? Please?" She drew in a deep breath and looked down, lightly kicking at the white sand. "Ai… Ranma no need kiss if no want kiss as girl. Xian Pu understand. Pretty please?"

                Ranma began stammering. "H-hey, don't cry! I didn' mean it like that, it's just…"

                "Oh, just go ahead and live a happy life together!" Akane growled, turning away.

                Ku Lon absently tapped her chin. "The game itself may be a farce," she commented, "but… Hmmm. Even a farce may have its benefits, if your opponents are good enough." She grinned suddenly. "I suppose I shall have to play myself. It would be inappropriate for me to allow some unskilled young male to win a kiss from my great-granddaughter simply because there were no worthy opponents to champion her." The Matriarch turned and smiled at Ranma. "If you require additional motivation, teishi, then here is an offer: should you win, I will teach you the Shark-Fist."

                "Hey, that might be…" Suddenly Ranma blanched. "NO WAY! I AIN'T NO WAY LETTIN' YOU THROW ME INTA A TANK'A SHARKS!"

                Oops. "That's not how it's taught, teishi." No kidding it wasn't. That would be… ouch.

                "Oh. Well… deal, then! Get ready t' lose, ol' ghoul!" Ranma grinned toothily.

                Xian Pu gasped in delight and her eyes sparkled. "Ranma fight for me, yes?" She lunged forward and glomped onto the smaller girl, inhibitions cast aside in favor of delight. "_I TOO HAPPY!_"

                Ranma yelped and waved her arms and legs wildly in an attempt to escape. "No, no, no!" she cried, pigtail standing straight up in panic.

                The gathered boys whispered to each other, but most seemed to accept the explanation that the two girls were simply good friends. Akane was not so accepting of the public display of affection. Ku Lon was suddenly grateful that she had applied a _thick coat of sunscreen before setting out that morning as a dark glow seemed to churn around the short-haired girl and a hot pressure began to beat on the poor Matriarch's fragile (HAH!) skin. The girl turned and stomped away, leaving not-so-small craters in the sand._

                Kasumi sighed. "Poor little sister. She's not having much fun on this trip, is she?" The eldest Tendou daughter turned to Nabiki. "Still, it does sound like a fun game. Are you going to play, Nabiki?"

                "Me?" Nabiki arched an eyebrow. "Nah, I'm not interested in getting myself into a middle of stick-happy hormone-driven clods with not much muscle and less brain. Besides, I can't say the prize is particularly appealing to me. No offense, Shampoo."

                "Xian Pu no is upset. She no interested in nibble-girl anyway. No interested in horny-boys, either. Just Airen."

                "Nibble-girl?" Nabiki demanded, as though offended.

                "Always have snack to nibble on, but never take big bites. Nibble sound like Nabiki, anyway. Have same first syllable."

                Ranma snorted, and put a hand on her mouth to hide a broad grin. Nabiki sent the boy-girl a false glare, then shrugged. "Well, whatever. My point stands. This is a boy's game."

                Ku Lon set her fists on her hips. "Are you calling me a tomboy, young lady?"

                "Ah…" Nabiki and Ranma both backpedaled, Ranma out of reflex and Nabiki out of caution.

                Ku Lon glowered at them just long enough to make them sweat a little, then smiled. "Thank you for the compliment, it was very kind."

                Ku Lon had the distinct pleasure of seeing Nabiki face-fault for once and plant her face in the sand. Slowly the girl pushed herself back to a standing position, shaking her head ruefully. "I should have seen that one coming," she said in a wry tone. "I've been hanging around Akane far too long."

                "Yes, you have," Ku Lon agreed. "Especially if you think 'tomboy' would be an insult to a Chinese Amazon."

                "**Attention! Would the contestants of the Martial Art Melon-Splitting Race please come to receive their melons and their bokken, then take their places? And… uhhhh… would the prize please desist from hanging onto one of the contestants and resume her place on the Great Watermelon?"**

                Xian Pu pouted, released Ranma, and obliged. Ranma and Ku Lon allowed the sudden flow of the crowd to carry them along, while Kasumi and Nabiki headed out to find a good vantage point from which to enjoy the show.

                "Huh?" the girl-at-the-moment said suddenly, noticing two familiar figures ahead of them. "What th' heck are Pops 'n' Mr. Tendou doin' in th' race?" She turned a little green. "Don't tell me _they're goin' fer this kiss thing, too! Ick."_

                "Ick is a good description of _that particular mental image, teishi." Ku Lon allowed herself a brief, full-body shudder at the thought. "More probable, though, is that they are simply attempting to ensure that __you do __not kiss Xian Pu."_

                "I wasn't gonna anyway…"

                "Let them have their fun, teishi. It makes them feel useful."

                Ranma glanced sidelong at Ku Lon as they accepted their melons (although Ku Lon eschewed the offered bokken in favor of her staff). Ku Lon smiled to herself; she could sense the competitive spirit building steam in her teishi. "So why th' heck are _you playin', ol' ghoul?"_

                "Don't get me wrong," Ku Lon said lightly. "I just got to thinking about when _I was a young girl, playing on the beach…"_

                "How many centuries ago was _that?"_

                Ku Lon smiled evilly, and let her wrinkles do most of the horror work. "You shall learn, young one. You shall learn." They took their places.

                "**On your marks… Get set… GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"**

                Ku Lon hung back, knowing that none of the poor, hapless boys stood a chance but willing to offer them the illusion of competition. Ranma, on the other hand, rocketed forward – and where she went, she left a dripping, sticky mess of red from the splitting of many, many melons. "GET OUTTA MY WAY!"

                Ku Lon decided that it would be no fun for Ranma to have an easy trip. She leapt high into the air.

                "Whoa!" Ranma yelped, twisting to evade Ku Lon as the Matriarch sliced through the air where the pseudo-girl's melon had been moments before and struck the sand with mighty force. "I ain't getting' beat that easy, ol' ghoul!"

                Ku Lon smiled. "I would be disappointed if you were. However…"

                She didn't have a chance to finish. Soun and Genma crashed between them as they collided and each foiled the other's attempt to smash Ranma's melon.

                "Ranma! How could you? You're engaged to Akane!" Soun wailed, grabbing onto the small girl's arms and wagging his head back and forth as tears streamed from his eyes. "How can you be trying to win Shampoo?"

                "_WAIT a minute!" Ranma snapped._

                "Never mind, Father!" Akane shouted as she raced by. "I couldn't care less if Ranma wants Shampoo!"

                "Well, you wouldn't know if from the way she's acting," Ku Lon overheard Nabiki comment between bites of corn as Akane spearheaded a one-girl charge, leaving a trail of split melons in her wake.

                "Go, Akane, go!" Kasumi cheered, clapping her hands.

                "**Only four contestants remain!" the announcer roared. "****The pigtailed girl, the mustachioed man, the panda, and the living mummy!"**

                Ku Lon jumped up and clonked the dolt over the head. "Who are you calling a _mummy?" she demanded, before dropping back to resume her sparring with Ranma._

                "**Wait! There's one more! The short-haired girl is taking the lead!"**

                Akane roared forward, the sound of her feet in the sound drowned by the cheers of the boys, who had universally decided that, if they couldn't get the contested kiss, they wanted one of the cute girls to get it, rather than a middle-aged man, a panda or a granny. With Ranma occupying Ku Lon, Genma and Soun, her way was clear…

                Except that it wasn't. A slender figure landed lightly on the sand, squarely in her path, in a fighting pose, melon held behind her and high up as she threatened the Japanese girl with a bokken.

                "No one get by me… except Ranma!" Xian Pu declared, eyes narrowed with determination. "Not even Great-Grandmother!"

                "**What's this?" The announcer shouted. "****The _prize is joining the fight!"_**

                Akane prepared herself for battle. "Sorry, but you're wrong! No one's getting by _me except your grandmother – and especially not that pervert!"_

                A groan from the crowd made both girls glance back. With Ku Lon occupying Ranma, Soun and Genma had decided to make a dash for the finish line and prevent Ranma from winning that way. Ku Lon saw them at the same moment as Ranma, and redoubled her attack. Not that she _wanted the fools to win – but she also knew that as much as she disliked the thought, the girls would dislike it that much more. There was some potential in this situation – and plenty of distance to the finish line as a safety net should the girls not pull through._

                Akane glanced at Xian Pu, and the Amazon returned the look. This situation required desperate measures, and they nodded in unison.

                "No let fathers ruin game," Xian Pu declared.

                "Darn straight," Akane agreed, turning to face the charge. "We'll finish this _after they're dealt with."_

                Ranma glanced at Ku Lon. "This's gonna be interestin'."

                "Indeed. Shall we watch?"

                "Why not?"

                Unstated truce settled, the two picked up their melons and started at a leisurely pace towards the conflict, still sparring lightly. Ahead of them, the fathers came to a screeching halt as they realized their way was not entirely clear.

(_A.N. Sorry about the delay in getting this out. Writer's block struck – again. On the plus side, I have a very clear mental image of how the remainder of this escapade will go. I have to admit, the story is getting more and more drawn out. I originally thought that the Sensei section would end fairly quickly, but I'm just having too much fun writing the preliminaries._

_                I'm being remarkably mean to Akane, aren't I? On the other hand, in canon she got the most positive characterization. I'll try to be nicer, but for now my concentration is on the Amazons. After all, the vast majority of this story is__ in Ku Lon's PoV. As for Xian Pu… well, the change is starting to affect her, as well. Besides, I felt sorry for her. At the beach, and she can't even go swimming because of her curse!_

_                Thanks to Kenko for Ranma's reaction to Ku Lon's offer of training in the Shark-Fist. I hope you don't mind me borrowing it. ^.^;__ And also thanks to everyone else who has reviewed this story so far! _

_                To Khimenmo Victor__: You mentioned a little while ago that the whole engagement is as much about taxes as anything else. I just wanted you to understand why I'm not following that angle: I know nothing__ about legalities, and things like that are too serious to just BS on. Besides, BSing always ends up sounding corny and contrived._

_                As a side note, I just put in a big order at Amazon.com (laughs Sorry – just remembering a running joke in Kenko's Girl Days__), and the vast majority of my order was Ranma books! Yay! So this story will probably proceed to completion, maybe even over the course of this summer! (At least, I hope so, because I suspect that I won't have a lot of time for hobbies when at college.)_

_                As ever, read and review. I have open ears for ideas, and I try to give credit, so if you can think of something for Ku Lon to do, let me know!_

_                A last request: Does anyone know where I could get Ranma mp3s? There seems to be a remarkable scarcity, and given as I write best when I have music that somehow is associated with my topic…_

_Coming up, Chapter Eight: The Beach __Battle__ Continues! Fathers v. Akane/Xian Pu Alliance!)_


	9. SENSEI Chapter Eight

STICKS AND CARROTS

Part One: Sensei

Chapter Eight

                The hot sun blazed down with relentless force on the white sand, but no one moved. They instead snacked on what remnants of sand-free watermelon they could find and sat back to watch the show.

                "**What have we here?" the announcer roared. "****It looks like an exciting match, folks! The short-haired girl and the prize" –a roar of approval from the audience drowned him out for a moment, and he repeated himself– "****The short-haired girl and the prize have joined forces against the alliance of the mustachioed man and the panda!" At the mention of the latter two, there was a chorus of boos and razzes.**

                The combatants mentioned were seemingly unaware of the announcer. Soun stared at his youngest daughter, two tear-rivers flooding down his face. "Akane… why…"

                Behind him, the panda glared and held up a sign. [Foolish girls! Out of the way!]

                "No move for stupid panda-man," Xian Pu snorted.

                "Daddy, I can't _believe you!" Akane shouted, exasperated. "Why are __you trying to win Shampoo?"_

                The rivers turned into geysers. "WAAAAAHHHH! MY BABY GIRL THINKS I'M A PEDOPHILE!"

                Xian Pu glanced at Akane. "When fight, Xian Pu take panda-man."

                "Huh? Why do I have to fight my father?"

                "Because perv… Akane have advantage against silly father. He no fight hard; is easy fight. Then can gang up on sneaky panda-man. Besides, he cry so much, probably trigger curse."

                "Good point. Alright, all we have to do is bust their melons without getting ours hit, anyway." Akane braced herself. "How hard could that be?"

                "Akane regret saying that soon…"

                Before Akane could demand an explanation, she was the unhappy recipient of a demonstration as the fathers charged. Even as the girls separated to intercept their intended targets, Soun and Genma went after _their preferred targets… which were essentially the opposite._

                After a moment or two, Ranma shook her head and slapped a hand over her forehead. "Okay, I'm getting' dizzy."

                "They certainly are using up a great deal of energy for a remarkable lack of results," Ku Lon agreed. "Although I'm not sure I understand why Genma chose to attack Akane rather than having both of them team up on Xian Pu."

                Ranma snickered. "Tha's too easy. Akane's th' easy target. He ain't gonna do anythin' harder 'n absolutely necessary."

                "Why aren't you two breaking it up, or fighting each other, or just walking past them?" Nabiki asked curiously, strolling up. "It's not like they're noticing anyone else at the moment."

                "'Cause this's kinda interestin'," Ranma admitted.

                "We originally _wanted to see what the girls could do if they set aside their differences and worked together," Ku Lon explained. "However, circumstances seem to be conspiring against us."_

                Nabiki shook her head and continued watching the four. They were wearing a circle in the sand from chasing each other. While Akane pursued Soun, Soun pursued Xian Pu who pursued Genma who pursued Akane.

                "It ain't gonna last long," Ranma said in a sage tone of voice. "Jus' watch."

                Sure enough, in the next moment Genma crashed to the sand following an unsuccessful tackle-strike. Xian Pu skidded to a halt before crashing into him, barely. She didn't have the time to do anything, though, before she was forced to dodge Soun's strike at her melon. Soun would have pursued his advantage, except that Akane was right behind him and collided.

                Nabiki blinked. "Ouch. I thought this was a race, not football."

                Ku Lon put a hand over her mouth to hide her giggles (even Amazon Matriarchs can abandon dignity once in a while); Ranma just snickered. "Man, d'they look silly or what?"

                "PANDA-MAN NO GET AWAY SO EASY!" Xian Pu roared, as Genma attempted to take advantage of the sudden distraction to slither away towards the finish line. Of course, he was far too rotund to actually _slither – and an overweight giant panda doing an inchworm imitation was not exactly inconspicuous. Not to mention one of the weirder things Ku Lon had ever seen._

                Genma turned to see the Amazon charging at him, a wicked grin on her face. Thinking quickly, he whipped out a sign. [Look! Behind you! A giant bag of cat food!]

                The silence was deafening.

                [Ummmm… Wait! Look! A Godzilla-sized can of tuna!]

                Xian Pu began to seethe.

                Soun began to oh-so-carefully tiptoe forward, then swung his bokken at the perfect force, angle and distance needed to knock the Amazon warrior out without coming too close to that nasty aura that was starting to form around her. At least, he meant to. He found himself brought up short by his youngest daughter, who calmly blocked him, pushed him back (when had she gotten so strong?) and turned to face Xian Pu.

                "Shampoo… Don't worry about interference. I'll handle Daddy. You deal with that… panda."

                "Akane too too kind," Xian Pu somehow managed to say pleasantly despite the fact that her teeth were gritted together so forcefully that stone would have splintered between them.

                "Don't worry about it. Have fun."

                "Xian Pu will." Genma began to sweat – especially when Xian Pu calmly set down her melon, tossed her bokken aside, and cracked her knuckles. "Xian Pu most definitely will."

                [Ummm… A pool full of milk?]

                Ranma groaned and buried her face in her hand briefly. "Man. An' I thought _I was bad."_

                Ku Lon just shook her head. "I think Darwin missed that one…" And apparently, Ranma had come by his little foot-in-mouth problem honestly.

                "Actually, for Genma, that was pretty clever," Nabiki said with a shrug, accepting a bag of popcorn from Kasumi. The eldest Tendou daughter simply smiled sweetly and sipped her lemonade.

                Xian Pu simply smiled, slowly, sweetly, dangerously. Genma gulped. He'd seen similar smiles – usually on his wife's face. This did not look good. In fact, it would probably hurt a great deal.

                When he woke up (estimated time: the next century or his next meal, depending on if said meal was within the range of his highly trained nostrils), he would have to give himself a pat on the back for his remarkable prescience… provided that he was capable of moving.

                Akane forced herself to tune out the sounds of Indiscriminate Violence being dished out to a certain deserving panda. She had a bawling father to deal with – again.

                "WAAAAAH! MY BABY GIRL'S TURNED AGAINST THE FAMILY!"

                "Daddy, please!"

                "**And now, the short-haired girl against the mustachioed waterfall and the prize versus… uh… ouchie… that had to hurt… ummm, nevermind that. A final showdown…! But wait! The mummy and the pigtailed girl are still in the game!"**

                Ku Lon bounced up and bonked him on the head again. What _did it take to get an idea thorough to these blockheads? Mummy, indeed! "Oh, be quiet and let us enjoy the show!"_

                "**Errrr… yes'm."**

                Soun's tears shut off remarkably quickly, and once more he was the stern, in-control man in control of his household (or at least a reasonable facsimile). "Akane, darling, please move."

                Akane _almost obeyed. Unfortunately for her father, she saw Soun's eyes flicker ever so briefly towards a green striped globe lying peacefully in the white sand a secure distance away from the Indiscriminate Violence Dust-cloud (which currently was showing several panicky panda faces, flashes of purple, and multiple signs saying things like, [Uncle! Uncle!], [Have mercy on an old man!], [HEEEEEEELP!!!!], and [Fish cakes! That way, away from me!] And, of course, any number of smaller signs reading [OUCH!]). "Oh no you aren't, Daddy!" She moved quickly to place herself in her father's path._

                Oh, great. Niagara-imitation again. "But… Akane… why are you protecting Shampoo's melon?"

                Akane raised her chin. "Father, stop trying to distract me."

                "Very well." He raised his bokken and visibly braced himself. "Forgive me, daughter!"

                Ku Lon glanced at Ranma. "Well, teishi? What would you say of Akane's fighting skills?"

                "Huh?" Ranma blinked at her. "Whatcha askin' 'bout _Akane for?"_

                "I'm curious to see how your analytical skills have developed."

                Ranma sighed explosively as she turned to look back at the fight. "Always tests," she grumbled. Looking closely at the combat, she crossed her arms and unconsciously stood a little straighter. "Well… her defense is a bit sloppy. I don't think she's used ta people actually tryin' t' hit her. An' she thinks in lines. Straight forward, back – she doesn' really factor in angles or nothin'." Ranma tilted her head a little. "'t's kinda funny, actually – she doesn't have Anything Goes ingrained in 'er. Not really. Ya can still pick out the moves she's makin' easy, an' she doesn't transition between styles a lot, or smoothly."

                Ku Lon nodded, her patented Inscrutable Smile playing on her lips. "Very good, teishi. Very good."

                From the beach-battlefield, there came a hollow _shwok. A massive groan went up from the gathering as splashes of red came flying from the Dust-cloud. Nabiki choked on a handful of popcorn, and Kasumi gasped._

                "Huh, I was wonderin' when she was gonna do that," Ranma commented, idly slapping Nabiki on her back. (Fortunately for the middle Tendou daughter, Ranma _was paying enough attention to pull the blow a bit.) "Actually, I 'xpected her t' do it sooner. Wonder what took so long?"_

                Nabiki coughed and looked up at him, aghast. "Ranma! How can you be so _casual? Someone's gotten hurt!" She gestured wildly at the splotches of red on the sand._

                Ranma blinked at her, and Nabiki noted, incongruously, that at some point the pseudo-girl had balanced her melon on the top of her head, where the cool air wafting off it fell down over her face and shoulders. "Whatcha so worried about, Nabiki? Shampoo just popped Oyaji's watermelon, that's all."

                Nabiki looked at him, then turned, plopping down to sit in the sand with an explosive sigh. She looked bemusedly towards the fight. "Okay, _now I feel dumb."_

                "Well… Miss Shampoo _was quite angry at Uncle Saotome," Kasumi said consolingly._

                Akane was unaware of the side conversation. All she was aware of was a panicky feeling that it was a good thing her father was wailing at the top of his lungs – the pauses he had to make to catch his breath were lifesavers.

                Then, she made a mistake; one of her father's blows was stronger than she'd anticipated, and she was forced back a step. She managed to avoid stepping on Xian Pu's watermelon, but it was close, and her balance was off, and she was about to fall over backwards…

                "Aiyah! Akane be careful!"

                Akane had a moment of feeling someone grab her (and a moment to wonder, '_Mountain lilac? Who would be wearing perfume__ at a BEACH__?') before Xian Pu deposited her on her feet again, the Amazon's melon safely balanced on her poised foot._

                "Akane need be more careful," Xian Pu lectured, relocating the melon to a more stable position on her hand. "Stand still much too much, no can handle moving quickly like that."

                Akane snorted. "Whatever."

                Soun's tears streamed even faster. "Y-you're ganging up on me? Oh, how cruel!" His piece said, the Tendou patriarch moved to the attack again.

                "Crybaby much too serious. Is all in good fun, yes?" Xian Pu lithely leapt away from the lashing sweep of the bokken.

                "Really, Daddy! Do you have to keep making a – _urk! – scene?" Akane rolled sideways, arching her back and tucking herself around her precious melon to protect it._

                "Forgive me, daughter, but I must do this! I will not permit…"

                _Shwok._

                "Too too late." Akane and Xian Pu both extracted their fists from the place where the Tendou patriarch had carelessly left his melon in his hurry.

                "Sorry, Dad," Akane said apologetically, "but you're disqualified."

                Tendou Soun stared at the remains of his watermelon in much the same manner as a starving man would stare at ruined food (which, in fact, it was in a way).

                "**A dramatic battle!" the announcer roared, in his element. "****The panda and mustachioed man are both disqualified due to loss of melons! Oh, and, by the way, could a medic please see to the panda? I'm fairly certain those contortions are not naturally possible…"**

                The panda-pretzel, revived by the scent of food all around him (not to mention on him – split watermelons in the middle of a Dust-cloud of Indiscriminate Violence are messy), _growfed and tried to move, quite unsuccessfully._

                "**Anyway, the prize and the short-haired girl are the only ones – WAIT! THE PIGTAILED GIRL AND THE LIVING MUMMY – Ouch! Would you stop that please, ma'am? – ARE STILL QUALIFIED! AND NOW THEY RETURN TO THE FIELD!"**

                "Wow. That guy's gonna go deaf pretty soon," Ranma commented, strolling down to the field as she stretched, her melon still balanced atop her head.

                "Let him have his fun, teishi," Ku Lon replied, lightly tossing her melon and chuckling as people did double-takes when they realized the melon was as big as she was. Not that that _said very much, given how tall she was, but still, the looks were almost compensation for the 'living mummy' cracks. Almost._

                "Ranma! Hurry, get to finish line!"

                "Cologne! Come on, aren't you in this to protect your great-granddaughter's honor?"

                The two girls turned and glared at each other.

                "What pervert-girl doing?" Xian Pu demanded, eyes narrowing dangerously. "Xian Pu no let anyone but Airen win!"

                "I told you – no one's getting by me except that Great-Grandmother of yours!"

                "So ends the great Xian Pu-Tendou Akane alliance," Ku Lon said with a sigh as the girls turned on each other, watermelons raised high in the air behind them and bokken crossed. "May it rest in peace." As the girls continued glaring daggers at each other, she simply set her watermelon on her fingertip and spun it. Once she was confident that it would continue spinning, she simply strolled right past. "Teishi? Aren't you coming?"

                Ranma, who had been staring bemusedly at the girls, nodded, began to run, and went airborne.

                "No one pass except Ranma!" Xian Pu declared.

                "Sorry, but…" Akane readied herself to charge, "_you're wrong!"_

                _SHWOK._

                Ranma flew over the combatants, her legs outstretched and her feet trailing a few seeds. Akane and Xian Pu stared after her, the remains of their melons still in their hands.

                "Pay attention!" Ranma shouted over her shoulder, landing lightly on the sand and continuing her sprint as though she'd never left the ground.

                "**A stunning turn of events!" Ku Lon heard the announcer shout with glee as she turned to meet the oncoming girl, hopping on top of her watermelon for a slightly better vantage point. "****Now only the pigtailed girl and the liv… um… the old woman remain! Who will win the kiss?"**

                "Well, teishi?" Ku Lon said challengingly. "Are you prepared for battle?"

                "You bet." Ranma skidded to a halt and grinned fiercely. "I'm gettin' that technique, ol' ghoul!"

                Ku Lon smiled and began twirling her staff. "We shall see…"

                Ranma tensed, then sprang forward, her bokken held low, close to the ground. Ku Lon smiled and jumped, kicking her melon lightly into the air. Ranma was prepared, however; she let her hand drop farther and performed a one-handed handspring, her foot arrowing towards the melon. Ku Lon was forced to jump upwards as well to defend the fruit. The two martial artists dropped back to the sand, ready for the next exchange.

                Ranma's eyes were narrowed with concentration. Ku Lon simply assumed a very basic defensive position and waited, taking mental notes on Ranma's strengths and weaknesses and wondering what that sudden confident twist of the pseudo-girl's lips into a smile foreboded.

                "HERE I COME!" Ranma roared, charging again.

                '_She must be feinting. She _must_ be. _No one_ would be stupid enough to charge headlong like that_.'

                But Ranma seemed sincere. Ku Lon readied her staff for the simplistic counter that she had used the first day in the restaurant and readied herself to immediately adapt to whatever the _real_ attack would be.

                "YAH!" _Tp-tp-tp-tp-Jab! Pok! **WHOOOOOOOM**!_

                Ranma went flying, and Ku Lon blinked. It _hadn't_ been a feint?

                Then she realized exactly _what_ she had sent Ranma flying towards, and burst into delighted laughter even as she snatched up her melon and raced to intercept the airborne girl before Ranma reached the coveted finish line.

                It was close; Ku Lon leapt up and swung her staff at the pseudo-girl, forcing Ranma to twist in midair and lose the precious bit of momentum needed to actually cross the finish line. "You didn't think I'd make it _that_ easy, did you?"

                "Yow!"

                They dropped back to the ground, both landing lightly on their feet. Ku Lon had successfully maneuvered herself to be between Ranma and the finish line, but that was it. Her respect for Ranma's mastery of mid-air combat was increasing exponentially with every battle. '_Note to self: in the air, don't hold back half as much. She can more than take it, she can dish it right back out._'

                "**Now the battle reaches its climax!" the announcer shouted. "****The Martial Arts Melon-Splitting race has come down to a battle at the finish line! The first one whose melon is split loses!"**

                Ku Lon smiled. "Well, then, shall we begin? After all, you're almost ready to defeat me… give or take a hundred years!" Darting forward, she began to circle her student, kicking up a plume of sand with every stride.

                "Stop it!" Akane shouted from the sidelines, beginning to rush forward. "Kicking sand, how low can you go?!"

                Ku Lon didn't get a chance to reply; there was an explosion of sand, and Ranma went shooting upwards, her eyes tightly closed. She knuckled the sand away from them as she rose, and when they opened they were sparkling with glee. She grinned at Ku Lon, who was spitting sand out of her mouth (she'd gotten an unintentional bite of it in the flurry).

                "C'mon, ol' ghoul! Yer makin' this too easy!"

                Ku Lon prepared herself for another charge, then stopped short. The audience was shouting deafeningly (and loudly enough that whatever the announcer was shouting into his over-loaded megaphone was mute by comparison). Only two voices stood out from the crowd: Xian Pu shrieking in pure, totally undiluted joy, and Akane snarling in fury.

                Startled, the combatants looked up, and for the first time realized that they now stood on opposite sides of the banner proclaiming Finish Line.

                "Wow… I didn't mean y' were makin' it _that easy…" Ranma said, scratching the base of her pigtail and shaking some sand out._

                Ku Lon just chuckled and shook her head. She'd been having so much fun, she hadn't even paid any attention to her surroundings. She hadn't made a mistake like _that in centuries!_

                '_Ah well. It was going to happen anyway. I had planned__ to make him work for it, though!' Ku Lon noticed the challenging, battle-ready expression on Ranma's face had not altered in the slightest, however. '__Well, it would be a shame to let the fun end so quickly!'_

                "Hah! Simply crossing a line, teishi? Do you think _that will enable you to learn an ancient Amazon technique?" '__Not that it's particularly ancient. At least, no more ancient than I am… Oh, bother. It's ancient.' Ku Lon took a moment to set her melon somewhere safe. "By the way," she said off-handedly, "save your watermelon. We'll need the snack when we're done."_

                By this point, the sound of the crowd had died down as they realized that the drama was not yet over. The announcer, who had temporarily given up on making himself heard, turned. His eyes widening in surprise, he raised the megaphone to his mouth again and began shouting into it, presumably out of habit. "**W-What's this? They're still fighting!"**

                Ku Lon began to advance at a slow, deliberate walk. "You have done well this far, teishi," she said with practiced serenity. (There was nothing like a bit of dramatic scene-building to make one's student sweat a bit.) "But now is the time for the real test to begin!"

                Her little psychological attack was effective; Ranma tensed, radiating, '_I'm ready for anything!_' This, of course, in the style of Anything Goes, more often than not meant that you _weren't ready. Ku Lon smirked and charged._

                "Whups!" Ranma leapt sideways, plainly intending to keep this confrontation at a distance if at all possible, at least until she had a measure of what Ku Lon was up to. The Matriarch wasn't playing along, however; Ku Lon simply swerved and caught the pseudo-girl just as her shapely foot delicately touched the sand. The staff twirled, and Ranma went flying out over the water, to end her sea-gull imitation (complete with startled squawk) with a splash.

                As the girl surged up in a fountain of water, Ku Lon leapt in after her. "I just thought you'd like to wash the sand off!" she called, chortling, before she hit the surface.

                Ranma twisted about in the water to keep the Matriarch in front of her. Ku Lon simply smiled and, placing her hands together at the wrist with palms splayed, shoved the water.

                Ranma didn't have a chance to avoid the rush of pressurized water. She was knocked back and right out of the ocean by the sheer force of it. "Ugh!"

                Ku Lon surfaced and smiled as Ranma struggled to catch her breath. "There is only one way to earn the Shark-Fist, teishi!" she shouted. "Defeat it!"

                "Y' old mummy…!"

                "Shark-Fist!"

                '_Ain't _any_ way I'm divin' into _that_!_' Ranma thought, diving and down-stroking for all she was worth. The sheer drag of the force of the water was pulling her along after it, but getting dragged was better than getting slammed. The Shark-Fist that Ku Lon had been using earlier compared to this was like a playful tap compared to one of Ryouga's strongest punches. '_What 'm I s'posed t' do?_'

                She stayed as low as she could and swam to the side. '_Need t' get a fair distance away b'fore I come up f'r air or she's gonna nail me again…_'

                What to do? What to do? How the heck was she supposed to counter this technique if she didn't know how it worked?

                '_Well, I'll just hafta figure it out, then!_'

                Finally, she was forced to surface again, long enough to grab a lungful of air. It was, however, also long enough for Ku Lon to send another Shark-Fist her way. Ranma made a snap decision and spun in the water, trying to see exactly what the Matriarch was doing. Then she was forced to dive to the side to evade.

                At this point, Ranma finally noticed something, and she felt so stupid she nearly stopped and _let_ the pressurized water hit her. '_It's not underwater! It trails water t' create th' drag, but I've never actually seen 'er actually _throw_ th' thing underwater!_'

                Letting herself sink down briefly, Ranma crossed her arms and thought. '_Hmmm… it seems t' be strongest at a little distance, but not a long one. So she's keepin' me at a distance where it's most effective, right?_'

                Ranma began swimming in the opposite direction of the way she had gone before. A grin was starting to spread over her face. '_So… if it's only effective at th' surface, and best at a short distance… heh._' She surfaced again and filled her lungs to maximum capacity.

                "How long are we going to keep this up, teishi? Shark Fist!"

                Ranma went straight down, found a stone imbedded in the sand at the bottom, and clung to it with all her might as the main force of the drag passed over her. As soon as the pressure weakened, the pseudo-girl set her feet on the stone and kicked off, swimming straight towards the place where she had last seen the Amazon Matriarch. '_If she's 'xpectin' me t' follow th' pattern o' getting' outta th' way, she'll be lookin' fer me t' the sides, not right in front'a her…_'

                The combined blows and swimming had put her at a remarkable distance from the Matriarch, but finally Ranma got close enough to make out the small form in the churned water. She swam closer…

                …just as Ku Lon, apparently tired of looking for her at the surface, dropped down beneath the surface.

                They stared comically in surprise at each other for several long moments.

                "Oops!" Ranma said. (Actually, it came out sounding something like "_bloops_," but it still successfully conveyed the sentiment she was trying to express.) She brought her legs under her, set them against the sand and jumped.

                The strength and leverage of her legs managed to get her entirely free of the waves. Dimly she could hear shouts of amazement (and something that sounded remarkably like "_BAKA BAKA BAKA!!_"), but she only managed to register the sounds in the back of her mind when Ku Lon surfaced, smiling evilly, right underneath her.

                "Shark-Fist!"

                Unfortunately for both Ku Lon and Ranma, the boy/girl had already begun her downward fall. The mass of water missed her, and what did hit her was not enough to stop her fall. She crashed into the Matriarch, and both of them sank spluttering under the waves for a moment before resurfacing.

                Ranma tried to glare at the Matriarch, but it was hard to be annoyed at someone who was plainly enjoying herself as much as Ku Lon was. "Well done, teishi! You figured out a solution remarkably quickly…"

                They both blinked, then. Why had the shouting become so panicked? And two voices in particular were rising above the crowd.

                "_Ranma! Look out!_"

                "_AIREN! GRANDMOTHER!_"

                They blinked at each other. Then a roaring sound, a shadow over them, and a sudden sense of foreboding made both of them look up.

                "ACK."

                Ku Lon blinked, feeling a bit of ironic amusement. "Oops."

                The Shark-Fist, having consumed its initial momentum, had decided to abide by the law of gravity and come back down. Straight down.

                BLOOOOOOOOOOOSH!

                Long minutes passed. The beach was silent.

                "What's happening out there?" Soun whispered, a chill in his limbs.

                Genma (now un-pretzeled, though still stained a light pink with watermelon juice) nervously dabbed at his forehead with a napkin.

                Xian Pu nervously chewed on her bottom lip. Akane stood stock-still, staring intently out over the water.

                Then a great disturbance exploded from the shallows. Ranma emerged, swinging Ku Lon's staff over her head and screeching like a banshee something about '_WATCH WHERE Y'RE THROWIN' THOSE THINGS NEXT TIME!_' Said Matriarch was having trouble keeping ahead of the martial artist, largely because she kept falling over when she tried to stop laughing.

                "**Ummmm… would the winner please collect her reward NOW?**" the announcer called. The unspoken 'before something even _more_ insane happens' was tacitly understood by all.

                "_WHAT?!_"

                "I certainly hope you're happy!" Akane snarled, turning her back on the pair standing at the top of the giant watermelon. She herself, as a third-place finisher (tied with Xian Pu, who didn't exactly count), was sitting on the slanted portion.

                Everyone was gathered around the watermelon. "Kiss! Kiss! We want to see the kiss!" they shouted more-or-less as a whole unit.

                "The point of the race _was_ to win a kiss, teishi," Ku Lon said. She had attained second place in honor of being the only other person with a still-intact watermelon, and so she was permitted to sit at the top, although behind the victor. "The deal regarding the Shark-Fist was my own invention and a private bet between the two of us." The Matriarch turned to her great-granddaughter. "Which reminds me – Xian Pu, _where_ did you get that lipstick? I know you don't own anything that… red. And I certainly know that _I_ don't have any. To say nothing of the rest of the make-up."

                Xian Pu touched her lightly powdered cheek and blushed. "Announcer-man give Xian Pu pretty paints. Xian Pu curious. Nice lady offered to help. Is not nice look?"

                "Nice if you want to look like a cheap tart," Akane said waspishly. She was in a _very_ bad mood. Not only did she have to put up with her father's antics, but _Ranma_ had taken her out of the competition! They were supposed to work _together_, right? And not only that, but now she had to sit out here in the blazing hot sun listening to a bunch of perverts shouting.

                "KISS! KISS!"

                "What th' heck are they all yammerin' 'bout, anyway?" Ranma asked. "Like it ain't gonna look weird if two girls kiss?" She impatiently rubbed at her shoulder. She wanted to get this over with. She was hot, she was thirsty, and she was beginning to acquire a patchy white coating that crumbled into white powder whenever she moved and itched like hell as the sea water evaporated and left salt behind.

                "Ranma no want kiss?" Xian Pu asked, her face downcast.

                "_KISS! KISS!_"

                "BE QUIET!" Ku Lon ordered. The crowd was cowed.

                "Still, the kiss _was_ part of the reward," the manager said from the pavilion next to the giant watermelon. "If they can't get the kiss themselves, the boys still want to see it. Besides, some of them think that having two attractive girls kiss is… ummm… well, attractive."

                "Oh, very well. But no smooching!" Ku Lon declared. She smiled as both girls turned very bright red.

                Xian Pu turned to Ranma and lightly put her hand on the girl's left cheek. Ranma began to get a very panicky look, probably from flashbacks regarding the Kiss of Death. Then Xian Pu leaned forwards and quickly kissed Ranma's right cheek.

                Then, before Ranma could do anything more than stiffen with surprise, Xian Pu gave her a _very_ friendly hug and pressed her left cheek onto Ranma's right (to the flashing of Nabiki's camera). Then she (somewhat reluctantly) let go of the pseudo-girl and, grinning, pointed to the lipstick marking their faces. "Is good enough?" she asked.

                The crowd roared their approval, but the most vocal cry was not approval, it was anger.

                "I HATE YOU, RANMA!"

                "_Not again!_" Splash. Amazing how Ranma always seemed to get knocked into the water.

                "Ummm… miss? Could you ask the winner to please return? We need to bestow the other part of the award."

                A susurration went up from the crowd. "There's more?" "Another reward?"

                Ku Lon blinked. "And what, pray tell, is the other part of the award?"

                "Aiyah, why pervert-girl hit Airen like that, anyway? Kiss part of competition!"

                "And he went straight for it, the pervert!"

                "Actually," Ku Lon said delicately, "he wanted to win the competition in order to learn how to use the Shark-Fist."

                Ranma looked up from his watermelon. "Wish somebody'd mentioned this part'a th' reward."

                Nabiki grinned and nibbled at a slice. "Well, we certainly aren't going to be short on snack foods this summer."

                Above them, the tower of one hundred seventy-three watermelons (it once had been one hundred seventy-five, but they were hungry) rose proudly against the sky. One hundred for Ranma, fifty for Ku Lon, and twenty-five for Akane.

                There had been great moaning from the other spectators, not to mention hearty complaints that it wasn't _fair that all the victors came from the same group._

                "Oh, my," Kasumi said yet again, looking up at them. "But… where will we keep them all?"

                "I'm sure we can work something out." Ku Lon finished her slice and decided that she'd had enough for one evening. Even taking into account the appetites of Ranma and Genma, the watermelons weren't going to be going anywhere fast.

                "Grrrr… Nibble-girl too too stingy…"

                "These are Kodak moments, Shampoo. Besides, I know any number of people who would pay a lot to see them. Besides, five thousand yen for a set of five isn't bad at all."

                "Is highway robbery!"

                "Nah. This is beachside profiteering. I have my standards."

                "Profit…"

                "Nevermind."

                Xian Pu sighed and scowled. "Three thousand yen."

                Nabiki sighed and made shooing motions. "Oh, please."

                "Xian Pu no _have more money!" Xian Pu looked mournfully at the set of pictures. There was one of her peck on Ranma's cheek, two of them with their cheeks pressed together, looking like happy little cherubs, and two of them with the mirror-image lipstick-marks before Akane had lost her temper._

                "Perhaps lessons in Chinese?" Ku Lon suggested, remembering her earlier thoughts. If Ranma understood Chinese, training would be much simpler – not to mention he might notice the warnings on places like Jusenkyou in the first place. If Nabiki began learning, then they would have an innocent opportunity to offer that education to Ranma without worrying about accusations about 'getting ready to run off to China'.

                Besides, Xian Pu's Japanese really did need help, and one of the best ways of learning something was to teach it. In this case Ku Lon was applying a bit of a reversal to the concept, but the basic philosophy did apply.

                "/Thank you, Great-Grandmother!\" Before Ku Lon could chide her, Xian Pu turned back to Nabiki. "Three thousand yen and one month Chinese teaching for five."

                "Hmmm… what schedule are we talking about?"

                "Nibble-girl choose." Xian Pu was looking anxiously at the pictures.

                "Alright. A pleasure doing business with you, Shampoo." Yen and pictures traded hands.

                "Say, ol' ghoul, I've been wonderin' somethin'," Ranma said, blocking the chiding staff-swipe (he couldn't dodge without endangering some of the precious melons).

                Ku Lon put her staff back down and gave the boy a long, careful look. There was something that was just a little _too_ casual about his tone of voice. "Ask, teishi. I cannot give you an answer if you do not give me a question."

                "Well… th' Amazons know a buncha special techniques, right?"

                "Want to marry their Martial Arts, Saotome?" Nabiki asked facetiously.

                "NO." Ranma looked away from the girl. "Anyway, I was wonderin' if y' knew anythin' 'bout somethin' called…" His pause seemed to be as though he were simply trying to remember the name – only Ku Lon's good ears signaled to her that in fact, he was struggling to get the name out without a betraying stutter, no small task. "…th' N-Neko-ken."

                Ku Lon gave him a serious look. "Yes. I have heard of it. Please tell me that you are not such a fool that you wish to be trained in it."

                "No! No! N-nuthin' like that!" Ranma said very quickly, his face going pale.

                "Ranma!" Akane hissed, her eyes wide with dismay. "You can't…" Her eyes flickered towards Xian Pu and she closed her mouth, lips thinning to a white line with pressure.

                As the short-haired girl surged to her feet, with the apparent intent of dragging her fiancé to a place where she could grill him about revealing his weakness, Ku Lon decided it was time to end her 'ignorance'. "In fact, that reminds me. What on _earth triggered your reaction to the Shark-Fist, when I mentioned teaching it?"_

                Then she paused – froze up, actually – as though the connections had suddenly occurred to her. "Wait. You scream about being thrown into a tank of sharks when I mention a Shark-_Fist… You cannot bear being in the presence of Xian Pu's cursed form… You ask…"_

                Ku Lon set her staff aside, calmly stood up, and walked to Genma. Reaching up, she grabbed the heavy man's collar and dragged his head down so that they were face-to-face – and, not coincidentally, he could not get within range of any cold water. Every word was sharp. "Genma Saotome. I suggest that you answer me. And do so promptly. And honestly. _What. Did. You. Do. To. Him?!"_

                Panicking didn't help Genma. Looking for cold water was impossible. So he resorted to his old style and began to play Wise Sensei.

                And the more he talked, the more Ku Lon despised him.

                On one hand, she could in a way understand the training. The technique had been banned for its flawed results, not just the severity of the training. Many people would agree that many Amazon techniques were just as harsh on the student, at least in body if not in psyche. The full Amiguriken training demanded that the trainee put their hands in fire. The Bakusai Tenketsu demanded getting constantly slammed by ton-weight boulders. But Amazons receiving this training were at youngest in their late teens, capable of choosing the training themselves with full understanding of the consequences, and with many years of less destructive training behind them in order to strengthen their bodies.

                However, none of these techniques truly damaged the inner personality or the mind. The Neko-ken was based on imprinting fear in a young child's psyche. The child did not understand the consequences, nor chose the training for him or herself. The need for youth and the damage done to the mind were unacceptable by the standards of the Amazons.

                There was a second reason. For all their severity, Amazon training techniques had automatic safeties built in. An Elder was required to be present for the training if it required circumstances beyond the trainee's control, such as the swinging boulder in the Bakusai Tenketsu. The Elder's responsibility was both to teach the trainee and to take control if the training took a dangerous turn of events. Genma, however, had simply shoved his son into a pit of cats and left him there. Had something gone wrong, Genma would have had not only no way of knowing, but also no way of intervening.

                Finally, no Amazon ever taught a technique unless they had endured the training personally. The experience allowed them to sympathize with the student and to better be able to monitor the events. Somehow, Ku Lon seriously doubted Genma had ever been personally shoved into a pit of cats. Small wonder Ranma had very little affection for his father.

                When Genma reached the point of describing his attempts to 'fix' the training, Ku Lon decided she'd had enough. She punched him in the gut to get him to stop talking.

                "That is quite enough. You, Saotome Genma, are a fool and an idiot. One is forced to wonder what on earth you did to merit being blessed with a son and a student like Ranma." Turning sharply away, she walked over to Ranma. He had backed away a bit as Genma had begun describing the training, and she'd never seen anyone look so much like… well, a frightened cat, actually.

                '_Interesting. For all his fear of cats, Ranma has any number of feline qualities himself, at least in behavior. This needs more serious looking into.'_

                "As I said," Ku Lon continued calmly, as though she had not just nearly caused Genma to nearly soil himself, (Honestly! She wasn't _that scary! Well… maybe a little… she __was angry…) "I know __of the Neko-ken, although not until this moment did I think I would ever encounter someone fool enough to attempt __teaching it. Why do you ask, teishi?"_

                Ranma hesitated, then asked, "D'ya know any way t' _fix it?"_

                Ku Lon crossed her arms over her chest and thought hard. "I will need to look into this," she said at last. "It will take time. However, should I encounter such a solution, you can rest assured that I will contact you immediately."

                "Really?" To Ku Lon's surprise, it was not Ranma who spoke. Akane moved next to her fiancé, looking warily but a little hopefully at Ku Lon. "You can fix it?"

                "I have no assurances," Ku Lon replied. "However, I will try." Standing, she brushed the sand off her pantsuit. "Now, I believe it is time to go to bed. I shall see about shipping these to the Neko-hanten's cooler. Xian Pu, remain here. The rest of you, scoot."

                Xian Pu waited while her great-grandmother hustled the others out. "What Great-Grandmother upset about?" she asked.

                Ku Lon turned back to her. "/For this once, child, you may speak Chinese. I want to ensure you understood exactly what your intended's father was saying.\"

                Xian Pu blinked, but didn't question her good luck. "/I'm afraid he was talking rather quickly. And I _must have misheard, because he seemed to be talking about throwing Airen into a pit of cats multiple times.\"_

                Ku Lon sighed. "/Unfortunately, you did not mishear. He did exactly that, when Ranma was a child. As a result, Ranma is very frightened of cats.\"

                Xian Pu's eyes widened with dismay. "/But… my curse…!\" Her shoulders slumped a little. "/So that's why he always runs away from me.\"

                Ku Lon couldn't help but chuckle. "/He runs away because you chase him so fiercely. It is only when you are feline that we encounter a problem.\" She patted Xian Pu's arm. "/Fear not. I shall do my best to help him master his fear. However, I felt that you should be aware of the problem, so that you would not seek him out in cursed form.\"

                "Is hard to think of Airen scared of anything," Xian Pu admitted, reverting to Japanese without being asked. It was exasperating, but at least Great-Grandmother approved. "Thank you for warning, Great-Grandmother."

                "You are welcome. Now, to bed with you." Ku Lon hustled the girl away.

                After finding a trucker willing to cart the watermelons to the Neko-hanten for the bribe of some cash and a watermelon from Ku Lon's reward (after all, they would probably have to give most of them away, just to make sure they were eaten before they went bad), Ku Lon began walking back, thinking. She hadn't realized how badly Genma had handled the Neko-ken training, and she'd overreacted. '_On the other hand, this may help me,' she decided. '__Ranma certainly has no love for his father, so he will not object to my harshness, and by my objection I have proven that I__ understand the boundary between training and torture.'_

                The Neko-ken, on the other hand, was proving to be more complex than she'd thought. Genma had mentioned something about attempting to cure it by throwing him into another pit (Ku Lon snorted at the thought. Yeah, _real likely), which meant that the fear was even more deeply ingrained than she'd expected. Not surprising, all told, and while irritating, she had half-anticipated the mistake._

                What she had not anticipated was Ranma's own unconscious behavior. Whether it was ingrained by the Neko-ken or simply an aspect of the boy's personality, Ranma reminded her of a cat. But what was more…

                '_He snuck up on me the first day, something he should not__ have been able to do. At his level of training, he has yet to control his own aura. However, he was completely undetectable until he intentionally drew attention to himself.' Cats __did have an apparently innate sneaking ability. Had Ranma acquired a bit of that?_

                '_It's possible. He has other cat-like traits as well – the reflexes, the ability to land on his feet, the sense of balance. Most of that is training– but did the Neko-ken give him something of a jump-start? If so, what will happen if he gets control of it?'_

                For that matter, was getting control possible? Genma seemed to believe not. Which, naturally, made Ku Lon assume there _was something. Genma just was like that. But did he have a point? For all his flaws, Genma __could teach. Would he really have left such a terrible weakness in his prize student?_

                Then again, he'd left social and intellectual weaknesses, weaknesses that Ku Lon was happily fixing. He may have let it slide because the weaknesses gave him a level of control over his increasingly independent son. All he had to do was remind Ranma of the Neko-ken, and he could maneuver the boy into doing just about anything. Personally, Ku Lon found that tactic reprehensible, but then again Genma wasn't exactly inspiring of affection or respect, either.

                Genma also may have looked for a cure for the Neko-ken, but she had no doubt that he lacked the resources she had acquired in her life. Any number of them were built on trust, respect and/or favors owed. Somehow she doubted that Genma had allies waiting in the wings.

                Ku Lon then turned her mind to Xian Pu. Her rather underhanded trick with forcing the girl to deal with her intended's curse had worked. Xian Pu's attitudes toward the two forms had mingled slightly. She was more confident expressing affection towards female-Ranma (as today had proven), but her friendship with female-Ranma was also influencing her attitude toward male-Ranma. Maybe there was still hope there.

                There was hope in other things, too. Xian Pu might not be willing to admit it, but she was beginning to enjoy herself here. Her interactions with Tendou Akane were particularly amusing. The two girls had far too many similarities to be instant friends – not with their bad start – but there was potential there. They would always be rivals, but if she could just channel that energy into a healthy, constructive rivalry, that would be a definitely unexpected benefit.

                '_Of course, that's assuming she doesn't do anything rash,' Ku Lon thought, a nervous sweatdrop beginning to form. '__Like going after Genma with a sword. Or charging up to Ranma with assurances at an unfortunate time…'_

                She began to run.

                "Urk…"

                "Baka!"

                "Airen see me and pass out!"

                "Shampoo, I think we need to have a talk about bathtubs and men…"

                Ku Lon slapped a hand across her forehead. '_Oh well. It couldn't last forever.'_

                The next morning…

                "Hey! Ol' ghoul! Why're we leavin'? Ain'cha gonna teach me that Shark-Fist thing?"

                "I would have thought that you'd have learned it by now, teishi. You seen me use it enough."

                "Yeah, I saw ya use it, but what's th' trick? All I saw ya doin' was shovin' th' water."

                "Actually, that's all there is to it."

                _Thud._

                "Aiyah! Airen fall in sand!"

                "Serves you right." Akane pulled the boy out of the sand-pit his facefault had created and began to walk back to the train station, still pulling him by the pigtail.

_(AN: Well, that's done! Sorry about the delay… I got stupid writer's block in the middle. -_-_

_                Well, we have a number of new things getting introduced here. Xian Pu and Akane may not like each other… but there is potential for friendship there. Will anything come of it? We'll have to wait and see. Genma has demonstrated that Ranma acquired the Saotome Foot-in-Mouth honestly, and received some just desserts. Ku Lon is making plans (like this is anything new?). Ranma has gotten some things to think about. All in all, a productive chapter._

_                I want some of those watermelons. -_-*_

_                I may or may not put this story on hold briefly – I'm starting to lose momentum with it. If I do, I will either work on my Slayers fic, or work on some original stories. However, this is only a possibility. I'm having a lot of fun with this story at the moment. Many thanks to the people who sent me mp3 links, by the way. As ever – read and review, comment and critique. Reviews = encouraged creative juices = more chapters faster._

_                Next up: Chapter Nine: Enter Ryouga._

_                Otherwise known as: Ku Lon realizes that she isn't immune to making mistakes – and realizes that she herself has a rival.)_


	10. SENSEI Chapter Nine

STICKS AND CARROTS

Part One: Sensei

Chapter Nine

                Ahh… the mid-afternoon lull. Otherwise known as the blessing of all restaurateurs. It wasn't as pronounced during the summer as during the school years, but it still existed.

                Xian Pu did some stretches to relax her tired muscles as she strolled out to serve the one or two customers who had chosen the Neko-hanten for a place to linger during the slow hours of mid-afternoon. She didn't go through her usual gymnastics, though, and luckily for their continued health none of the boys asked her to. It was just too hot, to either be active or to watch someone prancing around. Besides, it wasn't as much fun without her husband (oh, all right, all right! Her _intended) to compete against._

                She grimaced to herself at the thought, the expression translating into a cute little pout. Great-Grandmother was being so _stubborn! She wouldn't even allow Xian Pu to __think of Ranma as her husband!_

                Oh, fine, fine, so her Great-Grandmother hadn't _ordered her not to think of him as such, although she __had suggested that Xian Pu do so. But she wouldn't let Xian Pu refer to him as her husband, and where words went, the mind usually followed. At least 'Airen' was still considered permissible. 'Darling', Ku Lon had told her, was acceptable because it didn't necessarily imply they were already married, and simply communicated her feelings towards him._

                Xian Pu sighed and set down her tray for a moment while waiting for the next order to be finished. If she was going to be honest, on the other hand, she was glad her Great-Grandmother was here. In the village, couples simply spent time together as a matter of course, and courting was something that simply developed as one grew up without needing a formal acknowledgement. It was rather inevitable, after all. Jokusetsu was a small village. But here, things were simply _complicated._

                Besides, already her Great-Grandmother's tactics were taking fruit. She got a reminder of that every time she passed Ranma when she was making deliveries. He might not be seeking her out, or returning her gestures of affection – but he wasn't running away, either. Still, she _wished there were some way to speed up the process!_

                Actually, she had that, too. At Ku Lon's suggestion, Ranma would be joining Nabiki for lessons in Chinese. Xian Pu was actually a little nervous about that. Ranma wasn't the only one her Great-Grandmother was training. Ku Lon had dropped heavy hints that this would be Xian Pu's first start on learning one of the greatest responsibilities of a Matriarch: to teach. It was a scary thought.

                On the other hand, Ku Lon had _also hinted that Ranma, too, would be undergoing similar training. Actually, what she'd said was, "Ranma is far beyond you in skill. I may ask him to help you improve – if you think you can follow his instructions and not attach yourself to him like a barnacle."_

                Xian Pu blushed at the thought. It was just… she liked being with him… and he was _so cute when he got flustered!_

                The assistant cook returned her smile as she took the ramen order with a giggle at her own thoughts. Xian Pu noticed and brightened her smile a little. The assistant cooks weren't bad people, though weak by her standards. And they were so helpful about the serving games!

                As Xian Pu took the dish out, the front door opened and Ku Lon strolled in. "Welcome home, Great-Grandmother!" Xian Pu called, glad now that her thoughts had taken a brighter turn. Ku Lon believed that grim thoughts led to grim actions (and she was probably right), and that bright thoughts led to bright fortunes.

                "We are lucky today, Xian Pu!" Ku Lon replied with a broad smile, holding up something small, chubby, black and squirming. "I found a delicious-looking pig in the woods!"

                Xian Pu smiled brightly. "Very lucky today, Great-Grandmother!"

                She paused setting down the bowl, though, as her grandmother walked past and she got a good look at the frantically _bweeing small black piglet, and the backpack Ku Lon was pulling behind her._

                '_Wait a minute… I know__ I've seen that pig before, somewhere,' she realized suddenly. She blinked and furrowed her brow, thinking. Where __had she seen that yellow bandanna? It was very distinctive…_

                She didn't realize that her Great-Grandmother was wondering much the same thing.

                "Just wait!" she heard Ku Lon saying cheerfully. "You're about to become a scrumptious boiled pig! Someday you'll thank me for this."

                "KWEEEEE-KWEEEEE KWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

                Suddenly Xian Pu remembered. Of course! The piglet was Akane's pet! How could she have forgotten?

                Turning, she hurried to the entrance to the kitchen. "Wait, Great-Grandmother!" she called. "Not cook this pig!" Not that she was worried about Akane's reaction (of course not) – if the girl was going to be so careless with her pet, then she had to realize that this might happen – but it was simply cruel to cook a dumb animal who looked up to humans for affection and protection.

                "**_EEE-YAAAAAAAH!_****_ HOT HOT HOT HOT!!"_**

                Xian Pu stared. "Ai-yaaaaaah!"

                Ku Lon just blinked.

                The fanged, naked boy lunged forward, blazing rage in his eyes that was nearly a match for the lobster-red tone of his overheated skin. "OLD WOMAN, HOW _DARE YOU?!"_

                "Hiyah."

                The boy crashed to the ground at Xian Pu's feet. She stared at him, wide-eyed (using the platter she still held in her hands to keep herself from seeing anything… unfortunate).

                Ku Lon regarded the boy with a mildly amused expression. "Xian Pu, go fetch that backpack I brought with me. I believe this young man needs some clothing."

                "Aiyah… Xian Pu go get." Blushing, the Amazon quickly turned away and went looking for the pack.

                Once she was outside, though, a sudden thought stopped her cold. '_Wait a minute… Akane's pet pig is a human boy__?!' Just __what was going on here?_

                Ku Lon was about ready to slap herself over the head. '_I can't believe I forgot about this one. Perhaps I really am__ going senile.' "So… you are a friend of Ranma, then?"_

                "_I am not his friend!" Ryouga shouted at the top of his lungs._

                Ku Lon winced and rubbed her poor ear. '_My my.__ Healthy set of lungs on that boy.'_

                At a more controlled volume, Ryouga continued, "It's Saotome Ranma's fault that I turn into a _pig!"_

                "Oh?" Ku Lon finished dismantling her large block of ice into thin shavings and picked up her cup, now filled to heaping, and dribbled an appropriate amount of syrup on it. "So then… you are his rival?"

                Ryouga's face darkened. "Are you _deaf, old granny? I'm his __sworn enemy!"_

                "Ah, yes. Forgive my error, please." Checking on the spread of the syrup through the ice, she glanced over at him. "I have something of a proposition then, young one… would you care to join me?"

                Ryouga looked at her sharply. "Just what do you mean?" he asked carefully.

                Setting her hands on her knees, Ku Lon turned to face him fully. "I am offering to train you."

                Ryouga stood. "Feh. Don't be absurd."

                Ku Lon raised her eyebrows. "You're walking out on me?"

                Ryouga shouldered his pack. "I'm not so weak that I need training from some old lady," he said in an almost patronizing tone, glancing back over his shoulder. "Ta ta, granny."

                Ku Lon trailed him until he reached the doorway. "All right. But come back anytime you change your mind."

                Ryouga chuckled, strolling down the hall. "Don't wait up for me."

                Ku Lon shrugged and walked back into the living room. She had shaved ice to snack on, after all, and one of those disgustingly sappy soap operas to watch while she waited for the next episode of the vastly more entertaining show that was Ranma's life – and planned her own participation.

                '_He'll be back,' she thought with a smile. Ranma had improved at an incredible rate since her arrival. If Ryouga was expecting his duel, attack, whatever-he-had-planned to proceed as had been the norm in the past, he was in for an unpleasant surprise. It doubtless would not take him long, either, to learn that she was the catalyst for Ranma's increased skills. If that wasn't good advertisement, well…_

                And the boy would be a very good challenger for Ranma. Ranma thrived on competition – so she'd give it to him. Besides, properly trained…

                Ku Lon laughed as she turned off the TV. Maybe _this was the real reason why Matriarchs rarely got personally involved in husband-hunts – it was so easy to get carried away in the excitement. If she wasn't careful, she wouldn't be bringing back __one new tribe member – she'd be dragging along a brand new village! How on earth would she explain _that_ to the Council?_

                She stepped outside and blinked. "You're still here?"

                Ryouga, standing stone-stiff in the center of the hall, turned his head – and only his head – to look at her. "Ummm… where's the door?"

                Xian Pu glanced around the door of the cellar where she sat checking the inventory. "He have very bad sense of direction!"

                "Straight down the hall to the end, the door will be on your right."

                "So, it's this way?" Ryouga asked, turning and opening the door that led upstairs to the private rooms.

                '_Matriarchs do not facefault. Matriarchs do not__ facefault,' Ku Lon thought to herself sternly. Incredibly, she even succeeded in convincing herself. Marching over, she grabbed the boy's hand. "__That, young man, is my great-granddaughter's room, and if you wish to remain intact, I suggest that you do __not go in that direction."_

                Wow. And she'd though he was red when he came out of the pot!

                "R-r-right!" the boy stammered, backing away quickly. "Ummm… this way, right?"

                Ku Lon again barely eluded a face-fault. He was pointing back the way towards the living room. '_This… goes beyond__ a bad sense of direction. I'm not sure what__ it is, though.' "__This way, young man." She towed him down the hall to the door, opened it for him, and all but set him on the doorstep._

                "Th-thank you," the boy said, still bright red. He turned and immediately strode away.

                Ku Lon hesitated for a moment, wondering if she should tell him that the Tendou Dojo – presumably his intended destination – was the other way. Then she decided that she would not say anything – but she would follow the boy. She wanted to see the results of this battle.

                Following proved to be much more difficult than she'd realized it would be. After the boy doubled back on himself for the third time, she wondered if he somehow had sensed her and was trying to shake her off his trail. After the thirteenth, she realized the truth: the boy just had no idea where he was going (or at least, how to get there). '_Very bad sense of direction, indeed._'

                Finally, she accepted that there was really no point in following the boy. The harder he tried to go in a straight line, the more random his wandering got.

                That didn't mean she was going to miss the show, however. Ryouga might be impossible to follow, but finding her teishi was as easy as checking for his aura (which, she was pleased to note, was growing both stronger and more controlled with every passing day). Eventually Ryouga _would_ find Ranma, and then the show would be on.

                Her timing proved to be impeccable. She'd just come in sight of Ranma trotting along a fence, holding a bowl with an eel inside and whistling cheerfully, when the battle cry rang out. "_PREPARE TO _DIE_, RANMA!_"

                Ranma turned and waved a greeting with his free hand, a happy grin on his face and the bowl of eels safely behind his back. "Hey, Ryouga!" he called in welcome as he hopped backwards off the fence and Ryouga went whistling by. "You're a week late!" Dropping lightly to the pavement, he continued cheerfully, "Not half-bad for you!"

                Ryouga snorted as he dropped his pack to the ground. "I've given you another week of life," he said, darkly serious. "You should be grateful." He charged, throwing a complex combination of punches. "Now _fight_!"

                "Whoa!" Ranma said, easily evading the blows. "Hey, wait a minute!" he objected, backing away in a serpentine path as he held the eel back away from Ryouga. "I hafta deliver this!"

                Ryouga pursued, a direct, straight path as compared to Ranma's gracefully curving trail. "Is that so?" he asked through gritted teeth. "Well then, if I eliminate what you need to deliver," he shouted, "you can fight with a clear conscience, can't you?"

                He lunged for the bowl, but Ranma simply moved it away. "Be careful, Ryouga!" he chided.

                Ryouga launched a flurry of kicks. "**_STOP THAT SQUIRMING!_**" he roared in frustration. Ranma hadn't even needed to retreat; he just moved around the attacks easily.

                "…" Ranma's face was puzzled. Suddenly he was right in Ryouga's face, the eel-bowl balanced on top of his head. "Tsk, tsk, Ryouga," he said. "You're gettin' slow!"

                "How _DARE_ you mock me!" the boy snarled, jabbing at Ranma's face.

                Ranma just ducked. "Man… y' really _are_ slow!" he said in clear surprise. His fist shot forward in a light punch that knocked Ryouga back a step or two, then caught the eel bowl, without even losing any water in the process. Ryouga had a look of complete astonishment as he fell backwards, tripping over the edge of the small fountain.

                "Oh! Hi, Ryouga!" a female voice called.

                Ranma, who was balancing the fishbowl idly on one finger, glanced at her – then suddenly blanched and did a double-take towards Ryouga. Ryouga himself had the most piteous look of surprise on his face when he saw the girl – surprise that changed to utter terror when his attention registered the fountain of very cold water a few inches below him. "_WAK**!**_"

                _Zip. Pinch. Screeeeeeech!_

                "Are you two fighting again?" Akane asked, walking up. She had a tennis bag slung over her shoulder, and was wearing a pretty white dress with a peach-fruit pattern. "I mean, really…"

                "What am I _s'posed_ to do?" Ranma asked, sounding a little exasperated. He was trying to juggle both his bowl and Ryouga, whom he had saved by virtue of a strong pinch on the boy's nose and now held an inch or so above the water.

                Ryouga was upside down, his legs braced against the edge of the fountain. His face had been chalk white with terror, but the pallor was quickly being replaced with the red of fury (and of a lot of blood flowing in the direction of gravity. "_DOW YOU WILL BAY!_" he shouted suddenly (well… as well as anyone could shout when they were being held by their nose). He suddenly swung his legs upward, trying to catch Ranma off-guard.

                Ranma leaned back to get out of range, but there was distinct annoyance for a moment in his face. "Ungrateful _jerk_!" he snapped, slapping Ryouga's flailing limbs with his free hand for a moment after setting the bowl carefully on the fountain edge. When he was done, poor Ryouga was a tangle, his limbs all locked together in a complicated knot. On the plus side, though, Ranma now was able to lift him to a safer distance above the water's surface.

                Ku Lon, comfortably situated out of sight on a rooftop, grinned to herself. She recalled doing a similar stunt a time or two during Ranma's attempts to get the Phoenix Pill. The surprise on her teishi's face was interesting, though. '_I do believe he hasn't realized how much better he's become,_' she decided at last. '_Understandable, I suppose; he does not have many opponents close to his level of skill. This Ryouga must be one of the few people who can match him – or rather, he _was.'

                "Well, when you're done, we need to get home," Akane said after an awkward moment. "What are you doing, anyway?"

                "Ah, th' Doc wanted me t' give this eel t' Kasumi," Ranma explained, bending down and picking up the bowl. Ryouga fumed and opened his mouth, presumably to shout something – then apparently remembered what was underneath him, should Ranma let go. He whimpered and began to shake.

                Akane noticed. A frown starting to tug at the corners of her mouth, she began walking forward. Before she said anything, though, Ranma shoved the bowl into her hands. "Here, hold this f'r a minute while I get 'im straightened out."

                "Straightened out?" she asked incredulously. "More like 'unknotted'!"

                Ranma shrugged and finally moved Ryouga away from the fountain and set him down, using his free hand to make sure that Ryouga didn't hit the ground too hard. Then he finally released the lost boy's nose. Ryouga huffed loudly through his nostrils a few times, presumably to un-pinch them, and opened his mouth once again to rail at Ranma.

                "_YEEE-OWTCH!_"

                "Ranma…!"

                "Look, I'm doin' th' best I can, okay?" Ranma snapped, trying to work Ryouga's arm out of the tangle. "I've been _in_ this b'fore, but I got myself out! Ryouga, wouldja please _relax_? I can't getcha out if y're all stiffened up!"

                "_RANMA, YOU WILL PAY FOR THIS HUMILIATION! _OW!"

                "Oops. Hang on a sec…"

                Ranma bent closely over the poor tangled-up lost boy, a line forming on his brow as he frowned in concentration. Ku Lon sat back and waited. It was _possible_ to untangle someone from that pose, but not without cooperation. As Ranma had discovered when she'd pulled the stunt on him, in the end it was easier to simply work oneself free.

                "There!" Ranma said victoriously, finally managing to work one of Ryouga's arms half-free.

                "_OOOOOOOWWWWWWW!_"

                Ranma ignored the lost boy's howl as he grinned in relief – apparently he had been thinking that he was never going to be able to unknot Ryouga. Unfortunately, Akane noticed the smile and misinterpreted it.

                "_STOP PICKING ON POOR RYOUGA!_" she shouted, snatching the lost boy away as she booted Ranma into the sky.

                "Owch!" Ranma exclaimed. Flipping in midair to look back at her, he shouted, "Hey! Who's pickin' on who? I was _tryin_' t' hel…"

                _Whap_. Akane had thrown her racket after him; it beaned him in the face and cut off his words.

                Ku Lon raised her eyebrow, but decided to stay where she was. A little fall like that wouldn't hurt Ranma; he dealt with them every day. She was, at the moment, much more interested in keeping an eye on Ryouga. It wouldn't do for him to wander off before she had a chance to reiterate her offer.

                "Ranma's such a jerk!" Akane grumbled several minutes later, as the light began to change color and the sun sank in the west. "He should have taken it easy on you!" The girl continued struggling with the tangle of limbs that Ryouga had become. The lost boy just lay on the tiles, unable to do anything. "Let me see… this joint goes like this…" There was a crackling sound of cartilage and Ryouga's eyes watered in pain as the knot he was in became even more of a tangle. "Or was it like this?" the girl said uncertainly, trying to reverse what she'd done unsuccessfully. "Oh, I don't know!"

                She looked down at the lost boy. "Anyway, Ryouga… I think it would be best for you not to challenge Ranma anymore."

                Ryouga stiffened up again and raised his head a bit to look at the girl.

                "He doesn't realize it," Akane explained, "but from all those fights with Shampoo's great-grandmother, he's gotten much stronger and faster." She looked at him sympathetically. "So, really, it'd be for the best if…"

                Ryouga, meanwhile, had gotten a haunted, almost panicky look on his face. The next moment, he shouted wordlessly and somehow managed to flip himself over. His limbs were still in an incredible knot, but his hands protruded and had some mobility. "_I WON'T HAVE IT!_" he screamed, tears on his face as his hands slapped the pavement.

                Akane stared after him open-mouthed as he zoomed away using his hands for feet. "Wha… Ryouga…?!"

                Ku Lon quickly hopped along the rooftops after the boy, intent on keeping him in her line of sight. She'd been thoroughly impressed by his ability to get lost earlier, and it wouldn't do to lose track of him now. Despite her best efforts, however, the boy was long gone by the time she managed to catch up with him.

                Ku Lon sighed. '_Oh well. He'll show up again eventually. And with luck, he won't attack Nabiki and Ranma on their way to the Chinese lessons._' She mentally juggled benefits against drawbacks. She had intended to stand by while Xian Pu began her first real attempt at teaching, but she had a feeling that catching the lost boy was a matter of opportunity. For now, at least, he was in Nerima. But if she didn't find him before he began walking again, then it would probably be a matter of weeks before she could supply Ranma with a suitable opponent.

                Ku Lon sighed and shrugged. At last she decided that Xian Pu would have to manage herself. It was a gesture of trust that she was not entirely certain the girl had earned, but perhaps the responsibility would be helpful in maintaining Xian Pu's control. Besides, Nabiki would be there, and Ku Lon trusted that the middle Tendou daughter would keep things from getting too far out of hand. After a quick stop to pick up the boy's dropped and forgotten backpack, she began methodically searching for him, going to each of the places safest for someone to untangle themselves, and scanning for the brazen feel of his aura as she went.

                Then she remembered who she was looking for and just started looking in random places. It was faster.

                Any other day, and Ku Lon's faith in Xian Pu's restraint might have been ill-placed. However, that evening Xian Pu had a plan – and for once, it was _not_ to seduce Ranma.

                '_That Tendou girl might be my rival,_' she thought to herself as she put away the mop and locked the door to the restaurant, '_but no woman should be tricked into taking a man into her bed, even if he's an animal at the time_.' She sighed and ran a hand through her hair, wondering if there was any way she could wear it that was cooler. She loved her hair, inherited from her mother, but there were times that she wished it was shorter, or at least not as thick. The high heat of summer definitely was one of those times.

                '_Airen__ knows something_,' she thought. '_His reaction when he thought _I'd_ cooked the pig didn't leave much room for doubt. But why hasn't he told Akane?_'

                It couldn't have been out of spite, or shame, or callousness. If Ranma had been that sort of person, Xian Pu would never have fallen so hard for him. He may not have gotten along well with Akane, but he still watched out for her.

                So obviously, something was up. Xian Pu had every intention of figuring out what that something was.

                Finally, a light knock on the side door signaled the arrival of her new students. A cold sweat began beading on Xian Pu's forehead as she realized that she had something else to worry about. She nibbled her lip nervously before remembering the plan she'd laid out for herself the day before.

                "/Come in!\" she called, in Chinese. Then she added, "That mean 'come in'. Xian Pu no translate again, so remember!"

                "Right." Nabiki opened the door and walked briskly in. Behind her came Xian Pu's intended, looking distracted, slightly annoyed and distinctly wet and female.

                "Ladle-woman have too too perfect timing again?" she asked sympathetically. She'd run across the scourge of the street a time or two herself. The old lady's timing was never anything short of phenomenal, and she was so innocent that no amount of danger sense in the world could save a Jusenkyou victim from an accidental transformation.

                "Nah, jus' Akane," Ranma said with a shrug, squeezing out a little water from her shirt. "Nailed me with a bucket. Again."

                "You weren't exactly being a paragon of manners yourself, Ranma," Nabiki chided, fanning herself and looking like _she_ wouldn't mind a bucket of cold water being dumped on her head.

                "Wha'!? All I said was tha' I was lookin' forward t' dinner!"

                "Hmph. Pervert-girl probably think Airen looking forward to Xian Pu, not dinner," Xian Pu said. She smiled and indicated the bowls that she'd set out. "/Dinner is ready, though,\" she added in Chinese.

                Ranma blinked. Nabiki blinked. Then Ranma tentatively asked, "Ummm… does that mean dinner's ready?"

                "Yes, is good. Xian Pu explain lessons while eat, yes?"

                "Works for me," Nabiki said, inhaling deeply as she sat. "Wow. I'm getting a _great_ deal on those pictures. Chinese lessons _and_ free eats. Life is good."

                Xian Pu chuckled as she sat down. "Is good, yes, Xian Pu agree. Nibble-girl not think so in hour, though, Xian Pu thinking." She looked at her Airen. "Is hot water in kitchen."

                "Wait," Nabiki said. "I was thinking about this on our way here. Maybe it would be for the best if Ranma stayed in girl-form during out lessons." She held out a hand to forestall Ranma's objection. "If we do that," she explained, "Akane will be much less likely to jump down Ranma's throat. She put up with Ranma working here during the Cat's Tongue fiasco, after all."

                Xian Pu pouted. She wanted her handsome husband (to-be) back. On the other hand, Nabiki had a good point. On the third-hand-that-she-didn't-really-have-but-was-theoretically-acceptable-for-the-purposes-of-listing-alternatives… "Hmph. That no help, Nibble-girl. Pervert girl be _more_ jealous that Xian Pu around girl-Ranma. She have too too dirty mind."

                Nabiki snickered. "As her family, I should object to that. As her sister, I'm laughing my tush off." She turned to Ranma. "Well, Saotome? Are you willing to stay in girl-form here?"

                Ranma hesitated, but finally flopped down in the chair with a sigh. "Ah, fine, whatever," she said dismissively.

                "Is good," Xian Pu said. "Lessons go like so: Xian Pu talk, use certain Chinese words. Nabiki and Ranma use words Xian Pu uses. If no understand, guess. Xian Pu use only one or two words at first, but as learn voc… volca… as learn more words…"

                "Vocabulary," Nabiki supplied.

                "Thank you. As learn more vocabulary, use more words. Need vocabulary to advance."

                "What I don't get is why th' ol' ghoul wants me t' learn Chinese," Ranma said, picking up her chopsticks.

                "Xian Pu think is for training," Xian Pu said, mentally wincing. She _wished_ someone would help _her_ with her Japanese. She hated going around sounding like some sort of… _featherhead_! "Great-Grandmother have many books for training, but all in Chinese."

                Ranma perked up. "Kinda like th' one she lent me?"

                "Much same."

                Ranma resumed eating, a thoughtful expression on his face.

                Nabiki pushed the conversation for a while, until Ranma roused from his thoughts and rejoined the conversation. Finally, however, Xian Pu decided that if she was ever going to get an answer for her earlier questions, she was going to have to ask them now.

                "Nibble-girl?" she said abruptly, standing up and interrupting a recitation from the Japanese girl regarding a story she'd seen on the news. "Xian Pu need talk with Ranma in private. Is okay?"

                Nabiki frowned slightly. "As long as you stay in sight. I'm supposed to be making sure that no 'funny stuff' happens, remember. But I won't eavesdrop."

                "Is good." Xian Pu grabbed Ranma's hand and tugged the smaller girl after her into the storage room. It was well-lit and they were in plain sight, but Nabiki wouldn't overhear.

                "Xian Pu see something very… interesting today," Xian Pu said, trying to pick her words carefully.

                "Whacha mean?"

                So Xian Pu told him about the events of that afternoon. Ranma was very quiet as she explained, and then said, "Look… y' haven't told anybody 'bout this, have ya?"

                "No. Xian Pu want know full story before pounding perverted lost-boy into pizza with pork topping."

                Ranma winced. "Ummm… well, see… it's kinda like this…"

                After hearing the entire story, Xian Pu coolly and logically made her judgement. "So pig-pervert not just use curse to sneak into Akane's bed, but accuse Airen of having no honor and force Ranma make promise to no tell, then use promise against Airen so Airen no can warn girl." She scowled. "Is so?"

                "Uh… yeah, that's pretty much it."

                "No be worried, Ranma. Xian Pu no make pizza of pig-pervert."

                Ranma sighed in relief. Ryouga may have been a pain, but even he didn't deserve a Righteously Angry Amazon warrioress coming after him. His embarrassment would incapacitate him before he could even try to defend himself. Then Ranma's mind began letting off a warning siren regarding Xian Pu's wording, and he felt a cold sweat beginning to bead on his forehead. "Ummm… so you're not gonna hurt 'im fer bein' pathetic, then?"

                "No. Xian Pu make pig-pervert sauce. Pounding into pizza not do enough damage." She cracked her knuckles.

                "W-w-wait! Wait!" Ranma grabbed Xian Pu's arm. "Don't kill 'im!"

                Xian Pu's scowl deepened briefly, but then she looked at the pleading look on her intended's adorable face, which finally persuaded her to stand down… temporarily. "Airen need good argument for pig-pervert. Amazon womans no like man that take advantage of girl or misuse honor of others."

                "Uh… ummm…" Ranma released Xian Pu's arm and briefly buried her hands in her unruly bangs as she racked her brain for an answer. "Uh… look, it's not all Ryouga's fault, see? I mean… Look, he ain't _tryin__'_ t' feel Akane up or nothin', he jus' don' know what t' do 'round a cu… a normal girl that treats him nicely. Right? So Akane is nice t' him, an' he's kinda got a crush on 'er now."

                Xian Pu continued frowning. "He have strange way of showing so."

                Ranma sighed. "Look, Xian Pu. I don't like what he's doin' anymore 'n you do. But I'm kinda responsible, y' see? I can't just go runnin' around rattin' that he's got 'is curse. Heck, I'm half-way breakin' my promise just talkin' t' you, an' you already know 'bout all this. I'd fix this if I could, but I can't. My hands are tied." In an unintentionally ironic gesture that contradicted her words, Ranma spread her hands helplessly.

                "Xian Pu's hands no tied." She cracked her knuckles again to emphasize the statement.

                Ranma was sweating up a storm now. "L-look… How 'bout we talk 'bout this with yer great-grandmother first?"

                Xian Pu frowned, but finally sighed. Obviously Ranma had her – his – reasons for wanting to protect the boy from what was coming to him. For now, at least, Xian Pu would accede. "Is agreed. Great-grandmother more creative about punishment anyway."

                "Erk."

                "/Let's go back, now,\" Xian Pu said authoritatively, and she walked back to Nabiki, leaving Ranma to follow.

                In the end, it was not her skills at tracking that led Ku Lon to Ryouga, it was her ears.

                **_Whak_****_. "Damn you!!" _****_Whak_****_. "__Damn you!" _****_Whak. "__DAMN you!" _****_WHAK! "__DAMN YOU, RANMA!"_**

                Ku Lon followed the trail of crumbling fist-sized craters in the cement wall next to the road to the source of the loud shouts. Finally, when Ryouga paused to try to calm himself, she said casually, "So… It looks as though your battle did not proceed as expected. A pity; you were so eager for it."

                As Ryouga slowly straightened and turned, withdrawing his fists from the crumbling cement, she continued, "I was just thinking about how I'd like to talk to you again…"

                Ryouga's eyes and smile were calculating. "Funny…" he said slowly, "I was just thinking the same thing…"

                Ku Lon handed him his backpack. "Well then. Why don't we take a stroll and discuss things?"

                "I can't believe you."

                "What's buggin' ya now?"

                "I _was watching, you know. You spend all this time running away from Shampoo as fast as you can – then you start clinging to her like that? Do you have something to tell me, Saotome?"_

                "C'mon, Nabiki! I was just tryin' ta keep her from killin' somebody, 'kay?"

                Nabiki smirked at Ranma knowingly. (Actually, she knew that he – or rather, she – wasn't lying; Ranma was a terrible liar. But it was fun to tease him/her.) "Indeed. And just who might that somebody be?"

                "Sorry. Clas… cass… ah! Classified information." Before Nabiki could reply to that startling statement, Ranma turned the tables on her, or at least tried. "'sides, you were talkin' pretty close w' her yourself. What'd she want, anyway?"

                Nabiki closed her mouth. She was still thinking about that conversation, and she definitely didn't want to talk about it with Ranma. For one thing, she might let slip that Xian Pu had frankly surprised her. The girl's Japanese was so bad that it was dangerously easy to tag her as a floozy or a ditz, someone whose head only served as a place to put her hair.

                For that matter, Nabiki almost wished her assumption had been accurate. As it was, Xian Pu's prediction regarding the lessons had come true. She had been completely serious about simply speaking Chinese and letting them sort it out, then correcting them when they made errors. The method was harsh, fast, effective, and it had left Nabiki with a headache that would probably require an Aspirin the size of Tokyo to cure. If this was anything like what Ranma went through in order to learn new techniques… Well, Nabiki was just glad she'd found another path in life, rather than study the family's martial arts. Self-defense was a good thing to know, but she drew the line at self-torture.

                '_On the other hand, I not only asked__ for these lessons, I bargained for them… Rats.'_

                Blithely ignorant of Nabiki's thoughts, Ranma strolled on ahead. She had just reached the door when…

                "BOY! WHERE ARE YOU?"

                "Mrghfl!" That articulate expression was due to the face that Ranma currently had a mouth full of yard. "Gerroffame!" Nabiki blinked at the spectacle of the Saotome patriarch standing on the back of the (currently female) son he was looking for, and decided not to make any jokes. Ranma had that particular ominous look about her that foreboded lots of pain for Genma in the very near future.

                "BOY! ENOUGH OF THIS FOOLISHNESS! HOW DARE YOU SPITE YOUR FATHER SO!"

                Nabiki could almost see the lightning beginning to spark as Genma's landing pad got up suddenly, spilling the heavy man on the ground. "O…ya…jiiiiiiii…!"

                Genma, displaying the stellar observational skills and wisdom, ignored the heavy weight in the air. "There you are! Get packed, boy!" Producing a steaming kettle from somewhere, he doused Ranma with the not-quite-boiling water.

                Nabiki winced, but Ranma just scowled and pulled his dripping bangs out of his face. "What for, Pops?"

                "You're getting soft! It's time you did some serious training again!"

                Ranma blinked and pointed at himself. "Hey, oyaji, aren'cha gettin' a little mixed up? I ain't been gettin' soft, I've been gettin' better. I just bumped inta Ryouga t'day, an' he didn't even come close t' me."

                Genma frowned, and Nabiki blinked in surprise. "Whoa… he's actually serious," she commented to herself, out loud. There was a stern authority about the way he drew himself up and crossed his arms.

                "Ranma," he said firmly, "a true martial artist does not rest on his laurels. That boy will come back stronger than before, and if you simply allow yourself to stagnate at your current level, you will be defeated soundly."

                Ranma also drew himself up, and Nabiki noted with some surprise that his expression matched Genma's in solemnity. '_Whoa._' "I know that, Oyaji. But I'm learnin' things here…"

                "Enough! No more discussion!" Genma declared. "We will set out tomorrow!" Turning, the man walked inside. Ranma shook his head and followed. Nabiki trailed in slowly behind them, still thinking.

                '_What's gotten into Uncle Saotome, anyway? He's been touchy lately, and now this. I've never seen him so serious. For a minute there, he actually looked like someone to be respected… Brrr. Now _that's_ a scary thought._'

                Then, of course, she walked in on Kasumi and Soun shanghaiing Akane into accompanying the Saotome training trip as cook. '_Oh. Of course. Match-making. For that, Uncle Saotome will do _anything_ – even pretend to be respectable._'

                She started up the stairs, then froze. '_Waitaminnit__… Akane as COOK? Uh-oh… Maybe I'd better warn him… on the other hand, Akane might overhear me… Oh well. Sorry, Saotome. You're on your own. Trust me… I feel your pain…_'

                Poor guy.

(A.N. – Again, apologies for the slow update. I'm currently on my very, very, very last week of high school, and the schedule is murder. Ah well.

_                Akane didn't get a lot of screen time, did she? Oops. Ah well. She'll show up more in the next chapter, and we might or might not make it all the way though the Bakusai Tenketsu. We'll certainly see more of Ku Lon, and we'll also _finally_ get around to Ku Lon's rival (I meant for that part to be in this, but the Ranma/Ryouga fight took longer than I'd thought it would)._

_                We also have quite a tangle of loose ends waiting to trip people up. Nabiki still has her contract to get some background on the Saotomes, Ranma is learning Chinese, Xian Pu and Nabiki have had a secretive conversation. Xian Pu also knows about Ryouga's curse, and… well, Ryouga isn't going to thank Ranma for protecting him, but at least now Ranma has convinced her to wait for Ku Lon._

_                Regarding Xian Pu's reaction: hey, it made sense to me. Turning a blind eye to a situation like P-chan seems as out of character for the Amazons as using a girl as a prize in a contest._

_                Well, Ryouga's here, now. I henceforth extend a plea to my readers: _make sure I'm being fair to him_. You see, I have mixed feelings about Ryouga. On one hand, I kinda like him – he's a powerful warrior, he's a good ally for Ranma, and most of the time he seems to be a true-hearted, honest warrior (especially in book 38). However, those are his good points. What makes me dislike him is the fact that he's moderately psychopathic (but then again, most people are in Ranma 1/2) and hypocritical. Look at it! He calls Ranma honorless, then takes advantage of Ranma's promise to not reveal his curse. (Not necessarily by sneaking into Akane's bed as P-chan, but I do count _attacking_ Ranma as P-chan. After all, if Ranma tries to defend himself, he calls down the Wrath of Akane on himself.) He calls Ranma a cad, when Ryouga is actively pursuing an engaged girl and yet is easily turned aside in his devotion by just about any pretty face._

_                huffs Okay, I'm done ranting. ^_^ What I was trying to say is, I have mixed feelings about Ryouga, but the negative side tends to be dominant. _Don't_ let me throw him so far out of character he couldn't touch it with a ten-foot pole, please. I don't want to make Ryouga out to be a saint _or_ a villain. Similarly with pretty much most of the cast._

_                That doesn't mean I can't mock them in the spirit of good fun, on the other hand. :-P_

_                Next chapter: Training and testing, a rival acknowledged, and mistakes made and recognized. Expect it to be out in a week or two. Maybe sooner! _School's almost over! School's almost over!__

_                Ahem. Gomen nasai for that little side-note._

_                Oh, and by the way – thank you for the links to Ranma mp3's. I have a nice long playlist to use for mood-music now. ^____^_

_                Many, many, _many_ thanks to the people leaving reviews. Please! Keep it up! It bears repeating that reviews are a good way of encouraging someone to keep writing. So, comment, critique, read and review!)_


	11. SENSEI Chapter Ten

STICKS AND CARROTS

Part One: Sensei

Chapter Ten

                The waterfall thundered down the cliff like… well, like something that thunders very loudly. The river had washed away much of the topsoil in its immediate vicinity, leaving huge stones scattered throughout the region in small and large clusters. A short distance upstream of the waterfall, for instance, there was an area with a few tall, powerful trees – everything else was hard stone.

                "Before we begin, I want to see you shatter this boulder," Ku Lon said, indicating a particularly gargantuan stone with her staff.

                Ryouga _hmph_ed and cracked his knuckles. "And here I was wondering what kind of arduous training you were going to put me through," he said in a bored voice.

                "Mighty confident, aren't we?" Ku Lon said noncommittally. She already knew he was going to fail, but she figured it wouldn't hurt to let him try.

                Ryouga smirked. "**_YES_**!" he roared, slamming his fist into the stone. The stone shuddered and broke, two nearly equal halves falling apart from each other. Ryouga turned to Ku Lon with a self-assured smile. "How's that?" he asked, shaking his hand to get rid of the rock dust.

                Ku Lon arched an eyebrow. "Fine. Except that I didn't say, '_Split_ it,'" she said, to Ryouga's open surprise. "I said I wanted to see you _shatter_ it. Like this." She walked forwards and poked the stone with her finger.

                **_CHOOOOOM_**! Gravel and rock dust went flying as the boulder seemingly exploded. Ryouga recoiled in surprise, though his feet remained as solid as though he'd been planted in the stone, and he desperately batted away the flying stones that happened to come in his direction.

                Ku Lon turned to him and smiled. "Care to learn that trick?"

                Ryouga stared at her in astonishment. "And here I thought _nothing_ could shock me more than your _face_!"

                GRRR! Ku Lon jumped up and delivered a solid blow to his head. "That's quite enough," she said sternly. "Watch your mouth, boy!"

                Ryouga grimaced and rubbed the lump on the top of his head. "So how does one learn this 'trick', granny?" he asked.

                "Painfully," Ku Lon replied, remembering her own training. "Very painfully." She smiled. It was not a nice smile.

                "…gulp."

                '_I should have guessed this was coming_,' Ku Lon thought wryly as she bounded through the trees in the area around the cliff, trying to hone in on Ryouga's aura. '_Note to self: never leave that boy alone if you want to find him when you get back._'

                The sound of voices brought the presence of other people to her attention. Ku Lon lightly bonked herself on the head for being so carelessly focused on Ryouga that she hadn't bothered to check for others. Shaking her head, she redirected her attention to her surroundings.

                Interesting. That large black-and-white shape in a crane stance on top of a pine could only be one person… and the aura… yep. Definite match.

                If Genma was here, that meant Ranma was… so where…

                "Are ya crazy, oyaji? What kinda advantage are ya gonna get way up there?" Ah, there he was, a shadow crouched in the branches of a nearby tree, slightly below the level of the panda.

                [What?] Where _did_ he get those signs from, anyway? He didn't write them (although the handwriting was certainly bad enough to fool almost anyone), but Ku Lon couldn't figure out where they were when he didn't need them or where they went when he was done. [Oh, the shame!] Flip. [My worthless son has forgotten all that I've taught him] – flip again; how _did_ he manage to get a completely new side on the second flip of a two-sided sign? – [about the importance of taking the high ground!]

                "I remember it." Even at that distance, Ku Lon could clearly make out Ranma's smirk. The boy didn't just emote with his face – his whole body went into his expressions. "An' I remember somethin' else, too – never take th' high ground when it ain't gonna hold ya."

                Genma learned the meaning of his son's words then. The slim, whippy top of the pine tree creaked a final whimper of protest against the weight of the panda, then fell with a _crack_.

                "Growf!" Genma yelped as he fell.

                "WA HA HA HA!" Ranma laughed, ignoring the dark glare his father aimed in his direction. "Baka oyaji!"

                Seeing a panda go gracefully and effortlessly airborne was just one of those totally weird things that no one ever expects to see, even when they know better. Seeing a panda go gracefully and effortlessly airborne while brandishing a sign from nowhere reading [Fool boy! Do not let your guard down!] was only slightly weirder.

                It was also one of those things that you had to accustom yourself to if you wanted to live in Nerima.

                "Hah!" Ranma also leapt into the air, and the two bounced around among the branches, exchanging blows at a speed that would boggle the mind of anyone but a martial artist. "C'mon, old man, at least try t' make this _challengin_'!"

                Genma landed briefly – this time on a sturdier branch. [Your cockiness will be your downfall, boy!]

                Ranma alighted on a perch of his own for the barest of moments before spring-boarding upward from it. "Doncha start _that_ again! If y're gonna lecture me, I'm off t' camp."

                Genma shot upwards after Ranma, launching an attack that forced the boy to a defensive stance as they descended. [No you don't!] the sign that he flung up as his first assault read. [You will not eat until I have declared an end to the training!]

                "Yeah, yeah, like that's gonna happen," Ranma snorted. He slipped in a kick as Genma held up another sign – Ku Lon didn't get a chance to read it – and sent the panda careening through the trees as Ranma touched down lightly to the ground. Undeterred, Genma shot upward again in a black and white blur, and Ranma came up to meet him. "Why th' heck didja bring her along, anyway?"

                The skirmish ended as the panda landed on a branch and, glaring, pulled out a sign. [No complaints! Besides, men don't cook!]

                "Then waddaya call whatcha been doin' th' last ten years?" Ranma asked sarcastically, landing lightly on a branch a short distance from Ku Lon.

                Ku Lon smiled to herself. Ranma was making the same mistake she had a few minutes ago, of focusing completely on his opponent and not remaining on his guard against another possible challenger. This needed fixing.

                "Well, teishi! Are you training here, too?" she asked, jumping forward. She poked him in the side, right at a ticklish spot.

                "WAK!" Ranma nearly folded backwards, trying to protect the sensitive area. His legs slipped down from the branch, until his knees were hooked on it. He flipped downwards, releasing his legs at the bottom of his swing to spin in midair and land on a slightly lower branch, facing her. "Wha' th' heck… what are _you_ doin' here, ol' ghoul?"

                Genma flung a sign at his son reading, [Don't ignore me, boy!]

                Ku Lon, who was closer to the trajectory of the sign, absently knocked it out of the air. "Probably much the same thing as you, child," she said.

                Ranma raised an eyebrow and tensed, apparently waiting for Ku Lon to make the first move. Ku Lon decided she would not oblige him and simply waited. "Well?" he asked after a minute. "So y're trainin'?"

                "What else?" she smirked and shook her staff at him mockingly. "But I suggest that you train exceptionally hard, teishi. You'll need that extra training – soon!"

                Ranma grinned. "Oh, I will. Trust me."

                "For your sake, I hope so!" Ku Lon sprang away into the trees, cackling. What perfect timing! If Ranma was here, then there was no need to delay the duel between him and Ryouga. They could see the results of the training immediately and directly.

                Ku Lon paused when she reached the ground in a clearing. She'd stopped cackling. Instead, a slow, delighted laugh was bubbling inside of her. She threw back her head and let it out, loud and victorious. "YES!"

                '_It _was_ there! I didn't imagine it!_'

                Respect. Perhaps unintentional, perhaps grudging – but there had been respect in Ranma's bearing when he'd seen her. She'd crossed the first hurdle. Ranma really did have respect for her, at some level. And not just respect for a challenging opponent, although that constituted the majority of it – but respect for knowledge, for skill, and for ability to teach.

                Ku Lon abandoned dignity for a moment and danced a jig.

                Then she stopped, suddenly. A chill had come over the clearing, and she became aware that something was not right in her surroundings. She slowly turned, scanning the trees with every sense available.

                At length, she noticed the panda. Genma was standing almost completely hidden in the trees, watching her. Ku Lon knew that he'd seen her looking for him, so she didn't bother pretending that she hadn't noticed. Instead, she met his gaze eye to eye, challengingly.

                Genma simply stared at her. Ku Lon couldn't tell what he was thinking; the panda-face might as well have been a mask.

                "Yes?" she said shortly.

                The panda simply stared at her. Finally, Genma turned. "Growf!" he said decisively, before trundling his clumsy mass away.

                Ku Lon blinked. And blinked again. "That was… odd," she said at last.

                Then she slapped herself over the forehead. "Alright, _now_ who's the idiot?" she demanded, jumping up. In the excitement, she'd forgotten about finding Ryouga. She couldn't very well have a duel without one of the duelists, could she?

                Finally, after several hours, she found him. Ryouga was sitting at a camp attempting to eat something – some form of curry, if Ku Lon wasn't mistaken, although the array of ingredients surrounding the pot made her doubt her conclusion. Vinegar? Mayonnaise and sugar? What sort of concoction would include all of those?

                Sitting with him was Akane, looking on anxiously as Ryouga twitched, spasmed, and bent the spoon in two with his powerful grip.

                "N-N-NEVER IN MY L-LIFE HAVE I TASTED ANYTHING S-S-S-SO EXQUISITE!" Ryouga shouted, his eyes bugging and the veins standing out in stark relief.

                '_Exquisitely _painful_ would be more appropriate, I think…_' Ku Lon thought wryly, shaking her head. Apparently, the boy had a wee little bit of worship for the Tendou girl – worship enough that anything from her would seem heavenly.

                "Oh, that's good!" Akane cried with relief. "I _knew_ the mayonnaise and sugar would help!"

                _Whumph_.

                Akane and Ryouga turned to see Ranma, who was doing an admirable job of controlling his spasms after sampling a bit of the concoction itself. (Meaning that he was only twitching slightly on the ground, rather than writhing in terrible contortions.)

                Akane did her patented Glare. "Ranma! Who said _you_ could have any?!" she demanded, snatching the plate away from him as though taking a treat away from a disobedient child.

                Freed from the baleful influence of the fumes, Ranma managed to drag himself up to his hands and knees, still gagging. "D… D… Do you t-taste it before you s-serve it?" he finally managed to gasp out.

                Akane blinked at him. "No, why?"

                Ranma stared incredulously at her for a moment. "I suggest you _do_! _Please_!"

                Akane shouted into his face, "Are you saying it's _bad_?!"

                Ranma shouted back, "Just try it for yourself and see!"

                A terribly mangled spoon broke the confrontation when it bounced off Ranma's head. The two turned to face Ryouga, who had thrown it. "I will not sit quietly and listen to this," he said shortly, although to Ku Lon's eyes he didn't look like he was up to even standing quite yet, let alone making threats.

                Ranma looked at him coolly. "You pickin' a fight?" he asked.

                "Please don't, Ryouga," Akane said quickly, apparently sensing the building tension. "_You_ said it was good, and that's what counts! He hasn't hurt me."

                Safely out of the attention of the two for a moment, Ranma rolled his eyes. Then he shrugged and assumed a bored expression. "Well, I don't like t' pick on people…"

                Ryouga's eyes blazed with rage. "_PICK ON_?! ARE YOU IMPLYING THAT I'M WEAK?!" He lunged towards Ranma. "_WHY YOU…_!!"

                '_Oops. Mustn't let the fight start prematurely_,' Ku Lon thought, jumping out of hiding. She quickly nailed Ryouga with a blow to the back, knocking him flat and out like a light.

                Ranma and Akane, both of whom had jumped to their feet when Ryouga had begun his attack, blinked at her. "Wha…? Ol' ghoul?" Ranma said in surprise, blocking her chiding bonk on the head by reflex.

                Ku Lon smiled. "He should be ready to challenge you in one week," she said by way of explanation. "Make sure you're prepared for a formidable fight!" Picking up the lost boy, she carried him away back towards the camp.

                She realized that she was being followed shortly afterward. Her pursuer was small but relatively clumsy, and definitely not accustomed to moving in wilderness surroundings.

                "Did you wish to speak with me in private, miss Tendou?" she asked, turning.

                Akane stumbled out of the bushes a moment later. "Ummm… you see…" she said, looking embarrassed and uncertain.

                Ku Lon smiled at her to reassure her. "Or are you simply looking after Ryouga, here, to make certain I do not do him unnecessary harm in the course of his training?"

                Akane flushed, obviously embarrassed. Then the girl set her chin. "Well, at least _he_ actually _likes_ my cooking."

                '_More like he cannot turn you down_,' Ku Lon thought wryly, wondering if the girl even realized the effect she had on the lost boy. It was hard to imagine she _didn't_ – the boy really would have trouble being even _more_ obvious – but then again, teen romance just worked that way. The people involved were usually the last ones aware of what was happening.

                For a minute, Ku Lon played with the idea of encouraging the relationship. It would certainly help Xian Pu's bid if Akane clearly had affections for someone other than Ranma… but doing so involved a little too much risk. First of all, Ryouga didn't love Akane as much as he _worshipped_ her; such a relationship would be unstable and probably in the end unhealthy. No member of a couple should be able to honestly say they loved their partner more than their partner loved them, or _vice versa_. Besides, Ryouga, at least, suffered the same handicap that Ranma and Akane did. He apparently loved Akane – but was he her friend? Not yet.

                Besides, if she meddled with the relationship, chances were that Ranma would catch her at it, and her careful plans would fall to pieces.

                Realizing that the girl was waiting for a response, Ku Lon shoved the thoughts into the back of her mind and smiled at her. "Well then, so long as you do not interfere with his training, I see no reason to object." The Matriarch turned and began walking again, although this time she paced herself so that Akane could keep up.

                "Ummm… if you don't mind my asking…" Akane said tentatively, "why are you training Ryouga? I mean… I thought…"

                "Ranma is my student," Ku Lon said, guessing what the girl was trying to ask. "He remains my primary concern. However, that does not mean that I may not take on other students as the inclination takes me."

                "But… aren't you training him to _fight_ Ranma?" Akane looked confused.

                "Of course I am," Ku Lon said cheerfully. "A rivalry is perhaps one of the best ways for a student to learn. It pushes the rivals to constantly improve and challenge each other. As long as the relationship is kept healthy – a friendly rivalry rather than a destructive one – then there isn't much that can beat a rivalry in terms of swift training."

                Akane looked uncertain, but she said, "Well… I suppose so…"

                "Surely you have experienced this yourself?" Ku Lon said in surprise.

                Akane sniffed. "And who would be _my_ rival, then?"

                "Xian Pu. Your sisters. Your friends at school. A student at another school." Ku Lon gave her a penetrating look. "Even Ranma. Surely you have competed against someone at some time or another."

                Akane blinked and worked her mouth without saying anything for several long moments before finally stammering, "But that's competition, not a rivalry… The last, at any rate. Why would I fight with my sisters, anyway? And Ranma's just a jerk! And Xian Pu…" She shut her mouth quickly, apparently realizing that bad-mouthing the great-granddaughter of the woman she was talking to might not be the brightest idea in the world.

                Ku Lon smiled. "Rivalry _is_ competition, child – personal competition between individuals. It also deserves to be encouraged, as long as it pushes the competitors to improve." She looked up. "Ah – here we are. You may set up camp over there, if you like, but I doubt we shall use it much. If Ryouga is to be ready in a week, then there is hardly time to stop and rest!"

                "Why do I have to be tied up??" Ryouga demanded, as Ku Lon checked the knots again.

                "Because the Bakusai Tenketsu is learned by restricting the movements," Ku Lon said, beginning to haul him up off the ground with a pulley. "You must defend yourself from the swinging boulder using _only_ your free finger."

                Ryouga looked as his one free hand, wrapped in a handkerchief with only the pointer finger still loose, and then looked at the huge boulder Ku Lon had somehow contrived to get into the air. Then he blanched slightly as he was pulled off the ground and began swinging slightly.

                Akane watched from the sidelines. "Ryouga…" she said with concern, looking back and forth from the fanged boy to the humongous boulder. "Are you sure…?"

                "I'm ready, old woman!" Ryouga announced, breathing deeply to steady himself as Ku Lon tied off the rope.

                Ku Lon chuckled as she jumped down to join Akane at the sidelines. "Good… because we're starting even if you aren't!"

                Akane watched, wide-eyed, as Ku Lon got behind the boulder and began winching it up. "You're going to _throw_ that at him? You'll kill him!"

                "Fear not," Ku Lon said, nodding as the boulder reached the requisite height. "This is why the student must be suspended in midair. He will swing with the boulder, should he fail the technique, and thus move with the impact." She loosed the boulder.

                "Oh… so he won't be hurt… that's a relief…" Akane said faintly as the boulder came whistling towards Ryouga, who watched it with narrowed, intense eyes.

                "I never said that…" Ku Lon said.

                **_FWAP_**.

                _Twongggg_.

                "I said it wouldn't kill him," Ku Lon said, hiding her wince of sympathy as boy and boulder swung back and forth, twirling on the ends of their ropes. If Ryouga hadn't been knocked silly by the initial impact, the dizziness of the twirling and all the blood rushing to his head due to his inverted position probably drove all thoughts right out of his head. "It will probably _hurt_ a very great deal…"

                And so the day passed.

                _SWISHHHHH…_

                "HYAAAA!"

                **_FWAP_**. _Twongggg_.

                "Again, old woman!"

                _SWISHHHHH…_

                "HYAAAA!"

                **_FWAP_**. _Twongggg_.

                "Are you trying to tickle the stone, boy?"

                "Oof! Again!"

                _SWISHHHHH…_

                "HYAYAYAYAYAAA!"

                **_FWAP_**. _Twongggg_.

                "Poking randomly won't help you either, you realize…"

                "Ugh… A-ag-gain…"

                _SWISHHHHH…_

                "HYAAAA!"

                **_FWAP_**. _Twongggg_.

                "Itetete…"

                "Don't you think that's quite enough, Ryouga? Come down and eat."

                "N-n-no! I _w-will_ m-master it… owwie…"

                "Two more tries, then we will stop for a while." Ku Lon looked at the boy's stubborn but rather flattened face and tried to hide both her amusement and her sympathy pains.

                "A-again!"

                _SWISHHHHH…_

                "HYAAAA!"

                **_FWAP_**. _Twongggg_.

                _Gasp. Gasp_. "AGAIN! Owwwwwww…"

                _SWISHHHHH…_

                "HYAAAA!"

                **_FWAP_**. _Twongggg_.

                Ku Lon hopped forward. "Not again," she said with feigned exasperation. After all, if Ryouga mastered the technique at this stage, then that would rather ruin the _true point of the training, wouldn't it?_

                She sprang up to perch atop the boulder as it and Ryouga slowly swung to a stop, with a few extra collisions on the way. "How many times must I tell you?" Ku Lon asked him. "You have to hit the _breaking point!" Her hand snapped down, and her extended index finger poked the stone under her feet._

                **_KRATCH! "Yow! Ow!" Ryouga, who at this stage was barely up to the task of moving, had no way to block the shrapnel. He got hammered._**

                Ku Lon, who had carefully maintained her grip on the rope, climbed up to the pulley and unlocked it, allowing the boy to drop to the ground and only slowing his drop slightly. Hopping down to the ground herself, Ku Lon strolled over to his side and examined him brusquely. Good; already the newer bruises were less severe than those he had received earlier in the day, although given the way they were layered on top of each other it took a highly trained eye to detect the difference. Ku Lon smiled and grabbed the back of the boy's collar, and began pulling him to the campfire.

                Second part of the endurance training: surviving Akane's cooking. Or rather, using the cooking to get him back on his feet and training that much faster as he tried to get away from it.

                "_IF YOU HATE MY COOKING SO MUCH, WHY EAT__ IT?!"_

                "…You have a point…"

                At the girl's enraged roar, Ku Lon had jumped, wondering if she'd carelessly spoken her thoughts out loud. The reply assuaged her fears, and Ku Lon felt a little smile playing on her lips as she approached. '_So.__ He followed, did he?'_

                Dragging the dazed Ryouga behind her, Ku Lon walked over, inadvertently providing a rescue service for Ranma from his own mouth. "Well, teishi – come to check up on your opponent?"

                Ranma looked up from the stones beneath the shadow of the platter Akane was preparing to bring down on his head. "Not particularly," he said, his expression impassive.

                "Oh! Ryouga!" On seeing the state that the lost boy was in, Akane rushed to gather him up – inadvertently throwing the platter into Ranma's face with considerable force. She didn't notice, being distracted by the lost boy. "Are you alright? Oh, poor Ryouga!"

                Ranma pulled the platter off his face and looked at Akane as she bent over Ryouga, holding two fingers up and asking him to tell her how many there were. (The answer she received was, "Fuchsia and lime-green plaid?") His expression was still one of cool indifference, but Ku Lon fancied she caught an edge of disappointment.

                Ku Lon hopped over and patted him on the shoulder. For once, she didn't even need her staff to reach his shoulder, as he was still sitting, although he was no longer almost flattened. "Allow the boy some attention," she said quietly to the pigtailed youth. "She has been worrying about him constantly for the past several hours."

                "Feh." Ranma rose sharply to his feet, turned on his heel and began walking away. "I'll see ya."

                Ku Lon blinked. "Weren't you here to check on us?" she asked in surprise.

                Ranma snorted, but he did look back over his shoulder. "I was just kinda worried, that's all!"

                Akane blushed slightly as she blinked. "You… you were?"

                Ranma hesitated for a moment, then turned. "Akane…"

                The girl straightened slightly. "Yes…?" she asked.

                "Try not to poison him. We have a match coming up." The moment was broken.

                Akane Fumed. Capital letter included. (Such capital-letter expressions seemed to be her specialty.) "You… You… You… _BAKA!"_

                And Ranma was off into the sky again.

                Ku Lon chuckled. "Off he runs," she said with a smile. "What a lively life you children lead." She turned and arched an eyebrow at Akane. "I believe I can trust you with the camp, then? It would not do for Ryouga to be distracted from his training at this stage."

                Behind them, said lost boy snarled. "Enough!" he said in an unsteady voice. "I will not be distracted!"

                "Oh! You're conscious!" Akane said with relief.

                "Listen, old woman," Ryouga continued. "The only thing on my mind is _defeating Ranma!"_

                Akane's expression became concerned and serious, and Ku Lon wondered what the girl was thinking. The Matriarch shook her head. The girl was at the moment only a peripheral concern to her. "If that is all," Ku Lon said, "then I will be off. I have things I wish to attend to."

                Ryouga was already distracted, eyeing the concoction bubbling in the pot with a mixture of fear and anticipation, and Akane was lost in her own thoughts. Ku Lon jumped off into the forest, in the same direction Ranma had been kicked. She had some questions that she wanted to ask her teishi before events progressed much farther.

                '_Not the least of which what exactly he's doing with that girl. He broke the mood just now very intentionally. I wonder why…'_

                She found Ranma sitting on a stone a short distance from the bottom of the waterfall, absently tossing rocks into the water. Amazingly, he had evaded the water, and was still a _he._

                "One might almost think you were intentionally sabotaging your relationship with the girl," Ku Lon said by way of greeting.

                Ranma, predictably, immediately went on the defensive. "What relationship?!"

                Ku Lon smiled amusedly at him. "Deny it all you care to, teishi, but there is no way you can hide the fact that there are some feelings between you and the Tendou girl."

                "Ah, y're just seein' things that ain't there," Ranma said dismissively, blushing brightly enough to read by.

                Ku Lon just smirked at him.

                Ranma fidgeted under her knowing gaze and quickly changed the subject. "So… what kinda technique are y' teachin' Ryouga, anyway?"

                "That… you will see when the time is right."

                Ranma looked carefully at her. "This's a test again, ain't it," he said, and it wasn't really a question. "Y' want me t' figure out this technique on m' own."

                Ku Lon crowed and clapped her hands in delight. "Well done!" she said. "You may finally be catching on to the concept of your training."

                Ranma pretended to ponder deeply. "Gee… could it be somethin' like: anythin' good c'n be better if y' make it trainin', too?"

                Ku Lon looked at him, pleasantly surprised yet again. "I am impressed, teishi. How did you figure it out?"

                Ranma just looked at her. "Two words: Anythin' Goes."

                Ku Lon slapped herself across the forehead. She was doing that a lot recently. "Ah. Now I feel foolish…" Before the boy could respond with more misdirection, the Matriarch stubbornly pulled the discussion back to where it had begun. "You still have not explained why you are intentionally attempting to alienate Akane."

                "I am not!" Ranma retorted, looking like he'd been stung.

                Ku Lon maintained her faintly scolding expression. "Whether you are attempting to or not, that is the result. Have you forgotten the suggestions I gave you while you were preparing for your duel with Mu Tzu already?"

                "Hey! I've been followin' them!" Ranma declared hotly. "I tell her th' truth, an' _then she ends up gettin' all huffy!"_

                Ku Lon's expression became more severe. "Have you forgotten what I told you? If Akane strikes at you, that means you have failed to keep your statements impersonal, and she has interpreted them as a direct insult."

                "But she does that t' everythin'!" Ranma said, plainly frustrated.

                "Then it is your responsibility to ensure that she is not given any reasons to do so," Ku Lon said implacably. "Plainly, you have not been continuing this training on your own, as I suggested."

                Ranma flushed. "Hey!" he cried. "I've been tryin'! 't's just that…"

                Ku Lon decided to lighten up a little and allowed her grim expression to soften. "Just that you have difficulty deciding what will and will not set Akane off?"

                Ranma grimaced and nodded once, shortly – barely an inward jerk of the chin, really, but close enough, and about as close as he would come to actually admitting that he was out of his depth.

                Ku Lon smiled. "Humans are like that, teishi – unpredictable and often inconsistent. You simply must try. I have faith that you will figure it out – eventually." Then she smirked. "Not," she added, as though as an afterthought, "that it won't be rather painful in the process."

                Ranma face-faulted, and Ku Lon took the opportunity to spring off into the trees again. She had another student at the moment, after all, who probably would be very grateful for a rescue right about now – even if he was too romance-dazed to realize it.

                "_WHAT?" Genma demanded. "Breaking a boulder with __one finger?!"_

                "Yeah, like I toldja," Ranma said flippantly, lounging next to the fire.

                Genma's expression was dark. "It can only be the legendary _Bakusai Tenketsu technique…" he said darkly._

                "_Bakusai Tenketsu?" Ranma asked curiously. "Breaking Point?"_

                Genma raised a single finger in the air, and light seemed to gleam from the tip as visions of destruction played out behind him. (Dramatic Storytelling technique of legendary Speechification-fu.*) "Everything on this earth, living or not, has one vulnerable point, the breaking point," he said solemnly. Whether it be boulder, frog, tree, metal, cricket… or, yes… the human body! – should the breaking point simply be struck with proper precision and force…"

                He didn't elaborate; he didn't have to. Ranma had seen what had happened to the boulder. He could imagine what would happen to him.

                Genma became even grimmer. "To teach such a lethal technique – and to your sworn enemy – I fear the old woman has turned against you, Ranma." Suddenly he lunged to his feet again, thrusting a finger at his son. "_YOU MUST RETURN TO THE TRAINING SITE AND RESCUE YOUR FIANCÉE FROM HER EVIL…"_

                _Msh. "Pha. Pull th' other one, oyaji," Ranma snorted, removing his foot from his father's face. "'t's just trainin'. 'sides, so what? 'f he can't touch me, he can't hurt me. No sweat."_

                Genma simply rose, popped his knuckles, and picked up a face-net and a bokken. "We'll see about that…" He said, batting a bee nest at the boy.

                "WAK!"

                And the days passed.

                _SWISHHHHH…_

                "HEEE-YAAAA!" _Poke-poke-poke-poke-poke._

                **_THUD!_**

                "Still not good enough!" Ku Lon snapped, as the boulder swung back again. "You cannot find the breaking point if you are distracted, boy! Clear your mind of all other thoughts!"

                "I don't have anything else on my mind!" Ryouga snarled.

                "…" Ku Lon spun the boulder around and let the indents forming the kanji of Akane's name speak for her. Ryouga stared incredulously at it.

                While he was so distracted, Ku Lon palmed a small shard of rock and flung it into the woods. There was a sound indicating an impact with something incredibly dense and yet hollow, and a panda went rolling away down the hill, desperately waving a sign proclaiming, [I'm just a cute, cuddly indigenous panda!] as it went.

                The racket drew Ryouga out of his daze. "W-what was that?" he asked.

                "Just a local nuisance," Ku Lon replied, wondering absently what the heck was wrong with Genma. She could understand why Ranma would want to spy on them – after all, often the counters to a technique could be found by studying the training. But there'd been no sign of the pig-tailed boy. Instead, Genma was spying on them – or attempting to. Ku Lon couldn't help but wonder why the man was insisting on using his cursed form. A panda wasn't exactly inconspicuous, and certainly made for an easier target.

                And every time she caught him looking her direction, his expression was fit to kill, actually. Rather impressive, really, considering how immobile the panda's face was.

                There was a sleepy yawn from the tent set up nearby. "W-what's th' fuss all about?" Akane asked blearily, starting to come out despite the fact that it was very late – or very early, depending on who you asked.

                Ryouga's eyes started to go into 'glitter-mode' – then he looked at the rock still swinging in front of him, and especially the kanji imprinted in it, and panicked. "ACK!"

                Ku Lon hid a grin. '_Well, determination isn't helping him. I wonder what mortal fear would do…?_' With a mischievous smile, she called, "Oh, the boy is simply playing around. You really should see the stone at this point…"

                "NONONONONONO!" Ryouga yelped, lashing out frantically at the boulder and the incriminating evidence of his infatuation that dangled tantalizingly just out of reach. Ku Lon smiled compassionately and set the boulder swinging again.

                "Oh… I'll look tomorrow…" Akane's voice said, and a moment later her breathing deepened into sleep again.

                Ryouga threw a hard, accusatory look at the Matriarch. Ku Lon simply shrugged and smiled, then hopped off the boulder and began winching it back up again. "Let's try again…"

                And she also wondered what on earth could be causing the loud rumbling she kept hearing. It certainly couldn't be thunder, right?

                _Pant. Gasp._ "Oyajiiiiii…"

                [Be strong, my son! You must bear] flip [this, for the sake of our honor!]

                "I don't see _you_ jumpin' in front'a a frickin' _avalanche_!"

                [Oh, the shame! Are you such a coward] flip [that you fear a brief fall of stones?]

                "By the way, yer back's open." _Boot._

                [Erk. Um… m-maybe the r-rockfall] flip [w-wasn't the best idea?]

                "Certainly not the _fifth_ one. And get some hot water, fer cryin' out loud!"

                [No time for such inconsequentials!] flip [Come, boy! There is more yet to] flip [learn before the match!] flip [The old woman will learn respect for] flip [the true power of Anything Goes!]

                "Grrrr. Less talk, less stunts, more teachin'! An' I'm warnin' ya, oyaji – one more crazy stunt, an' I'm givin' ya t' Akane t' be made inta panda stew…"

                [Gulp.]

                "I… _I DID IT!_"

                "Not bad, not bad at all. Now come, boy. It is time to begin the secondary stage of your training."

                "S-secondary stage? And w-what about A-A-A-A-k-k-kane?"

                "Let's let her sleep, shall we? Ah… Hmmmm… someone has been meddling with my avalanches."

                "A-_avalanches_?"

                "Of course – what better way for learning a technique for destroying stones? Ah – Genma. I might have guessed. No matter, I have others."

                "Oh boy…"

                Ku Lon looked up. Yes – definitely thunder. Odd – it didn't look like rain…

*: _Sorry… a reference to a running joke my Slayers fanfic The Third Inverse__. I couldn't resist. ^.^_

(_A.N. – Whew.__ Why is it that I'm constantly__ getting writer's block on this? -_-__ Anyway, I'd meant__ for this chapter to include the confrontation… but it just didn't work out that way. makes a face, then laughs The problem is that the farther I go in this, the more additional material I start adding. This inevitably makes things last longer._

_                Well, finals are over, and the official graduation ceremony is in a few days. Woo-hoo!! Meaning that I have a lot of free time now, and what better place to channel said free time but into stories and drawing? ^_^___

_                So, what is__ up with Genma? All I can say is that the ripple effect is (finally) getting to him. Ku Lon has also hammered another bit of Martial Arts Socialization (copyright to TheGrum's Nabiki :-P__) into Ranma's head, and while events remain on schedule, things are starting to change._

_                Thanks to everyone who corrected my interpretation of events regarding Ranma's promise to Ryouga. I had__ forgotten about the fact that Ranma didn't directly promise Ryouga, or say his promise out loud. However, I'm not going to change the story itself. Why not? :-P__ Wait and see, wait and see._

_                Regarding the future of this story: Well, heck, I can't seem to stop__ writing at this stage! ___ Why can't I get this kind of devotion from myself in any of my original stories…? :-P__ I suppose it's all the reviews I get. There's nothing more encouraging than hearing people say, "I like this! What's going to happen next?" Thank you, everyone!_

_                I don't remember if I've said this before or not, but Sticks and Carrots will have three 'arcs'. The first one, obviously, is Sensei. I won't tell you the names of the others, though. :-P__ That's my secret. Sensei is lasting longer than I expected, due to the fact that individual events are getting longer. I suspect Sensei will therefore end somewhere around chapter fifteen or twenty, maybe even later (I daren't try to be any more accurate than that, at the moment…), after the Hiryuu Shouten Ha__ story. At that point, I expect to make a serious__ divergence from the manga for a time, and then come back to the manga at least partially for the final arc._

_                For those of you who insist on guessing the titles, I will say this: I've already foreshadowed them in the story. :-P__ Hey, I never said the hint would be useful__, did I?_

_                Side note for anyone interested: I have an idea for a post-manga story, but at the moment I'm at an impasse in getting it started. I know what I want to have happen, I know how the story should go, etc – but I can't figure out a way to get the vital first event in while still remaining true to the characters. makes a face Sorry, I'm ranting – but then again, what are author's notes for? :-P_

_                Next chapter: the fight, at long last! (For real this time!) An explanation for the bee in Genma's bonnet! (A panda wearing a bonnet… weird mental image.) Ku Lon gets to see the results of teaching Ryouga – and the consequences. I'll get it out as soon as I can! As ever, Read, Review, Comment and Critique! The more comments I get, the happier little author I get to be. ^.^)_


	12. SENSEI Chapter Eleven

STICKS AND CARROTS

Part One: Sensei

Chapter Eleven

                The day of the duel dawned clear and bright, and the two contenders converged on the appointed ground. Ku Lon had chosen the location for the duel carefully, with an eye to giving the different advantages of the rivals equal power. Ranma's greater speed was better for the wide-open spaces, while Ryouga's _Bakusai Tenketsu would take advantage of the high quantity of stone in the area. Granted, Ranma couldn't use his superior agility to good advantage in these open quarters, and Ryouga could not depend on his strength, but all in all everything was as fair as Ku Lon could manage while allowing each fighter to exercise their best advantages equally. An old, lone tree almost in the exact center of the field provided a convenient landmark._

                However, at the moment she had another problem to occupy her – this one coming from another quarter entirely.

                "I am _not just going to stay in camp while those two __BAKA beat on each other! Someone needs to keep an eye on them!"_

                "And what am I? Day-old sushi?" 

                "No – it's just…"

                Ku Lon sighed. "Then you will remain _well back from the fight. Understood? If you fail to inspire trust in me that you will do so, then I will take measures to __ensure that you do not come too close."_

                Akane looked disbelievingly at her. "What will you do, tie me in a tree?"

                "The thought did cross my mind."

                The disbelieving and faintly disdainful look turned into a shocked one. "_What? But…"_

                Another sigh. "It is not that I do not wish you to witness this fight, child; indeed, I believe it would benefit you greatly to see it. However, I refuse to be responsible for any injury you might acquire by getting too close."

                Akane huffed and crossed her arms stubbornly. "I can take care of myself!"

                Ku Lon rubbed her brow, wondering why she'd forgotten to bring her Aspirin with her. Stubborn children made for a lot of these stupid headaches. "Perhaps you would understand a demonstration." Her eye fell on an appropriate object – the remaining rubble from one of Ryouga's successes. "Would you hand me one of those stones? A medium-sized one, please."

                The girl looked confused, but handed a stone to the Matriarch, roughly the size of a man's head. Ku Lon hefted it, eyeing the stone with a practiced eye. Good; its structure was weak and already partly damaged by the original shattering. It would break easily into large pieces without the risk of dangerous shards or sharp edges.

                "Now child, observe the _Bakusai Tenketsu!"_

                Ku Lon poked the breaking point of the stone, and Akane yelped in surprise and dismay as the stone shattered – explosively. To the girl's credit, she reacted quickly, shielding her face and throat and twisting to present the smallest possible target for the flying stones. But she could not protect herself completely, and the rocks hammered her briefly before the explosion ended. Not hard, granted; only enough to leave sore spots and maybe a very minor bruise or two – but definitely enough to make the Matriarch's point.

                Ku Lon spoke before Akane could begin to get angry, giving the girl a very stern look. "Now do you understand?" she asked. "The _Bakusai Tenketsu is a powerful technique, yes, but never forget that it is also an __unfocused technique. When used, shrapnel goes __everywhere. I should also warn you that the larger the stone, the more powerful the technique. The stone I just used was small and the shrapnel was painful but harmless. Such will __not be the case during the match."___

                "But… you're going to be right there," Akane said weakly.

                Ku Lon laughed. "Do I really look like an idiot to you, child? _I will be keeping a healthy distance. I like my old bones in one piece, dear girl. I may have endured the training myself, but that does not make being a bystander too close to the technique a pleasant experience."_

                As Ku Lon hoped, the knowledge that she herself would be also staying at a distance encouraged Akane. Now that pride was no longer an issue, and she knew that she could keep an eye on things, the girl fell into step behind the Matriarch as they approached the site of the duel.

                "_I've waited for this day, Ranma! Hey, what are you doing on this side of the field?!"_

                "What am _I doing? Ryouga… your side is over there."_

                "What do you mean? Are you saying I'm lost?"

                "Akane's over there."

                "O-on my way. P-pardon me."

                Amazingly, Ryouga only strayed off course twice on his way over to the appropriate side. Ku Lon ventured into the field briefly to guide him to the appointed location, then the Matriarch quickly retreated to a safe distance. "Let's try that again, shall we? From the top."

                Ryouga coughed. "Errr… right." Taking a deep breath, he squared his shoulders, and all his abashment seemed to leave him. "I have waited for this day, Ranma!" he roared.

                "……" Ranma waved a hand in a 'get on with it, will ya?' gesture. Ku Lon gave him a quick, analyzing look. All in all, he seemed no more and no less battered than Ryouga, though his injuries (if such minor things could really be termed that) had a much greater variety. Plenty of bruises, plenty of scratches, sting marks, even a few burn marks. Nothing that amounted to more than a minor annoyance, even when taken as a whole rather than individually.

                Ryouga simply burned with righteous rage. It in fact made for quite the interesting visual effect, as the seething flames were _almost, but not quite, visible. "__PREPARE TO DIE!"_

                Again, Ranma said nothing – but the same fires, though this time of determination, burned behind him.

                Akane rolled her eyes. "Do they _have to be so dramatic about this?"_

                Ku Lon patted her on the shoulder. "It's just part of the tradition, child. Smile and nod."

                At this point, the Elder became aware that someone else was attempting to uphold the tradition of pre-combat Dramatic Declarations.

                [Foolish old woman! Know that the power] flip [of the Saotome Art will always defeat any] flip again [foolish tricks you might teach!]

                Ku Lon smiled benevolently at the panda and offered a sardonic nod of the head in his direction. It was, she mused, ironic that Ryouga and Genma were choosing the vocal pre-combat strategy, while she and Ranma were choosing the silent route. The juxtaposition of student-teacher strategies was not lost on Genma, either, who put away his signs and settled for glaring balefully across the battlefield at her.

                Ku Lon wasn't given much chance to think on it, though. Ryouga had finished the preliminaries, and charged straight into the fight. "NOW, RANMA!" he shouted, lunging. A fist shot forward, one finger extended.

                Ku Lon blinked. Odd. What _was that boy aiming at?_

                Ranma easily slipped sideways, evading the attack. "Y'know," he said conversationally, "fer someone trained by th' ol' ghoul… ya leave a lotta openings!" The statement was punctuated by a powerful kick that sent Ryouga flying parallel to the ground.

                Ryouga slapped a hand down to the ground and used his momentum to flip and land on his feet, facing his rival. "Then I'll see to it that your open mouth is closed – FOREVER!" he roared, snapping a hand down to the stone at his feet.

                "Ahhh… now the _Bakusai Tenketsu comes into play," Ku Lon said, nodding sagely._

                Akane gulped.

                Ranma, on the other hand, was remarkably calm. "Talk is cheap!" he laughed. At the edge of the explosion's radius, only a fraction of the stones came at him – and with the speed of the _Amiguriken behind him, blocking the stones was a breeze – although Ku Lon could not for the life of her figure out why he was stashing them in the crook of his free arm and weighing himself down by carrying them. "What is this, a smoke screen? Whups, guess so!" he added, again flowing sideways to evade Ryouga and leaving the lost boy under several pounds of rubble as he dropped his armload. Combined with the second explosion as Ryouga's finger touched stone, the lost boy did not fare well in the exchange._

                "Too bad ya missed!" Ranma laughed.

                Akane turned to Ku Lon, eyes wide and dismayed. "Why aren't you doing anything?! This isn't rivalry, Ryouga's trying to _kill Ranma!"_

                Ku Lon turned a curious look on the girl, one that quickly shifted to surprise and a bit of caution. Akane certainly _seemed convinced of the truth of her words. Turning back, she studied the fight more closely as Ryouga continued futilely pursuing the pig-tailed boy. Now that she actually was paying attention, she noticed that he was, indeed, trying to tag Ranma with that outstretched finger, and the explosions were the results of his misses and not intentional as she had assumed._

                Ku Lon frowned. _Why was Ryouga doing that? The __Bakusai Tenketsu didn't work on anything except stone…_

                '_I didn't tell him that,' she realized, feeling a little chill. '__He thinks it will work… and he's trying to use it anyway__?'_

                Not good. Very, very not good. If the _Bakusai Tenketsu really __had been effective against humans, then it would have been a very, very dangerous, very, very __lethal technique. And yet… Ryouga certainly didn't seem worried about that._

                '_Either he has a very great deal of faith in Ranma's ability to evade him, which just doesn't fit the situation somehow… or he was serious about that "Prepare to die!"__ challenge.' Erk. If that was the case, maybe this course of action was slightly ill-advised…_

                "He cannot kill Ranma, child," Ku Lon said absently. "Not with the breaking point. On the other hand, I believe my teishi is about to discover the _true power of the __Bakusai Tenketsu…"_

                On the battlefield, Ranma slipped past another futile strike. "Y'know, Ryouga," he said, still in a conversational tone, "y' really ain't doin' yourself a favor with that li'l trick. If ya blow up many more rocks, y' ain't gonna even be able t' stand."

                Ryouga snarled and spun on his heel, trying to catch his elusive opponent. "Don't mock me, Saotome! Soon you will pay for my suffering!"

                "What _is he talking about?" Ku Lon asked curiously – although she had a reasonably educated guess._

                Akane shrugged, momentarily distracted from fretting. "I have no idea."

                Ranma shook his head and again evaded Ryouga's attack, but this time he moved inside Ryouga's guard. "Well, since y' ain't gonna give up 'til yer down, apparently, maybe I should end this… _NOW!"_

                The pigtailed boy spun on one foot, the other lashing up and sending Ryouga flying into a high rise. Ryouga crashed with an incredible impact, and fell to the ground – accompanied by several huge chunks of earth shaken loose by the force of the collision.

                Akane blinked. "It's… over?"

                Ranma watched the pile of dirt and stones, absently rubbing rock dust off of his face with the back of his hand. "Huh. Didn't 'xpect it t' be _that easy…"_

                Ku Lon just smiled, pulled a bag of M&Ms out of her sleeve, and snacked as she watched. One should always have something to snack on during a show.

                An ear-splitting _CRACK! pierced the air, and a rift in the stone lanced from the mound of earth to Ranma's feet. A deep rumbling caused tremors in the stone._

                Then it exploded.

                "YOW!" Ranma yelped, leaping upward and latching onto a overhanging branch of the lone tree with a death grip.

                At the heart of the explosion, Ryouga popped out of the earth like some kind of demented fast-growing flower, laughing manically(tm). "_YOU'VE GOTTEN WEAK, RANMA!" he roared. "Your kick felt like a __BABY's__ foot!"_

                Ranma glared and flipped upward to stand on top of the branch he'd been clinging to. "Izzat so?" he asked. His voice was still casual, but there was an edge to it now that had not been present before.

                Akane, still standing next to Ku Lon, abruptly smacked her fist lightly down into her open palm in a gesture of sudden comprehension. "Wait! Now I see!" she cried. "Ryouga's training! Getting constantly hammered by those flying boulders…" The girl turned quickly to Ku Lon. "It's made him much more resistant to impacts, hasn't it?"

                Ku Lon spared a moment to turn an approving look on the girl. Akane might lack skill in the Art, but she had at least some understanding of it. Turning back to the conflict, she called, "Still think you can win?"

                Ranma glared over his shoulder at her. "Hey! I've trained too, y'know!"

                Before anyone could respond, Ryouga flung a large stone at the pigtailed boy. "How _dare you ignore me!" he shouted._

                Ranma moved his head quickly out of the way. Smoothly continuing the motion, he flipped off the branch and began his descent to the ground. Ryouga moved to Ranma's landing point and, smirking, extended his finger. No matter how good the pigtailed boy was in midair, he couldn't spontaneously change direction without a surface to bounce off of. Ranma had no way to escape this time.

                Except he did. _Klop__! "Breaking point block!"_

                Ryouga gaped at him in that ever-so-comic, stop-action moment of realization that inevitably follows a surprising turn of events, even when the laws of physics claimed that inertia and gravity and the like would normally demand that events continue without pause. (It is not a well known nor well documented fact, but the Laws of Comedy take precedence over all other natural laws. Go figure, ne?) "Hey!" he objected in indignation. Ranma wasn't supposed to _block the attack!_

                Ryouga reacted quickly as Ranma landed without releasing the block (which basically involved trapping Ryouga's finger between Ranma's pointer and middle fingers). Remembering he had another hand, after all, Ryouga jerked Ranma towards him and attacked with it.

                Of course, Ranma had another hand, too – _Klop__! – and put it to good use blocking Ryouga's second attack._

                Ranma gritted his teeth against the effort of holding Ryouga back, but somehow managed to smirk anyway and say, "Now… with both hands blocked…"

                Suddenly he shifted his weight backward and lashed out with his foot again, so fast that it looked like his attacking leg had triplicated itself. "…_YOU'RE MINE!"_

                Ryouga, prevented from flying away from the force of the blows by his trapped fingers, took them at full-strength, and his eyes went blank with shock at the impact. But as his feet returned to earth, the disregard for physical punishment acquired during his training kicked in, and he smiled, almost benignly. "As I said," he said lazily, "your kicks are _JUST LIKE A BABY'S!"_

                As he raised his voice, he lunged forward, head-butting Ranma squarely in the face. The Saotome heir flew backwards stunned, as his hands momentarily relaxed their grip. As his hated rival skidded on the rough stones, Ryouga charged after him. "You just don't have the strength to STOP ME, Ranma!" the boy shouted, attempting once again to strike Ranma with his extended finger. Recovering quickly, Ranma lunged sideways, but this time the resulting explosion of stones was much closer, and the pigtailed boy was unable to block.

                "Ugh!" Ranma grunted, bracing himself as he skidded to a stop, once more on his feet. Ryouga turned and smirked at him, clearly convinced he had the indisputable upper hand at last.

                '_He's gonna loose that smirk, or I ain't Saotome Ranma!' Ranma thought, and braced himself. So, the old ghoul wanted to see how well he could think? He'd show her!_

                Of course, it would be mildly embarrassing, but oh well. Necessity had struck.

                "I didn't want to use this, Ryouga," he said quietly, and the lost boy hesitated, as something about his rival's changed tone triggered a sudden sense of caution. "But so be it… the Saotome Secret Technique!"

                Ku Lon and Akane instantly perked up – not only because of the change in Ranma's demeanor, but by the sign Genma was holding up.

                [W-Will he really use it?!]

                On the field, Ryouga gritted his teeth – He would _not be intimidated! – and charged again. "Yaaaaaah!"_

                Ranma ran forward to intercept him. "Face opponent…" he said, slipped sideways past Ryouga's attacking hand and into Ryouga's guard, coming down in a crouch with his back to Ryouga, "…and…

                "**FAST BREAK!"**

                _Vooooom__._

                Ryouga blinked. Akane blinked. Ku Lon blinked. There was, in fact, much blinking. Astonishment abounded.

                "That…" Ryouga began.

                "…was the Saotome…" Akane continued, ignoring the panda who was nodding sagely nearby.

                "…Secret Technique?" Ku Lon finished, much amused. "Well… at least it was original. Sort of."

                "GET BACK HERE, YOU COWARD!" Ryouga shouted, charging towards the trees where the pigtailed boy had vanished. Ku Lon, Akane and Genma all followed, though at a less headlong pace.

                "Tell me," Ku Lon said lightly to the panda, "how _does this constitute a 'secret technique'?"_

                [Hah!] flip [The secret technique of the Saotome clan] flip [is a technique of 'motion', 'contemplation', and 'opposition',] flip [requiring the greatest skill and courage to accomplish!]

                "In other words," Akane said dryly, "running away to buy yourself time to figure out a way to beat your opponent."

                [Bingo!] At least Genma _did have the grace to look a little embarrassed._

                'What kind of technique is _that?" Akane demanded._

                [Hey, it's harder than it looks!] the sign protested.

                Ku Lon laughed. "It is a strategic technique rather than a combat technique, child," she said. "Or hadn't you noticed? The _Bakusai Tenketsu is most effective in an open area with lots of stone. Ranma has the advantage in the woods."_

                "More like a way to avoid admitting he needs to retreat," Akane grumbled.

                Ku Lon laughed again. She was in a good mood. "Naturally! Of course, it also made for a wonderful shock effect…"

                They caught up with Ryouga just as battle was rejoined.

                "Just 'cause ya've gotten a little tougher, Ryouga," Ranma shouted, rebounding back and forth between the trees like that rubberish substance in that gaijin movie – what had it been called again? Flubber? – gaining speed with every bounce rather than losing it, "_that doesn't mean yer invincible!"_

                A final rebound sent him rocketing towards Ryouga. The lost boy simply smirked and didn't even try to defend, supremely confident in his body's new-found toughness. Ranma slammed into him, fist leading, with a strange _Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrt__! sound._

                "THAT TICKLES!" Ryouga mocked, punching Ranma and sending the pigtailed boy flying to crash into a tree.

                "_NGH?" Suddenly, Ryouga twitched in pain and disbelief, pressing a hand to the place where Ranma's fist had hit him. Wobbling, he glared daggers at Ranma as the boy stood. (The unfortunate tree Ranma had impacted, however, did not. Kinda hard to stand up when you've been broken at the trunk, ne?)_

                Ranma grinned victoriously. "So it _tickles, eh?" he asked mockingly._

                Ku Lon blinked and tilted her head to the side. Something had been… strange… about that blow, in retrospect. "Odd… the recoil of a branch shouldn't do _that…" she mused aloud. Yet that was the only thing she could think of – Ranma __had been using the branches to gather momentum, after all._

                Ryouga roared and charged – he was doing a lot of that today, the Matriarch noted. "YOU WILL REGRET THIS…!"

                _Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrt__!_

                Ryouga went flying backward, stunned, carving a trench in the earth without regard for prior presences such as roots, trees, rocks or cute woodland animals. He had plainly felt _that one._

                Ku Lon blinked and raised an eyebrow. "No branch this time…"

                Suddenly, Akane gasped in realization. "Wait – it only _looks like one punch!" she exclaimed. "But he's really hitting the same spot __hundreds of times!"_

                '_Ah. Of course! That would explain it – and the fact that he's only been hitting in one__ place misdirected me.' She smiled and nodded. "So! The speed training I gave him pays off now."_

                This new strategy came at a high cost. Sweat was beginning to streak Ranma's face and his breathing was harsher than the short duration of the fight should have caused. Maintaining his speed and yet controlling his attack was draining him quickly. Hopping down next to Akane, Ku Lon commented, "He'd better end this quickly – or he'll defeat himself."

                "But… Ranma's already _won!" Akane said, turning back to the fight with a look of confusion on her face._

                She was swiftly proven wrong, as Ryouga again rose, like a bad joke that just wouldn't quit. "Heh," he said, absently brushing some sweat off his face with a smirk, "at least you made this fight worthwhile." He charged again. "Prepare yourself, Ranma!"

                _Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrt__!_

                Better prepared for the barrage, Ryouga caught himself before he was sent for another slide through the woods. "Breathing a little hard, aren't you?" he asked smugly. "DON'T TELL ME YOU'RE TIRED AFTER THROWING A MEASLY _SEVERAL HUNDRED PUNCHES!"_

                Ranma sidestepped quickly, and Ku Lon could tell by the sharp look in his eyes that his mind was racing.

                Then, the unimaginable happened: as Ryouga attacked again, Ranma tripped, and fell to the earth with a _whump__! onto his back, wide open and defenseless._

                "_BAKA!" Akane screamed at the top of her lungs. "HOW COULD YOU FALL DOWN __NOW?"_

                If she hadn't been watching the proceedings so intently, Ku Lon would have rubbed her eyes – or at least blinked several times. '_I must__ be going senile… I could have sworn that he meant__ to do that…'_

                "_BAKUSAI TENKETSU!" Ryouga roared, pinning the pigtailed boy by the shoulder with one hand as the other lashed downward, deadly (so the lost boy thought) finger extended._

                Ranma couldn't dodge clear this time; all he could do was desperately jerk his head sideways, so that the blow aimed for his throat missed his neck and touched the stony ground beneath them.

                **BWOOOM! The combatants went flying upward, propelled by the huge explosion right beneath them.**

                Ranma reacted instantly. The arm Ryouga had been using to pin him served as a pivot point, placing the pigtailed boy above the lost one. Ranma snacked one arm around Ryouga's and pinned it, as he swept his legs up and around to trap Ryouga's other arm between them. Ryouga now was wide open for attack – and Ranma still had one arm free with which to use the opening. The pigtailed boy launched his attack even as the two began their descent again. "SO HOW 'BOUT _THIS ONE?!"_

                The final blow was timed perfectly, connecting just as Ryouga hit the unforgiving ground. The lost boy would not be getting up from that one for some time.

                Ranma gasped for air. "I got… you…?!"

                The last word spiraled upward to a very surprised note. Understandable, as the chunk of cliff they had just collided rather forcefully with had decided that it was fed up with life as a precipice and wanted a new career at the bottom of the cliff.

                "YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!"

                The three onlookers rushed to the crumbling edge, but too late to catch the boys.

                "RANMAAAAAAAA!" Akane screamed.

                "Ah! You can be so careless sometimes, teishi," Ku Lon commented, peering over the edge. They'd be fine – Ranma had handled worse falls in his time, Ryouga had the toughness of the _Bakusai Tenketsu protecting him, and besides – there was a very nice river to land in._

                _Huf__.__ Huf. Huf._

                "Dammit, Ryouga…" the frustrated-but-too-tired-to-be-pissed female voice grumbled, "why d'ya hafta be so much trouble…?"

                Ku Lon skidded down the last incline. "Well, well, well. That was a _well-fought fight, teishi."_

                Female-Ranma pushed herself up to a sitting position, glaring at the Matriarch through a curtain of dripping bangs. "_YOU."_

                Ku Lon hid a wince. Apparently Ranma had not been pleased by Ryouga's efforts to kill him. Shoving pessimistic thoughts that were wondering how much this would set back her plans regarding the boy, she continued. "You put the speed training I gave you to good use, teishi."

                Ranma was not interested in a change in topic. "I can't _believed y'd teach a dope like Ryouga a technique that __DANGEROUS!"_

                Ku Lon ducked the blow that the temporary-girl shot at her. "What… you mean _this li'l '__Bakusai Tenketsu'?" she asked, lightly poking Ranma in the forehead._

                "_WAK!" Ranma stiffened like a board and fell over twitching._

                Ku Lon laughed reassuringly. "Relax, teishi! The _Bakusai Tenketsu was developed by the construction industry – it only works on __rocks!"_

                Ranma continued to twitch. Sighing Ku Lon pulled her up by the collar and gave her a little shake. "Snap out of it, teishi."

                "Wha…? Wha…?" Ranma blinked, then looked at herself as though surprised to see herself in one piece, rather than in a bloody splat. "It… it didn't work?"

                Ku Lon sighed and repeated herself.

                "…oh," Ranma said. Then she looked at the little black piglet that had briefly regained consciousness before deciding that sleepy-time was good and passing out again. "Then why th' heck was Ryouga tryin' t' poke me??"

                Ku Lon laughed sheepishly. "I… ahem… forgot to inform him, too." Sobering, she added, "Which reminds me… I owe you an apology."

                "Huh?" Ranma gaped at her. "Fer what?"

                Ku Lon straightened herself up formally. She hated apologies… but she _had made a mistake. Best to just acknowledge the fact and get it over with. "I ask your forgiveness for teaching your enemy a potentially lethal technique."_

                "But… y' just said tha' it doesn't work…"

                Ku Lon sighed. "That does not change the fact that it _could have been, nor does it affect the fact that I intentionally trained your enemy with the intention of having him fight you." She bowed deeply and waited for Ranma's response._

                It was a bit slow in coming – but when it did, Ku Lon breathed a sigh of heartfelt relief. "…Aw, 't's okay. Wasn' like ya meant ta hurt nothin', right? 'Sides… this was kinda fun."

                "Which reminds me… allow me to congratulate you on your swift thinking regarding the _Amiguriken. On the other hand, clearly the technique could be refined. We shall have to discuss it at some point."_

                Ranma brightened. "That would be neat!" She hesitated then. "Ummm… I don' s'pose y've got some hot water with ya?"

                Ku Lon grinned and produced a thermos. "I had a hunch that you would want this."

                "Thanks." Ranma accepted the thermos and quickly dumped the contents over herself and the black piglet, reverting both of them back to their natural forms as young men.

                "Yo! Ryouga!" Ranma lightly smacked the lost boy's face a couple times. "Hey, c'mon, get up!"

                "Ngh? YAAAAAH!" Blushing a brilliant, full-body crimson, the lost boy wasted no time in attempting to cover himself. "Ranma…!"

                "Here y' go." Ranma tossed a pile of sodden cloth at the lost boy, who caught them and quickly set about rivaling the world record for shortest dressing time ever.

                "Ranma! Ryouga!" Akane burst out of the trees on the slope above them, sliding down without a care for the loose stones and pebbles that she was kicking up to sting the panda trundling behind her. "Oh, thank goodness – you're both alright!"

                "H-hello, Ak-kane," Ryouga stammered, blushing.

                "'Course we are!" Ranma said. "Why shouldn't we be?"

                Akane shot her erstwhile fiancé a glare. "Well, excuse me for worrying! Next time you fall down a cliff, I'll just go my merry way and _forget about looking for you, then!"_

                "Now, now, children," Ku Lon said. "Let's not squabble. Akane had reason to be worried, Ranma. Akane, Ranma is fine, you need not scold him constantly." Turning away from the children, she looked at Ryouga. "Well, it seems that your challenge has ended."

                Ryouga sighed. "Yes, it has." He pushed himself up to his feet and squeezed some extra water out of his shirt. "Ummm… can we go back to the campsite? I left my pack there…"

                "Of course. This way. No, not downstream, _upstream. ARGH!" She grabbed the boy's collar. "Just follow me…"_

                "Well… I accept my defeat gracefully this time, Ranma," Ryouga said, waving goodbye. "Say goodbye to Akane for me."

                Ranma nodded. "Will do."

                Ku Lon also waved. "You were a pleasure to teach, boy. May your wanderings lead you to welcome places."

                Ryouga walked away, following the faint gleam of the evening star. Which was really too bad, because said star wasn't out yet, and he'd meant to go south anyway.

                Ranma shrugged. "Ah well."

                Ku Lon shook her head. "If I ever find a life-size M.C. Escher maze, I'm going to put that boy in it. He probably would navigate it perfectly."

                "A what maze?"

                "Nevermind."

                They turned away and returned to the campsite where Akane and Genma were waiting.

                "He's gone, then?" Akane asked. "That's too bad… I wanted to give him some food for the road…"

                "Good thing he made his escape when he did," Ranma said – though, luckily for him, too quietly for Akane to hear.

                "Well, I suppose it is time to return to Nerima, at least for myself," Ku Lon said.

                "We'll come, too," Akane said quickly. "I think we've been out here long enough."

                Ranma hesitated, then shrugged. "Ah, why not?"

                They each shouldered their packs and began walking, the children in the front. You could almost hear the little cuddly forest animals praising the kami.

                Ku Lon became aware, vaguely, that someone was trying to get her attention. Glancing over, she saw an illegible sign. "Tell me, Genma… _why are you still in panda form?"_

                Said panda glared and whipped out a new sign. [Don't try to change the subject, old woman!]

                "Subject? Was there a subject? All apologies – but I couldn't exactly read the sign."

                _Vip. [It has been decided, has it not?] flip [Your flawed training failed to defeat] flip [the ancient teaching traditions of the Saotome clan!]_

                "Hmmm." Ku Lon pretended to think it over. "I fail to see how you can prove that statement."

                [The boy defeated Ryouga, did he not?!]

                "True… using an Amazon technique I taught him." Ku Lon was beginning to get annoyed.

                [Ha! An inconsequential detail!] flip [The Saotome Secret Technique granted him his victory!]

                "I believe your son would disagree," Ku Lon replied. "And I fail to see the effect of any additional training you gave him."

                [Pha! You are simply too bli…]

                Ku Lon smiled pleasantly at him. "Care to finish that little comment?" She let a little menace creep into her voice.

                [Ummm… eh heh heh…] A new sign _vipped out. [I'm just a cuddly little panda!]_

                Ku Lon glared at him. "And don't you forget it."

                '_Stupid panda.__ Why do I get the feeling that this won't be the last headache I'll be getting from him?'_

                The Neko-hanten was quiet when she arrived that evening; the crowds had come and gone, and Xian Pu was sweeping the last of the dirt out the door.

                "Welcome, Great-Grandmother," the girl said distractedly.

                Ku Lon paused and blinked. '_I wonder what is distracting her so much?' she thought, watching as her great-granddaughter put the broom away and locked the front door. Xian Pu's cute face had a small frown on it, giving her a serious, thoughtful look. Ku Lon considered asking the girl about whatever was on her mind, but decided to hold her peace and wait to see what Xian Pu did. The girl would need to learn how to ask for help sooner or later._

                "Great-Grandmother?" Xian Pu said, after almost fifteen minutes. "Xian Pu need advice…"

                Ku Lon put down her bowl of ramen and looked at the girl. "In what way…?"

                Outside, an ominous shadow lingered, fists clenched.

                '_That old woman will rue the day she ever tangled with me,' he thought darkly. '__Prepare yourself, woman! My revenge will destroy you, and then I will reclaim that which is mine!' Lightning flashed, and…_

                Splash.

                "Hey, be careful! Someone might be down there!"

                "Naaah, it's okay! There's just… oh my! Someone call the zoo!"

                "Growf!" Okay, so his vengeance would be swift and terrible… after he got some hot water.

(_A.N. – Please excuse me for a minute whilst I vent._

_                I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU! –(to the chapter__)_

_                huffs Well, with that said and done, let me explain. I got writer's block on the very beginning of this chapter. This was not good. This was doubly not good because I had been digging through my old computer games (as I normally don't play computer games during the school year, at least not seriously). Fortunately, I finished my game, returned to banging my head on my writer's block, and finally managed to break through. Having a tough head has its advantages…_

_                At this point, I'm just glad this is over with. I had fun writing this chapter in places, but really I'm ready for a change. And I'm getting it. The next chapter or two will be completely original, now that I'm relatively confident in my ability to follow Takahashi-sama's style. ^_^___

_                Thank you, everyone who's been reviewing! Please continue to do so. Also, if you have any ideas for what antics Genma can get up to, I'm all ears. (Whoa… another wacky mental image. Hmmm… Martial Arts Listening?)_

_                A side note: out of curiosity, why do people assume that Ryouga is stronger than Ranma? I have yet to see anything that actually proves that assumption. After the training, Ryouga is tougher__, and thus can take more damage, but that's not the same thing as being stronger. shrugs Random thought._

_                Next up: We find out what Nabiki and Xian Pu are plotting, Xian Pu and Ku Lon discuss__ the subject of P-chan with Ranma, and the main event: Genma's retribution! (AKA The vengeance of the panda awaits no teakettle.)_

_                Comment, critique, read and review! ^_____^__)_


	13. SENSEI Chapter Twelve

_(Yes. I am__ alive. And still writing… just not writing fanfiction. Fortunately, someone reminded me that commitments are to be honored, and that if you post a story you really should feel obligated to either continue it, or formally end it. I've opted, as is evident, for the former.)_

STICKS AND CARROTS

Part One: Sensei

Chapter Twelve

                He was wise. He was powerful. He was a great teacher who had raised his student to an incredible pinnacle of skill and ability, and continued to push that student to rise. He had created powerful martial arts forms, forms and techniques so powerful that, like _His terrible fire-burst attack, had to be sealed away for the good of the world. He had even survived long and painful training under __Him for years, and then sealed Him away with the minimal aid (so he thought) of his fellow student._

                "Growf!"

                He was also, at the moment, due to conspiracy by the universe against him, a panda.

                "You'd think he'd have learned by now that dumping cold water on himself is _not the way a person with an animal-type Jusenkyou curse cools off," Nabiki said, without even trying to hide her amusement._

                A stream of hot water transformed the sulking panda into a sulking and very upset man in a disheveled gi. "HOTHOTHOT!"

                "What troubles you, Saotome?" Soun asked, setting up the shogi board.

                Genma fanned the steam away desperately and glared at his old friend, but Soun was a long-time master of ignoring such unpleasantness. With ill-grace, Genma plonked himself down on the other side of the board.

                "This is going too far, Tendou," he said, diving directly into the subject as was his wont. (Well… so long as the subject in question didn't involve undue duress on his part that would follow as a consequence. He had his standards.) "That… that old _creature seems to believe that I will simply hand my son over to her without hesitation or question!"_

                Soun looked up (and Genma kicked himself for not holding his response until the game had started; that would have been a perfect opportunity for a Ghost's Hand Relocation technique). "Old creature? …Ah. The Amazon girl's great-grandmother." Looking back at the board, he moved a _Fu forward. "I don't understand your concern, Saotome. All she has done is teach him a few techniques and present him with challenges that cause him to improve. She has not mentioned the spurious 'engagement' of Shampoo recently, has she?"_

                Genma scowled and moved a _Fu of his own forward, knowing that Soun was keeping a careful watch on his move. "She thinks __she can train the boy, despite the years of suffering I have devoted to his skills!"_

                Soun shook his head and moved his _Kaku. "But is this not to your advantage, Saotome?" he asked curiously. "The boy will only improve, and become a better heir to the Masubetsu Kakutou Ryuu. Are not our primary tenants absorption and adaptation?"_

                Genma growled and made a countering move of his own (palming a piece as he did so – just in case Soun took his eyes off the board). He'd forgotten how… laid back Soun could be. "Perhaps… but she has a plan, I can sense it." He shuddered.

                Soun looked up as he placed his piece, and Genma quickly moved the piece back and moved a second, useless one forward. Standard tactics, really. A true Anything Goes shogi game didn't start until enough pieces were scattered that alterations didn't stand out.

                Fortunately, he had the advantage at the moment – he was the leader of the conversation. "And I am not simply paranoid, Soun…"

                "Only mostly," Nabiki said quietly, with a smirk. Still, she was content simply to listen in. She was rather pleased with the Saotomes at the moment – Genma for negotiating the 'free ramen for a year' deal and Ranma for winning the race that gave them it. Granted, the family would swiftly get sick of ramen if they over-used the deal, but at least they had it – food bills were going to be lighter than expected this year.

                Genma turned his nose in the air, then caught himself and quickly returned his attention to the board. That sly Soun! How dare he use his own family as a distraction!

                Ranma dashed through the room, shouting something about survival and ducking a few flying objects. Genma quickly switched the board again. All was fair in Anything Goes, right?

                "Saotome, old friend, perhaps you should simply explain yourself more clearly…" Soun said, a hint of concern on his face. "What troubles you so about the old woman? Surely you aren't objecting to your son's increase in skill!"

                Genma thought hard (yes, he can do that… sometimes…) as they exchanged several more moves. '_I must get him to understand! But if I speak His name… I must do this in a round-about manner, then.' "Tendou-kun, surely you have noticed the… __resemblance she bears…"_

                Soun looked sharply at his old friend, no doubt alarmed by the uncharacteristic care with which Genma was choosing his words. "Resemblance…?"

                Genma sighed. '_Must I always be the one with the brains?' "To a certain figure in our shared past which we disposed of over ten years ago, shortly before I set out on my mission of training."_

                Soun shook his head in confusion… hesitated… blinked… blanched…

                While his friend's eyes were blank and unseeing with shock and terror, Genma quickly turned the board around, having intentionally timed his statement to a point where he was only a few moves from losing. He calmly moved a piece (granted, not in the direction it was _supposed to move, but Soun didn't say anything!) and waited for Soun to snap out of it._

                Finally, Soun gulped loudly and leaned in close. "Surely… you don't think…?"

                "We cannot be certain…" Genma said, his tone implying the opposite.

                Soun shook his head violently. "Saotome-kun, this is madness! However withered and… _old, the old woman is still that – a woman! Surely no female would ever join forces with… __Him."_

                Genma didn't look up from the board as he moved his own piece. "But she _is old and withered, Tendou-kun. Old and withered enough that __He would leave her be… especially if she should tempt a new apprentice to __Him."_

                Soun simply shook his head in disbelief. Then he frowned. Then he began to break out in a cold sweat.

                Then the building tension broke, and Soun surged to his feet. "SAOTOME! WE MUST STOP THIS TRAVESTY BEFORE IT IS TOO LATE!"

                Genma remained seated in a pose of solemn contemplation. "We must not act too quickly, Tendou-kun," he said calmly, wishing that Soun had made his move _before overreacting like that._

                '_Hey… wait a minute… I know he didn't have two Kaku__!' Grrr! The shame, that Tendou was cheating on his old friend Saotome!_

                "Surely, you must have some plan, Saotome?" Tendou asked in a pleading tone, sitting again and making a move.

                Genma nodded solemnly. "Indeed I do, Tendou-kun. This old crone may be withered and evil, but she will never be a match for the 'Dance of the Fish' technique!"

                Soun and his daughter Nabiki both looked up, curious, and Genma made his own move in response. "Dance of the Fish?" Soun asked. "I have never heard of it, Saotome. What manner of technique is it?"

                Genma smiled smugly and crossed his arms as he waited for Soun to move. "A cunning and nearly unbeatable technique." Seeing that their curiosity was not assuaged, and more than happy to give them an opportunity to marvel at his cunning, Genma settled into story-telling mode.

                "Once, years ago, a fish was caught and served as a fillet to a great scholar. Now, this fish was still alive as they carried it out to the table and the scholar began to eat. With a cunning and mighty leap, the fish flipped into the air and landed in a platter awash with juice and blood from another course, and this concoction splashed everywhere, including over the snow-white garb of the scholar's wife. Aghast by this ill omen, the cooks quickly carried the fish away, and it was no longer doomed to be eaten alive."

                "Interesting story," Nabiki commented, arching a brow sardonically. "I assume it had a point somewhere?"

                Genma glared. Had no one taught this girl to be quiet when her elders were speaking? Had no one taught her not to interrupt while a story was being told?

                "The technique is that, like the fish, one must seek something in the surroundings to sully an apparently clean outer surface to reveal the wickedness wishing to feed off one's accomplishments beneath, and in the same action be removed from the area of danger. Cunning and yet simple, no?"

                Nabiki rolled her eyes and strolled out. "Whatever. See ya, 'Uncle' Saotome."

                Genma shook his head in disdain and turned his attention back to Soun, who had the _appropriate look of concentration on his face._

                "So… how will you accomplish this, Saotome?" his old friend asked.

                Genma shook his head and eyed the board. Excellent. "I must watch her," he said. "Study her movements, her surroundings. As with the fish, a single mistake could be terrible at this point." He moved a piece. "Oh, by the way – I win."

                "Huh – wha…?" Soun looked down at the board, then leapt up, raging. "SAOTOME! YOU CHEATED!"

                "I? I would never do such a growf!" He turned and glared. [Boy! How dare you?!]

                "Feh, c'mon, oyaji," Ranma said with a little smirk, putting down the pail. "If y' ain't cheatin', then how come y' dropped all these?" He picked up some of the _shogi pieces that had fallen out of his father's sleeve when Genma had transformed._

                "GROWF!" _WHAP._

                "Oyaji…!"

                Genma barreled out of the house to meet his now feminized offspring's attack.

                Ku Lon sipped the ramen broth and frowned in concentration, before shaking her head and returning her attention to her loose-leaf book of theoretical recipes. With the restaurant down for the day, she had decided to take the opportunity to experiment with the bizarre idea of dessert-ramen that Akane had mentioned.

                "Where _is Shampoo?" Nabiki asked curiously, tilting her head to the side and inhaling deeply. "By the way, whatever you're making, it smells good."_

                "I sent her to pick up a shipment; she should be back in a few days," Ku Lon replied absently, picking up a pencil and jotting down possible variations to the recipe.

                "I hope you told her exactly how much to pay," Nabiki said with a smirk.

                "She doesn't need an explanation. Now, did you have a reason for being here, or will I have to chase you out with a stick?" Ku Lon brandished a wooden spoon teasingly.

                "Oh… I just happened to overhear something you might be interested in…"

                A few minutes and several thousand yen later, Ku Lon was clutching her staff desperately and wondering frantically if her dignity as a Matriarch could withstand the damage of having an outsider see her rolling-on-the-floor-kicking-her-legs-in-the-air laughing. "He's planning to _what?"_

                Nabiki smirked. If she'd had any worries of this situation getting messy (in a serious way, at least), then plainly Ku Lon's reaction had assuaged those fears. "To 'splatter you', or something of that sort. I already told you what they said."

                Ku Lon finally managed to regain her center without outwardly losing _too much of her appearance of being calm and un-ruffled. "I see… and, out of curiosity, why did you chose to inform me of this?"_

                Nabiki shrugged with her patented 'why should I care? I'm in this for the amusement' manner. "To be honest, I was curious and wanted to know if there was anything to this '_He' they kept mentioning. It was really quite impressive, the way Daddy reacted."_

                Ku Lon shrugged. "I'm afraid I can't help you," she said.

                _Clatter._

                Soun gasped. "The family altar…!" Looking down at the scattered plants and splintered wood, he shook his head. "An ill omen…"

                Genma laughed and hoped Soun wouldn't notice that he'd inadvertently caused the crash. "Ha-ha-ha! Who knows – maybe a demon's awakening!"

                Soun twitched. "D-demon…?!"

                Then he blinked and grinned with forced cheer. "Oh! Right! 'Demon'! Hahaha!"

                Genma laughed as well – a little too loudly.

                Soun grabbed his _gi and dragged him in close, the tentative beginnings of a demon's head masked by the virtual rivers of cold sweat running down his face. "DEMON, Saotome?!"_

                "J-just a joke, Tendou-kun!" Genma said quickly, making calming motions with his hands. "Just a joke!" He carefully ignored the cold sweat that was currently soaking the handkerchief on his own head. Not as bad as Soun, but…

                Okay. It had been a very _bad joke._

                Nabiki looked up from her ramen as thunder rolled. "Good grief – more rain coming?" Quickly finishing off her noodles, the girl got to her feet. "Your ramen is as excellent as ever, Matriarch. I just wish it were cheaper."

                "It would be, if you had simply come when the restaurant was open," Ku Lon said serenely. She waved goodbye as the Tendou girl trotted out the door, then returned to her kitchen-craft.

                Meanwhile, her mind was at work. '_So… the panda has decided that the passive approach will not get rid of me,' she thought, tasting her experimental broth again. She'd already found one recipe that would be excellent in the winter, when people would be looking for hot foods, but she wanted at least one that would make a good summer treat. '__Well, it will be interesting to see what he comes up with.'_

                She wasn't particularly worried by this new development – Genma at his best didn't have a chance of keeping up with her in _any manner on her worst day, for one thing. For another, she'd seen this coming a mile away. Genma wasn't just going to lie down and let Ku Lon take away his son and prize student. That he was planning on including the Tendou patriarch in his scheme was unfortunate, but also predictable._

                '_Still… just because his track record is against him doesn't mean that he is always ineffective. It would be humiliating__ to ignore him as being a harmless dolt, only to be taken off guard because he happened to get a lucky break.'_

                Scribbling down her observations of this particular recipe, she continued to think. '_Nabiki tagged the main source of concern, I think – this 'Him__' that they kept referring to.' Not so much a concern that the mysterious person would show up, but if they convinced Ranma that she was indeed in league with an undesirable figure, her progress would be __seriously hampered. It was extremely difficult to prove a negative, after all._

                '_If I were Genma, what would I do?' she thought. '__Well, since I can't depend on this mysterious 'Him__' to conveniently show up…'_

                "AKANE!"

                "Akane… do you know this… person?"

                "Ummm… _do I know you?"_

                "Y-you don't remember m-me?" A sniffle.

                "W-wait! Don't worry – just give me a minute, I'll try to remember…"

                "D-Don't trouble yourself… just please… LET ME HAVE A GOOD CRY IN YOUR BOSOM!"

                '_…the only logical course of behavior would be independent action.' She ignored the little chill down her spine for the moment. '__That shouldn't be too hard to defend against; it's not like I have anything to hide.'_

                Setting the problem of Genma aside for the moment, she began considering the other half of the equation – his son.

                She'd been making progress with Ranma, but it was slow. At least he didn't immediately go combat-ready whenever he saw her. That was something. But she was still a long way from having his trust, or even respect.

                Ku Lon scowled down at her latest concoction (really, a shame. It didn't deserve that look, it was in fact quite passable). Two hundred years of practice in the arcane art of patience were wearing thin rapidly. Some kami had decided to have a good laugh by dangling a tantalizing prize right in front of her and forcing her to run in circles to get it.

(_               In an ironically simultaneous but not-related-nope-nope-not-at-all-what-made-you-think-of-THAT? course of events, a god of mischief was dragged home by his mother and given a spanking for playing around with her Bait Box of Temptation (intended to be an accessory to the Koi Rod, but a flop due to the un-classy name).)_

                Ku Lon decided she'd done enough cooking for the day and set her ingredients aside. She wanted to concentrate on her progress with her carrot-campaign.

                She wanted Ranma's full respect, both as a teacher and as a person. What she _had, thus far, was his respect __as a martial artist. A nice beginning, but not really what her goal was. The grudging respect of one fighter to another was a little too competitive. What she wanted was __trust._

                '_I had a good start,' she thought to herself, starting in on the dishes. '__The fact that he was willing to approach me on the topic of the Neko-ken demonstrates that. On the hand, my miscalculation with Ryouga probably set things back. Hopefully the apology started mending things.'_

                Ku Lon shook her head, putting away a pot. She'd been keeping herself in the background recently, letting Xian Pu have a chance to make her own progress with the boy. Unfortunately, the most progress she'd made was during the Miss Martial Arts Takeout competition, and _competition was not necessarily the relationship she wanted to establish._

                The repercussions of that particular fiasco were interesting. Xian Pu had come home fuming, and it had taken all of Ku Lon's two centuries of experience and control to get the girl to calm down and come off the warpath, and a good fifteen minutes before Xian Pu explained herself, and managed to explain that for once, it was _not the fact that she had lost the competition that incited her wrath._

                "Xian Pu know she not able to beat Airen," the girl explained huffily. "She second behind Airen and beat pervert-girl, is what is important."

                Instead, what had her angry was what Akane had done. Apparently, after the contestants had fallen into the trapdoor (and _why, exactly, did that boy have a set of giant trapdoors in his yard, anyway?), Xian Pu had managed to disqualify Akane from the competition by feeding Ranma part of the teriyaki eel. (Ku Lon rather suspected that there was a bit more to what had happened than that, given the way Xian Pu fidgeted and tried to avoid the Matriarch's eyes when she got to the part about the disqualification, but the girl hurried on before Ku Lon could press her for details.) Akane had been displeased, to say the least, and instead of being a good sport and leaving, she had sought revenge. With a bucket, and a hose after __that failed._

                "And I suppose," Ku Lon said wryly, "that you did _nothing to encourage that reaction?"_

                Xian Pu at least had the grace to blush. "Xian Pu might have… gloated some."

                Ku Lon sighed. Well, at least the girl admitted to her actions. That was some progress, at least. "'Might have', Xian Pu?" she queried. "You are not helping things by stalling. Did you, or did you not?"

                Xian Pu hung her head. "Xian Pu tell Akane 'go home with tail between legs'."

                "Ah. So, Akane was being a poor loser, but you were comporting yourself equally badly." Ku Lon had rubbed her forehead and meditated on a bottle of Asprin.

                Ku Lon made a face, remembering that conversation. It had taken her a good hour to get the story out of Xian Pu, largely because the girl was embarrassed by her behavior. The short version of the story was that Akane, in a fit of pique, had attempted to transform Xian Pu to her cursed form. Ranma had, naturally, intervened. Both Akane and Xian Pu had chosen to misinterpret his actions as protecting Xian Pu, rather than his sanity. Even though (as she had shamefacedly confessed) Xian Pu had been perfectly aware that Ranma's reasons had nothing to do with affection for her and everything to do with his fear of cats, she'd chosen to intentionally misinterpret them.

                The result had been a furious Akane and an equally frustrated and angry Ranma. Xian Pu had won herself no points on that day. On the other hand, neither had Akane. Ku Lon could only hope that the fiasco had done no harm to her own point-tally.

                '_Listen to me. Calculating points like a little child in a competition!' And never you mind the page in the back of her book with names and columns of tally points._

                (Hey, I said never you mind!

                Oh, forget it.)

                Ku Lon tapped the side of her head. '_Stupid deux-ex-machina voices.'_

                The matriarch bounced up to her room again, after a quick pause to retrieve the mail. '_Bills, bills, politician pamphlets – save that for scrap paper, it really should serve some useful__ purpose before being recycled – Ramen Vendors Associated newsletter, Neighborhood Watch announcement (and shameless begging for money), Jusenkyou Products catalogue…' The last she set aside for Ranma. He had reached the level of experience where simply reading would provide good practice, and she figured that this catalogue had plenty of items that would hold his interest._

                '_Perhaps I should not be simply leaving Xian Pu to her own devices,' she reflected, returning to her earlier train of thought. '__She has yet to adapt to the paradigm shift between the village, where everyone knows everyone else, and metropolitan __Japan__, where quite often the people down the street are total strangers.'_

                Yes, that was a useful plan. And so, when Xian Pu returned, Ku Lon would begin her induction into the intricate steps of the arcane ritual known as _dating._

                But that would have to wait for when the girl came back in a couple days. For now, however, Ku Lon saw no reason for running up an energy bill running the _furo for herself when it would be much cheaper to simply go to the public baths for the duration…_

                That evening was ordinary. The following day was ordinary. Unfortunately, that winning streak of blandness broke very, very, _very late the following evening._

                Just as well, really. If Ku Lon wanted ordinary, she'd have stayed home.

                A shadow moved through the alley, as silent and sure-footed as a cat. The restaurant was dark and quiet, uninhabited for the moment. With the help away on some errand or other and the proprietor at the baths, all was clear for investigation.

                The lock on the back door was simple, as he had expected, given that the door was locked and unlocked at least twice a day. After a moment or two of work, the tumblers clicked into place. Smirking, he oiled the hinges and carefully eased the door open, every sense alert for the slightest hint of a trap or an alarm. He was almost disappointed when nothing happened and he closed the door behind him. He'd anticipated more of a challenge!

                '_Patience, Genma! Don't jinx yourself. This is the common door. The true challenges will be here, in the interior.'_

                Adjusting the black handkerchief wrapped around his head and tied under his nose, Genma peered about nervously, wishing (not for the first time) that he could use his panda-form for work like this. What was the point of an alternate form if you couldn't use it as an alternate identity? Unfortunately, there was only _one panda (even if he was only a part-time panda) in Nerima. There was no way, if by some terrible freak chance a master survivalist (read: burglar) such as he left behind anything like tracks, that Ku Lon would __not know who he was – not if he was in panda form._

                And besides, the panda-body didn't fit very well in the typical indoors setting. He got stuck in doorways. So Genma had planned ahead, and come as a human.

                Ryouga looked around, trying very hard not to panic. Somehow, without paying any fare or even launching, he was on an airplane. Several thousand feet in the air. Going kami-knew-where. And everyone was speaking what sounded like English. Which he didn't know very much of, and at the moment couldn't speak even if it had been his native language.

                "{Hey! Someone smuggled a pet on board!}"

                "{Maybe it escaped?}"

                "{Forget that, just catch it!}"

                "{Grab the b-oof! Good god, how is it dragging that thing?}"

                Ryouga dashed about, desperately trailing his really _heavy backpack as he did his absolute best to get lost again – fast! "__BWEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"_

                Yes, a pig was flying. Not _willingly – but he was flying._

                "_BWEEEBWEBWEBWEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" (No, this will not be translated. Young children might be reading.)_

                Genma scanned the dark hallway, checking for windows. Seeing none, he reached into a pocket, pulled out a small flashlight, and clicked it on. Not proper style for Sneaky Fu, of course, but tradition sometimes had to take second place to pragmatism. At least, it did when convenient for Saotome Genma, though of course he never thought of it in _those terms. No, of course not!_

                Hey, stop laughing!

                Genma noted three doorways in the hall. One would lead upstairs, another to the kitchen, and the last probably to some sort of living room. There would be nothing in the living room – too public. In fact, the old woman's room would likely be where she kept her secrets hidden.

                Genma made for the kitchen. Fortunately (or perhaps not), the first door he opened led to the stairs, and he'd already entered and closed the door before he realized his mistake.

                The big man ascended the stairs nervously. By the fifth step, he was relaxing. By the time he reached the top, he was shaking his head. That was _it? A few creaky stairs? No booby-traps, no Pits of Death, no trip wires, no spears shooting out of walls?_

                '_If this is how well these crazy Amazons protect their secrets, then the boy and I left __China__ much too early!' Genma then paused to examine the narrow, cramped hallway at the top and the two doors leading off of it. Neither had any distinctive markings, save that the one on the left looked as though at some point it had been knocked off its hinges, and replaced by someone who didn't really know what they were doing and didn't particularly care either way. Repeatedly._

                At first, the man tensed, his normally remarkably unathletic mind making all sorts of bizarre contortions in order to imagine a horrible trap, a great trap, a terrible monstrosity of a trap that would compensate for the lack of security thus far. He also inserted the random wondering about where that ungrateful boy was when his father needed him for a bit of light-handed scouting.

                At that point, his poor brain, having failed to do stretches and warm-ups in advance to compensate for the unexpected exercise, tripped and fell on its metaphorical nose. The thought it had tripped over, pulled up from the depths of his mind to see what all the fuss was about, provided the memory of the Amazon girl's… unusual preferred method of entry. If she was so blasé about the walls of other people, why should she be any more careful about her own door?

                If that thought were correct – and Genma, slightly dazed by the barrage of logic, couldn't imagine what else it could be – then logically the other room would belong to the Matriarch. He slipped over to stand to the side of the door and carefully examined every centimeter of his surroundings before turning off the flashlight. Then he reached over and tested the latch.

                Genma frowned. He tested the latch again. He very carefully – very _tentatively – ran his fingers over the wood of the door, searching for a hidden keyhole or the irregularity in the wood that would indicate a place where a trap had been hidden. Finally, frustrated and confused, he simply opened the door._

                The room inside was fairly small – understandable, given the old woman's size – and dark. _Very dark. Genma attempted to sidle inside, and found himself tripping over things that had somehow hidden unseen in the dark. The martial artist had to constantly remind himself that creatures of the dark fed on fear, and thus he must not show it to them!_

                Hand shaking, he pulled out his flashlight again and clicked it on, to find that he'd been stumbling over a small chest tucked into a corner. The wood was weathered and the clasps were bronze. Genma looked at it and tried to think. His past exploits had always been with the Master or into kitchens. He wasn't entirely sure where to look for incriminating secrets.

                He tested the lid of the chest, and felt oddly relieved to find that it was locked. At least _something was happening as expected! He carefully checked it for traps – none – and picked the lock, then opened the chest._

                Hmmm. The flashlight wasn't very bright – all he could make out was a pile of cloth. Deciding to save the chest for later, he snuck to a nearby bookshelf and began playing his light over it. After all, even if he couldn't find incriminating secrets, perhaps there were scrolls of secret techniques hidden there! _That would keep the boy properly respectful._

                After a few minutes of peering squint-eyed at the books, Genma was thoroughly put out. Why couldn't these blasted Amazons write in Japanese like normal people? Did they expect people to just naturally _read it? What arrogance! Seeing a rolled up slip of paper, he snatched it up. Perhaps he could find a translation somewhere – and it had the weathered look of ancient mystery around it that suggested it contained an ancient technique._

                At that moment, he heard something, a sound, a terrible sound that made his blood run cold.

                (Which in a way is good. If he had heard a terrible color that made his blood run cold, we'd be in an interesting situation, wouldn't we?)

                Ku Lon blinked. How peculiar. She could have sworn that she'd locked the door before leaving. And what had been with all the damage done to the public baths this past week, anyway? She'd needed to plug three holes in the _furo before she'd even begun her soak!_

                Stepping inside, she yawned, stretched, and climbed the stairs – then paused at the top. Odd. Hadn't she left her door closed? It was habit from the village, where curious little great-great-great-grandkids were all over the place, poking their noses in places that might be happy to take those very noses off. Shrugging, she walked inside, then blinked again. Why was her _laundry chest open?_

                With a slight chill, she stepped over and peered in the chest, breathing a sigh of relief when she noted that her underclothes were still there. For a moment there she'd worried… well.

                Shaking her head at her own foolishness, Ku Lon tugged off her robe and went to the closet to retrieve her sleeping clothes. She opened the door, and blinked yet another time, as everything finally clicked into place in her sleepy mind.

                "Poor Uncle Saotome," Kasumi said soothingly, placing another cold compress on the balding man's head.

                Genma twitched and spasmed as his lips formed sounds that might, if one were feeling quite imaginative and forgiving, be interpreted as, "Aaaaaaaack urgle yoick…!"

                Soun just wailed, although someone had retained the presence of mind to move him away from his Jusenkyou-cursed friend.__

                "Sheesh, Oyaji," Ranma said, shaking her head in disgust as she watched the spectacle and waited for the kettle to heat. "What were y' doin' in there, anyway?"

                Akane just shook her head in disbelief. "I refuse to believe this. No one is _that_ perverted." She shivered, and added softly in an aside, "But… Ranma, _look_ at him! She… she didn't even have to touch him!" Wonder shone in the girl's brown eyes. "Now _that_ is incredible…"

                And Ku Lon… well, if she were not a two-hundred year old Matriarch, she'd have sulked. She'd never felt so irritated and almost humiliated in her life. Because she _hadn't_ had to even lay a finger on Genma to totally defeat him.

                No – the sight of her clad in nothing but her underwear had done that job perfectly.

                Nabiki was smirking – a smirk was better than rolling on the floor clutching her belly as she laughed. "I guess he discovered what happened to the fish."

                Everyone looked at her curiously.

                "It made a last debut at the table… as the soup."

(_A.N. – Well, that took forever__. My deepest apologies. I made an interesting discovery this summer: the more free time I have, the less I write. Go figure… _ Regardless, this was in many ways just a filler chapter – and I had__ to get that fish story in somewhere. Yes, the fish story is a real event – it happened to a co-worker of my mother when he and his wife were in __China__._

_                I really have no idea how long it will take me to write the next chapter. First of all, I left my Ranma manga at home. Second, I'm in college__. There are some distinct differences from high school intrinsic in that statement. Third, I've been getting interested in original fiction recently. On the other hand, first of all, not having my Ranma manga will force me to be more original even if it is__ slightly at the cost of characterization. (I can't believe I said that…) Second, my job at college involves sitting at a computer and entertaining myself (and answering various computer questions – usually with 'I don't know… let me ask someone'__). Thirdly, my current original story (if I can keep my roommate from convincing me to switch to an alternative one) is rather dark, and I need something cheery to lighten the mood periodically._

_                Heh. Genma got what was coming for him. But what happens next? Will Soun decide to take up his friend's cause? Will Ku Lon's attempts to teach Xian Pu about dating help her, or dig her in deeper? What will Ku Lon's next carrot be? And what the hell__ is going to happen when Happosai runs into this much-more-prominent-than-in-the-original-manga Ku Lon?_

_                And what's Ranma doing with that magazine, anyway…?_

_                If anyone has any further ideas, I am all ears. I really don't have any particular scenes or escapades in mind from here on out (well… except for one, but it will come after this next chapter). Do you think that maybe I should have the whole Hiryuu Shouten Ha escapade happen that much earlier? Ranma's gaining skill and power much faster than in the manga…_

_                Ahem. Anyway – read, review, comment, critique – remember: Feedback makes the chapters come! It was, in fact, only several e-mails sent to me asking when I was going to finish this that reminded me to get off my rump and start working.)_

_(PS: See that last comment? This one's for you, Cory D. Rose, and you, Cute Kitsune Kaydee.)_


End file.
